It's Better When I Bleed For You
by xxSiLvErDrAgOnxx
Summary: When Laurent and Bella cross paths in the meadow, Alice sees that Bella doesn't manage to escape before Laurent attacks her and all goes black. But what Alice can't see is the arrival of the pack, interupting Laurent's meal. 80 years later in Chicago...
1. Part I

_**Heya!**_

_**This is my first attempt at fanfic EVER 'cause I generally don't like playing with characters that aren't mine...but, come on--it's Bella & the Cullens & the whole fantastic world of Twilight! So I caved...**_

_**As scared as I am, please tell me what you think!**_

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**Part I - The very blackest kind of blasphemy...**

"_She won't be happy about this."_

"_About what?"_

"_About me killing you…She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward—fair turn-about, mate for mate…I'm quite thirsty, and you do smell…simply mouthwatering."_

"_He'll know it was you. You won't get away with this."_

"_This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Bella. Just thirst…I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise."_

**EPOV**

Even as we stood on the street corner, eighty years later, waiting for the lights to change, those last moments of Bella's life played sickeningly through my head. It was all I could think about anymore.

I gave a whole new meaning to the term "empty shell".

The only reason I was still here, still walking among the living was because of my family. Alice had seen what I had planned to do once I received word of…and she had gathered the family and flown to Volterra to head me off. I can't remember how long they spent, begging and pleading with me. All I wanted was to die…or do whatever our kind does. Without Bella there was no meaning to life, no existence. She had been like a burning meteor shooting across my night-sky. Without her…there was nothing.

I was blinded by the light I no longer saw.

I had uttered the blackest kind of blasphemy when I told her I didn't love her. I had somehow managed to convince myself that leaving was the best possible thing I could do for her. Let her live a life without the ever-present threat of death. But I should have known better. What was one of the first requests I ever made of her? Not to fall in the ocean or get run over. I had known she was a danger magnet from the beginning. How could I have possibly thought she would be safe on her own? How many times had I told her I was fighting Fate trying to keep her alive?

Yet, I had left and Fate had finally seized its chance.

The entire family was out for an early evening stroll. A ploy, I knew, to attempt to keep me distracted from dwelling on the past. Being surrounded by perfect couples was hardly an effective remedy, but I barely noticed. I barely noticed anything anymore. I walked with them when they wanted, hunted when they needed. I spoke when spoken to but otherwise kept very much to myself. I _tried_ to act normal, but I knew I wasn't fooling them. I knew it was painful for my family to watch, but I couldn't do anything more for them. Not without my Bella.

We were standing at the traffic lights, waiting for the lights to stop the traffic and let us cross. We stood back from the humans that were starting to clutter the side walks. It was the end of the business day and people were rushing to get home.

The sky was dull grey with heavy rain clouds and smog, effectively blocking any rays of sunshine. The air was cool without the sun to warm it. Humans were burrowing into their coats and jackets, stuffing their hands into their pockets. The cool breeze carried with it the stench of the millions of humans crammed into this city. For there was no human scent that appealed to me anymore…or perhaps I was too numb to notice.

I took a step back, edging to the back of the group, trying to get some air as more black-clad humans squeezed their way onto the side walk, waiting for the lights. I constantly felt suffocated these days—a peculiar sensation since I didn't need the air and I hadn't for more than a century now. Just yet another mark of how human my love had made me.

I turned my face to the breeze, inhaling. Humans, greenhouse gases and…freesia.

Was my mind playing games? Had I finally snapped? Had my brothers finally been kind enough to put me out of my misery? I glanced back at them. No, of course not. Jasper stood with his arms tight around Alice—tight enough to snap a human in half, restraining himself. Emmett had his arm around Rosalie's shoulders. Carlisle stood hand-in-hand with Esme beside me.

I turned full on into the breeze, taking in another lungful of the mouthwatering scent. I closed my eyes. How could life be so cruel? It was so similar yet so…

I took a step forward.

"Edward." Alice was pulling on my arm. "Edward, we're crossing."

I shook her off and moved back onto the sidewalk, following the scent, ignoring the frantic beeping of the traffic lights I had just been waiting for. It was impossible. Impossible. There couldn't be two owners of that glorious scent. That would be blasphemy. And there was no way that _she_ could be…not after what Alice had seen.

I stopped at the corner at the opposite end of the block, where the foot traffic was nowhere near as heavy, and looked across the road.

"Edward, what are you doing?" Alice asked. The whole family was behind me, around me.

I didn't look away from the other side of the road. "Can you smell that? Please tell me you can smell that." I took another deep breath, momentarily closing my eyes. "Freesia." I opened my eyes and they instantly looked to a small bookshop on the left of the building directly opposite me. "Tell me I'm not imagining it."

I heard them all take deep breaths, sampling the air. Jasper couldn't notice anything different but the others did.

"It smells like Bella," Alice whispered.

The door to the bookshop opposite opened with a tinkle that was audible to us clearly, along with an elderly man saying, "That's quiet all right, Sweetheart. Just try to make sure you're here a bit earlier than spot on closing-time next time."

The entire world stopped when I saw her bounce out the door, so unnaturally graceful, laughing. "I promise, Mr. Collingworth. Thankyou, again."

If my heart still had the ability to beat, it would have stopped in that instant. She was glorious—more than glorious. Glorious did her no justice, her brown tresses fanning out in an arch as she turned to thank the store-owner, a book clutched securely in her hands.

But it was the store-owner's final words that tore through my entire being.

"You have a good night, Miss Masen."

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**Disclaimer:** Obviously, Twilight is not mine - 1) I wouldn't be writing fanfiction if it were, 2) I couldn't possibly dream of a guy as perfect as Edward Cullen, no matter how hard I tried and I wouldn't want to share him! All honours to Stephenie Meyer, please...


	2. Part II

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, Twilight is not mine - 1) I wouldn't be writing fanfiction if it were, 2) I couldn't possibly dream of a guy as perfect as Edward Cullen, no matter how hard I tried and I wouldn't want to share him! All honours to Stephenie Meyer, please...

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**_Okay...Well..._**

**_First of all..._**

**_WOW ! ! ! ! Thankyou to all of you who commented on the first part of my little story. I can't tell you how good all those comments made me feel 'cause I'm very shy about any form of creative writing I do. So thankyou! And because you guys were all so demanding (whoo!) I decided to write the next chapter for you D I wasn't originally going to make it into a story but, my Edward, you guys are just so motivating!!_**

**_So here it is, just for you guys:_**

**_

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**Part II - Emmett hits the hardest, but Edward runs the fastest...**

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"You have a good night, Miss Masen."

**EPOV**

The pain was…surreal…incredible…completely incomprehensible—like someone had put a bolt of electricity as strong as a million volts into a gaping hole that had just been torn through my chest. And my body was absorbing it, as though I were made of human flesh rather than stone. It was tearing through me, starting at my chest and reverberating through every fibre of my being.

I couldn't think straight. I could barely think at all.

My Bella was alive…

…And she had taken my name.

Not Cullen, my adopted name—_my_ name, Masen, the name I had been born with, the name I would have kept if I had remained human…

Like she was a million miles away rather than right next to me, gripping my arm so hard she would've cut off my circulation if I had any, I heard Alice whisper her name.

"Bella."

She was smiling, walking away from the bookshop, away from the elderly shop-owner, away from us. But she paused and looked straight at us…and froze.

The emotions running through me…There are no words to accurately convey the way I felt in that moment. The overwhelming surprise, the resounding joy, the bone-crippling pain, the instant longing, the red-hazed anger, the all-consuming guilt…

Ah, the guilt…Knowing she had heard Alice's soft whisper, knowing she was moving with an unnatural grace she had never possessed in the time I had known her…knowing she was alive, but in a way I had never wanted her to be.

_This _was why I had left her. To save her from becoming one of the eternally damned, to save her skin from going snow-white and diamond-hard, to save her from the ever present, constant aching need for human blood.

To save her soul.

Pointless, all of it.

We stood on opposite sides of the road, staring. I was numb to everything around me, feeling only what was a chaotic, boiling turmoil of emotions inside of me. I could see her with perfect clarity. Her long brown hair pinned out of her heart-shaped yet angular, angelic face; her slim, toned forearms bared by the three-quarter sleeves of her shirt; the expression of pure shock and blatant disbelief in her ever expressive eyes…her golden eyes.

Our eyes locked…and held.

She was no longer breakable. The thought lanced through my mind like a lightning bolt. She was no longer the soft, vulnerable human she had once been, with the fragile, transparent skin that showed all too clearly every pulse of her heart. She was no longer the clumsy, endearing teenage girl that couldn't walk over a flat, clear surface without finding _something_ to trip over. No. She was a predator now, as dangerous, as volatile…and as beautiful as any vampire.

And I still wanted her as strongly as I had that first day.

Should I be ashamed, for dismissing my guilt so easily? Should I resist temptation, refuse to give in to what I wanted, and instead return myself to my room where I could curl up into a miserable heap and hate myself for letting this happen to her, for ever being stupid enough to think she would be safer without me? I had told her keeping her alive was almost like a full-time job—one I hadn't minded in the slightest, if it weren't for the fact that _I_ was the one constantly putting her in danger.

But isn't that _why_ this had happened to her? I had already drawn away from her once, taken myself away from her, attempting to isolate her from the world that would kill her, to make sure it wasn't one of my own family that did the killing. I _had_ curled up into a miserable heap and I _had_ hated myself for bringing such a world to her doorstep. And now she was the very thing I had tried to protect her from.

The lamb had known what was good for it, but would the lion listen? Of course not. Sick, masochistic lion, indeed.

Well, I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

I stepped toward her, into the gutter.

And she did what I had expected her to do the first time I ever met her.

She bolted.

**BPOV**

The sun had been shining most of the day and until about ten to five I had thought I would have to wait until tomorrow before I could go out to get the new book I was after. I remember I had always been a fast reader and after I changed, I only seemed to get quicker. I flew through books now and I was constantly wanting something new to read. I still read the Classics but even I had to admit that reading them every day sort of ruined the novelty of them.

The moment the clouds rolled over I was out of my house and down the road. I arrived just as Mr. Collingworth was about to flip the 'OPEN' sign to 'CLOSED'. But when he saw me through the glass, I heard him sigh good-naturedly and he opened the door for me.

"You're cutting it fine, Miss Masen." He wasn't angry though.

I smiled. "I promise I'll be quick," I told him. "I know exactly what I'm after."

He ushered me in and disappeared as I wove my way into aisles of books. Mr. Collingworth was one of the few humans that I had frequent interaction with and one of the even fewer that didn't seem to be bothered by what his subconscious was telling him. He seemed to genuinely enjoy having me in his shop, even if I made his other customers nervous.

I could hear him muttering to himself as he went about his business to close up shop as clearly as though he was talking out loud.

I went to the 'Y's in the Literature section and pulled _Briar Rose_ by Jane Yolen off the shelf. Okay, so it wasn't a new novel, but it would be new to me in the sense that I would own it. I had borrowed it from the library frequently enough that I figured that I might as well own it. After all, the library wasn't open twenty-four hours a day and I didn't need to sleep—who knew when I might want to read it?

At the counter, Mr. Collingworth smiled as I handed him the book to scan.

"Sure do like your Classics, don't you, Miss Masen?"

I smiled and nodded, handing him a twenty-dollar bill. "There's a reason they're called 'the Classics'."

He grunted and counted back my change. "Most young ones your age wouldn't give them a second glance…probably not even a first glance."

I smiled again, hiding the stab of pain that lanced through me. Young one indeed. I was older than he was.

He escorted me to the door and I thanked him again for staying open for me.

Out on the street, I opened the book and started reading as I headed back home. One of the things that I didn't miss at all from my human life was my life-threatening clumsiness. After I changed, it all disappeared…well maybe that's not entirely true. I had a feeling I was still a bit clumsy, even for a vampire, but I didn't have anything to really compare it to, except memories—painful, human memories that refused to fade.

Memories that I didn't _want _to fade.

That had been one of my worst fears after realising what had happened—thinking that all my memories of _him_ would fade. '_Human memories fade_' he had once told me and as much as I tried not to _physically_ think about him, something I had managed to get rather good at in the last eighty-odd years, I didn't want to _forget_ him.

I still loved him.

I was still smiling, happy I had made it in time to get my book, when I heard my name.

"Bella."

It was odd and painful to hear. I was essentially a hermit—no one knew me well enough to call me Bella, not even the people I worked with. People used my full name or Miss Masen. I hadn't been called Bella since I changed.

And the voice that said it. That high soprano voice I had first heard in the cafeteria at Forks High School, a whole other life time ago, while I sat across from _him_, discussing the implications of our impending relationship. That same voice that had laughed with me and gossiped at me while helping me perform my daily duties around a bulky leg cast and broken ribs. That same voice that had chastised me while forcing me into my junior prom gown picked out specifically for _him_.

My eyes followed the sound of her voice and I was frozen in shock at seeing her there, at seeing all of them there.

At seeing _him_.

It was like seeing him for the first time all over again, only without the crazy beating of my heart and the rushing flow of my blood. My eyes drank in every detail—the beautiful messy bronze hair; the sharp, angular planes of his god-like face; the perfect arch of his eyebrows; the perfect sculpture of his torso, hinted at behind his light grey sweater; the honey-butterscotch of his eyes, as dazzling as ever.

I couldn't…He was there. _Right there_. So close I could hear he wasn't breathing. My mind simply shut down.

I hadn't seen him in over eighty years and then suddenly he was _right there_. All I could do was stare.

Even as I watched him, I saw the look in his eyes change. His eyes went from shocked, confused and disbelieving to…hungry. There was no other word to describe it…Well I could think of one, but I wouldn't have let myself put it into a coherent sentence even if I had been able to form one. I saw an expression cross his face, one I knew so well from all the time I had spent watching him as he tried to convince himself to leave me—something he eventually managed to do.

Then I saw the expression that meant he had made up his mind—a slight movement of his lips, setting them firmly, his eyes narrowing. He pulled himself out of Alice's grip on his arm and moved to take a step toward me.

I wasn't ready for this; I instantly realised, suddenly panicked. So much had changed, so much…I wasn't ready—I wasn't ready for _him_.

He stepped into the gutter and I still wasn't ready.

So I ran.

I heard his family call out—to me, to him—and I knew he was following me. I wouldn't be able to outrun him. What had Esme once said, at that fateful baseball match? Emmett hits the hardest but Edward runs the fastest. I wouldn't get far before he caught up. I could already hear him gaining on me. He'd catch me and I would have to talk to him, to talk about things I wasn't ready to talk about.

Unless…

There was a way I could get away from him. All I had to do was close my eyes.

So I did.


	3. Part III

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, Twilight is not mine - 1) I wouldn't be writing fanfiction if it were, 2) I couldn't possibly dream of a guy as perfect as Edward Cullen, no matter how hard I tried and I wouldn't want to share him! All honours to Stephenie Meyer, please...

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_**Oh. My. Edward. **_

**_You guys are incredible!! I just...wow--I'm speechless. You guys really are incredible!! I'm so glad you're all loving this fic and taking the time to show that love!! And because you guys make me feel so damn good and have me dancing around my room with all your freakin' AWESOME comments and reviews, I have decided to comply with the ever-frequent UPDATE NOW!!s and the MOAR!!s lol..._**

**_Here you go!_**

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**Part III - Oh, I'm far from infallible...**

_And she did what I had expected her to do the first time I ever met her._

_She bolted._

_There was a way I could get away from him. All I had to do was close my eyes._

_So I did._

**EPOV**

My feet had a mind of their own. _My_ mind was still back on the sidewalk, still frozen in the moment she had graced my eyes for the first and unexpected time in decades since that…that…horrid? invidious? loathsome? No word was strong enough to describe that day I had broken her and left her in the forest. But it was suddenly like I was hunting—my instincts took complete control, taking off after her as she turned tail and ran.

I was still a predator and she was still my prey.

I was heedless to the calls of my family, heedless of the humans scattered on the sidewalks. They wouldn't see me anyway—maybe feel a slight draft when I passed them but that was something they would put down to nature.

She was weaving in and out of traffic—human and motor—, weaving through the labyrinth of streets and alleyways that was Chicago.

She was fast.

But I was faster.

And her scent—that heady, enticing scent—was only driving me faster as it blew into my face. She ducked into a narrow gap between two town-house buildings and I was only seconds behind her…only to come to a sudden stop.

I snarled, whirling around on my heels, dropping into a crouch, furious.

She was gone.

I stayed in my crouch, my eyes darting up and down the alleyway, glancing up to the top of the eight storey buildings on either side of me. She was gone. She had been so close that another three steps and I would've had my arms around her. But now—now I couldn't even smell her. I snarled again. _Why_ couldn't I smell her? She had been three steps away! This alleyway should be perfumed by her scent, not reeking of human waste.

I threw myself at the wall opposite and scaled it in seconds, swinging myself over the ledge and onto the roof, dropping into another crouch.

If I had hoped to catch her scent up here, I was instantly disappointed. I could only smell the cooling roof-dust, pigeons and more humans.

I stood and went to the ledge at the opposite end of the building. I stared down at the seething mass of black coats and the snake of cars, searching.

Finally, my mind caught up with my feet and I groaned, turning away and curling in on myself, a new gaping hole in my chest. I dropped my head into my hands and if I could have, I would've cried.

Of course she would run from me. Had I given her any reason not to? How could I possibly expect her to spread her arms and smile, to just take me back? I couldn't. I had left her, crying and broken in the forest. I had stayed and watched her stumble after me, falling again and again as she tried to follow me, only leaving when I knew she wasn't going to get back up again. I hadn't been able to bear the pain she had been in, the pain _I_ had been in, knowing she had somehow believed every foul word I had uttered. I had wanted so _badly_ to go back to her, to reveal my lies for what they were, to tell her that I would never leave her.

I had never wished more fervently that I could bend time, that I could go back and never leave her, than I had when Alice told me she was dead.

_Alice_.

My head snapped up. How had Alice not seen this? How had she not seen what Bella would become? The anger came back in full force then—anger at myself, for ever being _stupid_ enough to leave; anger at Laurent, for daring to sink his teeth into _my_ Bella; anger at Alice, for not seeing something so incredibly important as this.

I knew my anger, at Alice at least, was unjustified. Seeing the future was not infallible. _Alice_ was not infallible. I knew that. She had told us so many times over the decades. But I didn't care—not where Bella was concerned.

I stood. I wouldn't abandon my search. I knew she had run from me and I knew I deserved far worse for what I did to her—both directly and indirectly. But I would do anything, _anything_, to have her take me back. I had made up my mind. I would not let her go, not again—never again. Even if she told me she never wanted anything to do with me ever again, I would always be waiting in the wings, watching.

But for now, I needed to talk to Alice.

**BPOV**

I watched him drop down from the rooftop, watched as he glanced once more into the alleyway before he left, heading back in the direction we had come from. I didn't dare move from my position across the road, even after I could no longer hear his footsteps, until his scent had faded and the moon had risen.

I wasn't really sure how my little power worked but I knew it could hide me quite effectively if I needed it to. I could remember, during those days of venom-induced pain, almost bearable in comparison to the pain I had been feeling in the clearing before Laurent had shown up, that the werewolves had come back to look for me after they finished off Laurent. I knew what they would do because I could feel the venom burning through my veins. They would've torn me apart, like they did Laurent, to stop the world from gaining another vampire. I could remember thinking _please don't find me, please don't find me_. And they hadn't. They had stepped right over me like I was a branch or something. I had felt their wet noses press against my skin, but they hadn't found me.

Somehow I had blocked myself from them.

That was my theory, really. When I was human, I was a closed book to vampires with mind-related powers—I could block them. Now as a vampire, I was thinking that my power had grown so that I could block them physically—my scent, the noises I made…any physical trace I left.

That was just my theory. There was no one else I could really ask about it. And it didn't really make sense when I thought about it too much, particularly when I thought of the werewolves. Surely my power wouldn't have grown until _after_ the transformation was complete? But what did I know? The only person who might have been able to help shed some light on it was probably Carlisle.

But he hadn't been around. _No one_ had been around.

I pulled away from the brick wall and made my way home. It wasn't until I was inside and had thrown my new book onto my couch that it hit me.

Edward. _My _Edward.

I collapsed onto the floor, gripping my sides, and I was catapulted back into the last months of my human life. It hurt so bad to breathe, so I didn't. Dry sobs tore out of my throat, shaking my entire being…

I don't know how long I layed there for, but eventually the pain subsided. I eased myself onto my back, almost afraid that a wrong movement would bring all the pain rushing back.

Why had I run from him? _Why?_ Wasn't he all I had wanted for the last eighty years? Even though I couldn't have him and even though I refused to think of him, for fear of soul-crippling pain, I had done what I could to help me make sure I wouldn't forget him. I had taken his name when I realised I couldn't keep my own. I had moved to Chicago because that's where he had been born. Why did I deny myself what I wanted? He had been so close—all I had had to do was turn and I would've been able to touch him.

But I wasn't ready to touch him.

I was everything he had been so determined that I would never be. I must revolt him. Sure, he had chased me, but what when he realised that I wasn't just some…some figment of his imagination? I squeezed my eyes shut, the thought bringing back a sharp stab of pain. I wouldn't be able to take the rejection. Once as a human was enough. But now? When the levels between us had finally evened out, even if only a little bit? A little bit because he was still so much more magnificent than I was.

The sun was suddenly shining through my windows. I held up my hand into a golden beam and watched the sunlight break and bounce off my skin in thousands of little rainbows.

I sighed.

His face was etched in my mind, the expression on his face before I had run so very clear. If I didn't know any better I would've sworn his words in the forest had been lies for him to look at me like that. It made my breath quicken just thinking about it.

But it also made me angry. I frowned, processing this new revelation. He had told me he didn't love me, that he didn't _want_ me. And now…_now_ he looks at me like _that_, like he had never uttered those words. The very same words that had left me alone, that had taken the very reason I had ever wanted this life so that when I finally got it, there was no reason to it all.

Hadn't Alice seen this? I thought suddenly. Hadn't she seen that I would become a vampire? I distinctly remember that day in the hospital when I had asked him a very similar question. His answer had been confirmation enough even as he had insisted she was wrong, that the future changes.

Future and Fate, I thought with a snort. Weren't they one and the same? The Future was Fate and Fate would always run its course. He should have known this would've happened, whether he stayed or not. And if he had stayed…

The resentment boiled up strong inside of me. If he had stayed, things would've been so different, I knew…

But why would he have stayed? He hadn't wanted me then—not as a girlfriend at least. The way he had looked at me earlier—that doesn't mean that he wanted to stay back then. What had I been but a mere human with an appetising smell? There had been nothing substantial about me that could hold him. Now that I was a vampire—perhaps things may have changed…but then again maybe not.

I groaned. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. Was I angry with him? Was it fair to be angry with him? Did he want me now as he had back in the beginning? I couldn't use my blood as an excuse for the look on his face earlier because I had none. What if he didn't? What if he was just shocked about seeing his ex-girlfriend that should, by rights, be walking around with a metal frame, or a walking stick, or riding about on one of those motorised scooters or one of those new contraptions they've just brought out?

One thing was for sure. I knew I still loved him. That was a certainty that would never changed no matter how long I lived for. It was just the rest that had me so…I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out his thought processes, just like he could never figure mine. But I needed to figure something out. I wanted _so bad_ to see him again, to talk to him, to—

No. I wouldn't let myself think it. It won't happen so why should I tear myself up even more? No. I know that I'll cave, and soon. I know that I'll find some way to find them, now that I knew they were in the city, and I know that I'll end up face-to-face with him. I need to be prepared for that.

All of a sudden, I wanted to talk to Alice. Well, not quite all of a sudden since it was something I had wanted to do so frequently over the years but had never been able to because I didn't know where to find her. I went over to my window, closing my eyes to the warmth. I knew where I could find Alice with the chances of _him_ being there so very slim.

I moved toward my bathroom.

I had a day of shopping to get ready for.


	4. Part IV

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, Twilight is not mine - 1) I wouldn't be writing fanfiction if it were, 2) I couldn't possibly dream of a guy as perfect as Edward Cullen, no matter how hard I tried and I wouldn't want to share him! All honours to Stephenie Meyer, please...

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_**Do you guys have any idea how much I love you??**_

**_The reviews and the comments and everything in between that I have been getting are absolutely incredible! As a reward for being such awesome, fantastic and exalted supporters, I've gone all out--ok, well maybe not "all out" 'cause that would spoil the story--but I have gone beyond the norm...just for you guys..._**

**_This installment is more than twice the length of the first three chapters AND it is my favourite to date (the last chapter I hated--but you guys seemed to enjoy it, so...) HOWEVER, I regret that due to the length we will only flow with one character--we'll catch up with the other next time..._**

**_I'd also just like to point out that, since I'm Australian and have never been to Chicago, my knowledge of the city before I wrote this chapter was, like, non-existant, zziippppp...so I did a little research and anything wrong can be blamed on the internet ;P_**

**_So...go have a read, tell me what you think..._**

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**Part IV - ...so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi...**

…_It made me angry. He had told me he didn't love me, that he didn't want me. And now…_now_ he looks at me like that, like he had never uttered those words. The very same words that had left me alone, that had taken the very reason I had ever wanted this life so that when I finally got it, there was no reason to it all._

_Hadn't Alice seen this? Hadn't she seen that I would become a vampire?_

…_I wanted to talk to Alice…I had a day of shopping to get ready for._

**BPOV**

I glanced up from my book when I heard another car enter the underground car park. But as it drove down the row, I lost interest. The windows weren't tinted and I could see the middle-aged woman behind the wheel. I sighed and settled back down into the seat of my car. I had arrived at the mall by eight, eager for the chance to see Alice again. Obviously, I was a bit early. I sighed again and went back to my book, the sharp clip-clop of the woman's heels echoing through the near-empty car park and resonating in my ears. I never understood why some women wore high-heeled shoes to a job where they would spend some good seven to eight hours on their feet.

Nine o'clock crept around slowly and the car park began to fill. I forgot about my book as I watched the customers get out of their cars, paying special attention to anyone with tinted windows and a high-end car. As I watched, I tried not thinking of what I was here to do. I failed miserably. What was I going to say to her? A million different scenarios ran through my head. Should I just walk up to her, like nothing had happened? _Hey Alice, how are you? _Should I go in and pretend that our meeting was all a coincidence? _Oh wow, Alice. Fancy seeing you here! What've you been up to?_ Or should I just follow her and wait until she notices me? I snorted at myself. _Would_ she even notice me? I don't know if she'd be able to, with my…gift. Was it something I could only do consciously? Or did it keep me blocked if a person was unaware of me, even when I wasn't thinking about it? I shook my head. I had no idea. Besides, she might not even _want_ to talk to me. I shied away from that thought.

A black car pulled into a park in front of the parking lot's wall, close to the automatic doors. An Audi A4 with black-tinted windows—so black, I'm pretty sure it was illegal. Not even mine were that dark.

I held my breath as I watched three doors open.

It was absurd. I realised as I watched them get out of the car that I had somehow, for some reason, expected to see some sort of change in their appearance. I shook my head in disbelief at my own idiocy as I watched Rosalie step out from behind the driver's wheel, as Esme got out of the front seat and Alice shut her door on the passenger side. Of course there was no change. _I_ was the one who had changed since I last saw them. They were as gorgeous as ever.

Alice was looking around, a hopeful expression on her pixie-like face that I had missed so much. It took her less than half a second to look around the car park. I saw her face fall ever so slightly.

She was looking for me.

She knew I was going to come and see her, and she wanted to see me. I could've laughed with happiness. I could've—if I wasn't frozen in my seat.

My reaction was absolutely ridiculous—now that I knew that she was happy to see me, anyway. But I hadn't expected anyone else to be with her, least of all Rosalie. I knew Rosalie hadn't liked me when I was human. What would she be like now? And Esme. I missed Esme, too, but what would she think of me? I had been too focused on Edward to notice them or their reactions yesterday evening, so I couldn't even use that slight encounter as a point of reference.

They went through the glass doors and stepped onto the escalators and I watched them while they were slowly carried out of my line of sight. They hadn't said one word to one another.

And I hadn't moved an inch.

"You made a decision," I muttered to myself. "Now see it through."

But I still didn't move. If I couldn't do this, how could I ever face him? I shook my head. I had nothing to be afraid of. I would see how they react and then…Well, it all depended on the reactions I got. So I had to go get them.

Letting out a gusty sigh, I got out and followed them. I wandered past the cheaper shops, following their scents, until I stood in front of a shoe shop. I glanced up at the label mounted over the doorway. Designer, of course. That alone made me not want to go in.

I glanced back down and looked straight into another pair of butterscotch eyes.

I had to say something. I sucked in a deep breath and let out a timid smile.

"Hi, Esme," I whispered.

She smiled when I said her name and moved swiftly, by human standards, to embrace me. I wrapped my arms around her, and I was dimly, and somewhat stupidly, surprised to feel that she wasn't as hard as I remembered her. Of course she wouldn't feel as hard now that my own flesh was like marble.

"Oh Bella!" she whispered back.

Acceptance.

I would've cried, if I could've—I _wanted_ to cry. The second she embraced me, I realised, I _really_ realised, just how alone I had felt over the last eight decades. And how much I had hated it. I had never felt that I belonged anywhere, I had never found a niche that had comfortably accepted me while I was human. Until I met Edward. The memories of just how eager I had been to join this…this _incredible_ family of vampires were so much stronger, so much more painful, as the woman I had already accepted as my surrogate mother held me.

I hid my face in her shoulder and a dry sob forced its way out. She stroked my hair and made soothing noises any mother would make to calm her upset child, holding onto me tight. I was so exceptionally grateful, in that moment, that Esme had never managed to get over her mothering instincts.

I did eventually remember we were standing dead centre in the middle of the shop's entrance. No one said anything as they skirted around us on their way in and out of the shop—whether because we made such a pathetic picture or because of their natural aversion to us I didn't know, or really care. Feeling Esme's arms around me, hearing her voice and smelling her scent were factors that made sure I was locked securely in reality—that she was really here, that I was really here, and somewhere in this city _he_ was really here.

I pulled away and Esme took my face in both of her hands and examined me closely. I felt nervous for some reason I couldn't really explain. A sad smile crossed her face and she sighed.

"Oh, you poor thing." She shook her head and sighed again. "All these years…we had no idea."

Would they have come back? Would he have let them?

"It's not your fault, Esme," I tried to console her.

"No. It's mine."

Alice stood behind Esme, her large golden eyes filled with so many emotions I had no idea what she was feeling. But then she threw herself at me, pulling me down into a tight hug.

"Oh Bella! I've missed you so much! How did this happen? Why didn't I see this? Why didn't I see you? I should have seen this! I would've come back."

"_We_ would've come back," Esme corrected gently.

"_We_ need to move," Rosalie said, coming out of the shop with three bags on her arms. "We're creating congestion." She looked at me and I was surprised by the sad smile on her face. "Hello, Bella."

My smile was timid as I tried to hide my surprise that she had spoken to me without being prompted. "Hi, Rosalie."

Alice was staring at me. I looked back at her and her eyebrows snapped into a frown.

"I told him," she muttered, taking my hand and leading us away from the shop. "I told him, but would he listen? Oh no! Not Edward!" Her voice was too quiet and too fast for the humans passing us to hear. She glanced back at me. "I told him this would happen, but he didn't believe me. 'Bella promised.'" I froze in shock, the pain from earlier glancing through my torso. Even though I hadn't heard his voice in decades, I hadn't forgotten it. Her voice imitated his so perfectly. She pulled me along impatiently, Esme and Rosalie following silently behind us.

"This was hardly a conscious choice at the time, Alice," I muttered.

She only shook her head and led us into a coffee shop, making her way to the back and sitting down in dark booth, dragging me in beside her. Why we were in a coffee shop, I had no idea, but at least it was secluded. Esme went up to the cash register with Rosalie and I heard her order four tall cappuccinos and four scones with jam and cream. When she came to sit, she placed a metal stand with a laminated piece of paper with _6_ written on it in the centre of the table. She and Rosalie sat opposite us.

"He was a fool to think you could survive alone," Alice said, shaking her said.

"I _have_ survived," I pointed out. "And I have survived _alone_." They all flinched—even Rosalie. I instantly felt guilty. I hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh. But before I could say something to take the sting out of the words, Alice had caught me up in another hug.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she whispered brokenly. "I should've seen…" She shook her head against my shoulder. "I don't understand why…" She sat up and frowned at me again. "How," she demanded. I blinked, trying to catch up with the sudden mood swing. "How did this happen, since I didn't see it. You should be dead."

I flinched. "You saw me dead?"

She opened her mouth and then paused. She thought for a moment before her porcelain brow puckered. In the momentary silence, a server brought over our coffees and scones. With a smile, Esme and I helped him unload his tray, and then he left, taking the number stand with him. I moved my coffee away from me so it wouldn't offend my delicate nostrils. Coffee stank so much worse as a vampire.

"Hmpft," Alice puffed. "I…I didn't. But I saw…well I didn't see anything." She eyed me with a raised eyebrow. "I saw Laurent feeding on you"—I flinched—"and it all went dark. I guess I just assumed that meant you were dead."

"Did you see the werewolves?" I asked softly, wrapping my hands around my mug, enjoying the warmth. But it went cold quick. I crossed my arms and put my elbows on the table, as I looked sideways at her. The three of them gawked at me, but Alice was the first to recover, blinking rapidly.

"No," she muttered.

"Werewolves?" Esme asked.

I nodded. "That's what I figure they were. I vaguely remember being told some sort of tribal legend involving the 'cold-ones' and werewolves. I figured, vampires are real, why not werewolves? Besides, it's what my instincts were saying."

"Tell me everything," Alice whispered.

I shrugged this time. "I don't remember much, just that…" I hesitated, not wanting to tell them how much worse the pain I had been in _before_ Laurent had bitten me had been. "I was in pain." That would do—it was true and didn't tell them just how much pain Edward's leaving had caused. "I remember Laurent biting me and feeling…" I shook my head, unable—or unwilling—to describe the painful sensation of having my blood sucked out of me. "Then I was on the ground and I could see five massive wolves. At the time I think I thought they were bears." I frowned, trying to remember, but it was one of those human memories that fade. "There was something about bears at the time," I muttered, even though they probably didn't understand. I shrugged. "Then they were gone and the pain got worse. When they came back…"

"They came back?" Alice hissed.

As I nodded, Esme said, "They would've known what was happening to you. They would've killed you."

"Probably," I agreed. "But they didn't find me." I saw the shock on all their faces and I held out my palms. "I don't know how," I told them quietly, before they could ask. "I just closed my eyes and…hoped that they wouldn't find me. I did the same sort of thing last night to…to get away from Edward," I finished in a rush.

The silence between us was broken only by the sounds of the coffee grinder and humans placing their orders and doing their shopping.

"You haven't spoken to Edward?" Alice asked softly.

I looked down at my hands, shaking my head, not trusting my voice to try and speak.

"He is going to be so pissed off," Rosalie muttered.

I looked up at her, finally comprehending. "You haven't seen him yet?"

It was Esme that answered. "He hadn't come home by the time we left. Alice had a vision and said we had to go shopping. Retail therapy, she told us," she said with a fond smile. "We didn't know we'd see you here."

"Like I said," Rosalie sighed. "He's going to be so pissed off because he didn't get to talk to her first."

"Bella sought us out, not the other way around," Alice said to her. "He can't get cranky at us for that."

"And when he learns you had a vision about meeting her today and _didn't_ call him?" Rosalie countered. "Will he not get mad for _that_?"

"If I called him, Bella would've left. He just needs to think about it rationally."

"Girls," Esme admonished softly. She looked at me. "How did you get away?" she asked.

I shrugged again. "I don't know how it works," I whispered, looking down at my hands again. "All I know is; I close my eyes, think something along the lines of _don't find me_ or _let me get away_…and I can." I shrugged again. "I haven't had much chance to explore and experiment. I just figure that, whatever it is I do, it hides me from whatever or whoever I don't want to find me." I took a deep breath. "I was actually hoping that Carlisle might be able to tell me…help me figure it out."

"Oh, honey," Esme said quietly, reaching over to take my hand, reading correctly into my hesitation. "You know he'd love to."

"Wait a minute," Rosalie said. "So…you can, like…vanish?"

I gave me head a little wiggle that wasn't really a shake as I shrugged. "I don't know," I repeated. "I think it's more that I just —I don't know—sort of…block myself to physical senses—like sight, smell…hearing. But I-I don't know."

Rosalie made a noise that seemed too delicate to be called a snort but couldn't really be called anything else. "Well, whatever you do, it sounds mighty handy."

"Wait." This time it was Alice. "Do you think that might be why I could never see you? I looked so many times, hoping that maybe…I never saw anything until this morning."

"I honestly don't know," I said. "I don't understand how it works. I mean, with the werewolves…Laurent had only just bitten me and I was already able to hide myself. I was under the impression that these gifts, or whatever they are, don't really develop until _after_ the transformation."

We were all silent as we thought about it.

"Well, I was seeing visions while I was a human, so I can't help you there," Alice muttered, pushing her scone around its plate. "Jasper never mentioned exactly when he started manipulating emotions and Edward's never said…" She stopped and looked at me, noticing how rigid I went at the sound of his name. "You need to speak to him, Bella."

I knew that. It didn't make it any easier though.

"I don't think I can," I admitted quietly.

"Why not?"

I laughed once and it had a hysterical edge to it. "Look at me, Alice! This is something he never wanted. He didn't want me around for eternity back then, and he doesn't now."

"You're wrong." All three of them said it together, looking at me.

I shook my head at them. "He left."

"He left because he loved you—he still loves you," Esme said, squeezing my hand. I could only shake my head.

Esme sighed and looked at Alice. Rosalie shook her head, muttering something so low that even I couldn't hear it. Alice turned in her seat so she could look straight at me.

"Bella, do you want to know what he tried to do after he learnt what I had seen—or thought I'd seen?" she corrected with a momentary frown. I had a feeling that it didn't really matter whether or not I wanted to know—she as going to tell me anyway.

"He went to Italy," she continued, proving me right. But it only took me half a second to comprehend.

I could remember that day so clearly it was painful—the fateful day of my eighteenth birthday. We had been in the lounge room at Charlie's, watching Romeo and Juliet. His words when he spoke of his envy for the ease of Romeo's suicide—something he believed he would have to go to Italy to do. He had said he would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi, because you don't irritate the Volturi.

_Not unless you want to die_.

I remember feeling furious when I heard those words. I was furious now.

"NO!" I shrieked, making everyone in the shop jump. I heard the sudden pounding of hearts and the muttered questions and comments on the behaviour of today's youth. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to get a grip on myself. "No," I said quietly. "He couldn't've. He couldn't've done that." I was shaking my head, refusing to believe what Alice was obviously trying to tell me.

"He did, Bella, and…"

"So he went for a holiday," I stupidly insisted. "I hope he had fun." I just didn't want to believe that he had attempted suicide. Not Edward. Not _my_ Edward. I couldn't comprehend what would drive him to try it, but I didn't really care what his motivation was. I just didn't want to hear that he had tried it.

Rosalie's voice was hard as she said, "It was far from a holiday, Bella. We spent _weeks_ trying to convince him not to do it. And we nearly failed _so_ many times."

I shook my head but my resistance was failing. "But he…he _left_," I wailed softly. "He didn't want me."

"He lied," Alice said softly, reaching up to stroke my hair as I dropped my head onto my arms. Pain lanced through me, so strong and so painful, that my body shuddered. How long had I wanted to hear that? How long had I been trying to convince myself that it was true—that he had left because he wanted to keep me safe, to protect me. It was exactly what Alice was saying now, as she bent down closer to me, making sure I heard what she said.

"After Jasper tried to attack you on your birthday, Edward decided it was too dangerous for you to be around us. And as much as we hated to admit it, he had a point. But it was his decision and as much as it almost killed him, Bella, he was determined that you would live safe and happy, without the constant threat from him or us. He didn't want to but he was convinced it was the only way you would be safe. He lied and he left to keep you safe."

I didn't think I was an angry person. I very rarely showed anger and I don't think I had ever shown Alice any real anger. But my head snapped up now and I glared at her furiously.

"To what point and purpose?" I hissed. "He knew this would happen. He knew what I would become. _You_ told him, as you've already pointed out. He _knew_ the luck I had with all things dangerous. '_Safe_' was an entirely foreign concept unless he was around. And '_happy_'? I lost count of the amount of times I told him I needed him to be complete. No, Alice. He simply didn't want me." My voice cracked on the last word and I had to look away, my anger dissipating as abruptly as it had appeared.

"That's not true, Bella," Esme insisted gently. "He needs you, he always has…"

I shook my head and slid out of the booth. I couldn't listen to more of this. Alice grabbed at my arm.

"Bella, no, please don't go."

It was hard to resist the pleading in her voice and I deliberately avoided her eyes as I pulled my arm back. If my human memories were anything to remember, I'd fail miserably at leaving if I did.

"I'm going," I stated. "I can't…" I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I just…I need to think. I'm sorry."

I turned my back and hurried out of the shop and back to my car. I drove out of the city and headed west on the I-290. Their words were mingling through my head soothing doubts and raising just as many in an ever-moving circle. I kept remembering back to the afternoon in the forest when I had believed he had walked away from me forever.

I had to slow when I got to the tollbooth to get on to the I-88, and I was frustrated at the crawling pace of the cars in front of me. I shot through and settled down in my seat for the sixty-mile drive.

I didn't really want to think about anything, so I turned up the radio, only to grimace when I heard the painful sounds of Lucinda Carvey blaring out of my speakers. I quickly pressed the CD button. I couldn't understand what people saw in the woman's music—I think it was more the costumes (or lack thereof) she wore in her music clips.

The CD loaded and then _Fully Alive_ by _Flyleaf_ was blaring out of my speakers instead. I sighed and sat back. Flyleaf had to be one of my favourite bands that I still remembered from my human life. I had rediscovered them after my change, when I could finally start listening to music again, and I found that their first album was oddly fitting to the way I was feeling at the time. It seemed appropriate that it should play now.

I turned off the I-88 and onto I-39, heading north for another seven miles. I suddenly realised where I was heading. There was a little forest reserve between Oregon and Daysville, right on the river, where I liked to hunt. And oddly enough, hunting was exactly what I felt like doing right about now. It would let me escape from having to think about the inevitable for the next few hours—though why I was delaying it, I didn't know.

I turned right onto the one-oh-four for another mile then turned south onto Daysville Road. I parked in a secluded area before taking off my jacket. I hadn't really dressed for hunting, so I made a mental note to carry an extra set of clothes in my trunk as I took off my shoes.

I got out of my car and stretched, trying to dispel the emotional exhaustion. I turned my face to the breeze and inhaled deeply, letting the fresh air flush out the scent of humans, then headed into the forest.

I wandered, slowly letting go of the restraints I held around humans. I let my rational mind go, succumbing to the demon in me that demanded blood. Scents bombarded my nostrils and my eyes narrowed, my body lowering itself into a crouch. I put my hands on the ground, pawing it like a lion, feeling the subtle movements of the earth's foundations. My ears picked out the tiny scratchings of an army of ants at the base of a tree five feet away; the pounding heartbeat of a possum clambering upside down along a tree branch high above my head; the heavy wing beats of a falcon hiding high in the sky.

There was a herd of deer two miles to the south.

I took off, darting through the trees, jumping over bushes. I circled around them, watching as the grazed peacefully. It was too easy when they don't expect it. I snarled, watching with satisfaction as their heads shot up and they darted off, braying as they went, their heartbeats going wild. I snarled again in anticipation. Then I was chasing them. I closed in on one, a doe, running around in front of it. It screamed in terror, skidding around and bolting back the way it had came. I pounced, snapping it's neck and sinking my teeth through it's felt as it collapsed.

I finished with a relish, lifting my head and gasping for air I didn't need. I licked my lips clean, looking around, already trying to find more prey. I sniffed, ignoring the scent of the doe at my feet. I caught the scent of something feline. I sniffed again and smiled, turning to head west, toward the river.

A lynx was lapping gently from the river, in a small pocket that dug into the main land, where humans wouldn't see. When it finished drinking, it moved up the river, climbing a steep slope to where a rocky ledge jutted out over the water, bathed in sunlight. That didn't bother me. There were no humans around for miles. I crept forward, still masked by the trees. But as I moved, it's head turned sharply and looked into the trees. It hissed, crouching down, ready to pounce.

I shot out of the trees, snarling. Simultaneously, something pounced out of the trees on my left, also aiming for the lynx, as the lynx pounced forward. There was snarling and hissing as we all collided, tumbling off the ledge and falling into the shallow water. My survival instincts were in complete control as I snarled and snapped by teeth, rolling as I tried to dislodge the predator that was pinning me down. The responding, snarling growl was nothing like the Lynx. I thrashed some more, spraying water everywhere as I rolled again, successfully pinning my attacker beneath me. I snarled and bared my teeth with every intention of dislodging its head from its body. But even as I bent down, I froze.

That scent.

Next thing I knew, I was on my back, pinned again beneath my attacker's body. But I was limp with shock and didn't put up any resistance. I stared up at him, eyes wide, mind blank, but very conscious of his position.

Edward's eyes were wild from the hunt, a bright golden-brown, rainbows dancing off his skin. He stared down at me and I saw the moment that the blood-craze faded and he recognised who had pinned beneath him. A different sort of excitement brightened his eyes then, and his mouth crashed down on mine.

At first I wanted to object—I hadn't had long enough to look at him—but then I forgot all about looking at him.

It was odd—even though I no longer needed it, my breath hitched and I let out a wild gasp. It was like the first time that he had ever kissed me, all those decades ago. One set of fingers knotted in his hair, clutching him to me. The other set of fingers was twining through his as he slid the hand he had clamped on my wrist up so that our hands were palm-to-palm. I was electrically aware of him, of everywhere our bodies were touching…which pretty much _was_ everywhere. I felt a faint sensation of heat, rapidly building. I felt dizzy.

His tongue, nowhere near as cold as I seemed to remember, traced my lips and I couldn't stop myself from opening my mouth in response. A shudder tore through me as our tongues finally met. I heard him growl.

I realised, rather abruptly, what I was doing. I was lying on a rocky shore, my body half submerged and soaking wet, kissing my vampire sweetheart, whom I hadn't seen in eighty years. So what did I do?

I panicked.

Again.

I kicked him off me, sending him tumbling unexpectedly into deeper waters. For a terrifying moment, I worried I might have hurt him, but then he was crouched again, eyes locked on me, and I knew he was fine. And about to pounce.

I turned and shot back into the cover of the trees, closing my eyes and thinking hard. I stood completely motionless against a tree, barely four feet from where he now stood; glaring into the forest, dripping wet and looking like a god. He took another step forward and his smell swamped me anew—it was all I could do not to give in and throw myself at him.

He half-turned, staring back out at the river, then looked back into the forest. After a moment, his predator stance relaxed and he sighed.

"How do you do that?" he asked quietly. I closed my eyes and let his voice wash over me. Not even Alice had done it justice, really—the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up his, the most perfect of all voices, could not be duplicated.

It stung my heart to hear the sadness and the pain in that voice. I stared at his beautiful profile as he stared into the forest, inhaling deeply, trying to catch my scent. Was it possible that Alice had been telling the truth?

He sighed again, a heavy—dare I say it?—heartbroken sound. He shook his head and muttered to himself, "Nothing's going to taste good after that."

My heart almost pounded back to life then, I was sure. I wanted so badly to reach out and let him taste more, but I made myself stay still. He glanced back at the river then headed off into the forest, most likely heading home.

I wouldn't let myself collapse, like I might have done in the past. It was too great an experience to just let it get washed away by tears. Instead, I made a rather abrupt and definitely impulsive decision. Pushing away from my tree, I followed him.


	5. Part V

**Disclaimer:** I'm flattered, I really am -- but I am not Stephenie Meyer nor do I own the books (in a copyright sense)

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**_OME...WOW...You guys are just...wow. Thanks to everyone who been reviewing and waiting anxiously for me to update. Your reviews are absolutely incredible, the compliments just wow! I've left you guys a little message on my lj (xxgoldeneyesxx. livejournal. com) and I would really love it if you could just drop around and have a read--you don't have to leave a comment, just read, that's all I ask!_**

**_A shout out to jilburfm for giving me some more background info on Chicagoland, haha.._**

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**Part V – I had no right to want you—but I reached out and took you anyway…**

_"Bella, do you want to know what he tried to do after he learnt what I had seen?…He went to Italy."_

_"But he…he_ left_…He didn't want me."_

_"He lied."_

_Edward's eyes were wild from the hunt, a bright golden-brown, rainbows dancing off his skin…A different sort of excitement brightened his eyes then, and his mouth crashed down on mine._

**EPOV**

My car glided effortlessly over the rough tarmac of the expressway, speeding past the other vehicles doing the lawful seventy miles an hour and past the seemingly endless fields of bare corn stalks. My mind, which seemed to be experiencing extreme difficulties keeping up with my body these last few hours, was still back in the forest.

I had been so caught up with the thrill of the hunt, so eager to escape reality, that I hadn't even realised that someone else was hunting close by. She had been downwind, coming from the north. The thrilling, dangerous sound of her snarl had, at the time, only alerted me to the presence of another predator after _my_ prey. Her scent had not hit me until she had, and even though, on some unconscious level, I had recognised her instantly, it was the demon inside me that had been in control. Pure survival instincts took over with the recognition of another, dangerous predator. She had fought and I had responded in kind. For a moment she had had me pinned—thinking of it now made excitement run through me, the position intensely appealing to both the masculine and animalistic sides of my nature—and she had bent her head, intending, I'm sure, to use her razor-sharp teeth to behead me. Then she had paused.

I had worked so hard in that moment to bring myself back under control, to rein in the demon; even as I had rolled us over, part of me planning exactly the same thing she had. Only at the last moment did I succeed, breaking through the blinding cloud of bloodlust…

Only to make room for another type of lust.

I groaned, pushing my shoulders back against the seat, locking my arms stiff as I clutched the steering wheel, closing my eyes, remembering the feel of her mouth on mine.

_What had I been thinking_? Straight away, I snorted and opened my eyes, releasing myself from my stiff position. I _hadn't_ been thinking. I had been hunting, then fighting for my life and then fighting for control. Once I had that control, it was too late for any other kind. My body was, once again, a thousand steps ahead of my mind. I had kissed her on impulse. I sighed. Once again, I had reached out and taken what I had wanted when I had no right.

But I hadn't been able to stop myself. What little restraint I had managed to keep around her while she was human, as hard as that had been, had disappeared completely now—and I knew why. Most of my efforts back then had been so that I wouldn't slip up and sink my teeth into her vulnerable flesh; to prevent myself from leaving unintentional bruises—or worse. All those careful lines I had drawn around our physical relationship had been based purely and solely on the fact that she had been human and I had not. The rest of my efforts had been spent trying to tame the demon in me, the demon that had roared for her blood every moment we were together and every moment we weren't—the same demon that mourned the loss of that blood even now, so many years later.

But all of that no longer mattered.

And that was why I couldn't bring myself to regret my actions. The guilt was so heavy that, by rights (and if I needed to breathe), I should be suffocating. Leaving her the way I had—I had no rights to be kissing her, instinctual or not. But there had been something so intensely…erotic about the whole situation—knowing that she was on the hunt; hearing her snarl; feeling her strength; seeing her soaked body beneath mine…

No, there was no way I could resist that.

And she hadn't objected. Not at first, anyway. I could remember with perfect clarity that soft, mewling noise she had made when our tongues touched, the way her hand had clutched at my hair, how eagerly she had entwined her fingers with mine. Just like the very first time I kissed her, only this time I didn't have to pull away. There was no rushing of blood to her lips, no sudden pounding of her heart—no need to restrain myself.

My excitement faded, the guilt weighing in heavy again, at the thought. Of course there had been no blood rush. Of course there was no pounding heartbeat.

She was a vampire now, condemned to a bleak half-life existence of eternal night—and it was my fault.

Again, my emotions turned from where they should've been and I found that I couldn't bring myself to completely mourn the fact that she was actually a vampire. I should be ashamed of myself, and on some distant, far away level I was—just. When we were together all those years ago in Forks, I tried not to think of what it would be like to be with her as a vampire—instead, I spent most of my time forcing myself to daydream about being human and being human with her, doing human things. But occasionally, I would slip. I would hate myself afterward, despising that I could even contemplate such a future for her, even if it was only make-believe—yet, could I be blamed? It was, after all, the more realistic of the two realities. There was no way I could have ever become human again, no matter what I was willing to give. And even if I was to become human, what is to say that I would even survive my first hour of my regained mortality? As vampires, we are frozen in the state we were in before we were changed. So who is to say that the Spanish Influenza hasn't been eternally frozen too, waiting to strike the moment my blood starts flowing again?

Now, at least, I had the chance to redeem myself. And I was determined to get her back. I didn't know if it was a cruel joke on God's part, giving me what I had wished for so desperately over the decades, but now I had the chance to set right every wrong I had caused. I had a chance to attempt some manner of describing what she meant to me. I had a chance to have her take me back. Cruel joke or not, I would do whatever I had to in order to have her forgive me—I'll even get down on my stomach and grovel at her feet like the pitiful, undeserving creature I am if I have to.

Anything—as long as I can have her back.

I sighed as I pulled up into the garage, parking next to my Audi. I sighed again as I put my head back on the headrest, closing my eyes. Esme was fretting—I realised, then, that I hadn't been home since seeing Bella yesterday.

I cringed, hearing the bookshop owner's voice again, calling her "Miss Masen". It hurt, for some inexplicable reason. As much as it warmed my long-dead heart, it hurt. Because I was so guilty for leaving her? Because I had wanted her to take my name, but I had wanted her to do it in a manner that involved rings and vows? Because she had taken my name, despite what I did to her?

Was it possible she still loved me? Even after all of that?

I got out of the car and walked slowly into the house. We lived on the very outskirts of the city, in a house very similar to the one in Forks. At first it had been painful, but as I grew accustomed to it, I was grateful for it's similarities. Sometimes I could close my eyes and pretend it was all a bad dream, that Bella was still with me, her heart still beating itself into a flying frenzy whenever I touched her, her blood flooding her face when she knew what was making me smile.

If only I _could_ dream.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting in the living room, waiting for me. They both looked concerned and they were both guarding their thoughts. I frowned, suddenly and unjustly angry. It was bad enough that I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts, that I couldn't understand her reaction in the river. She had been kissing me as much as I had been kissing her and she had been enjoying it as much as I. Then she had thrown me off her with such ferocity, I wouldn't know what to think if I hadn't seen the fear in her eyes. I snarled quietly. Why was she afraid of me, now, when she was one of my kind, when I would have to expend a great deal of effort just to cause her some slight pain? Why did she fear me as a vampire but not when she was human?

I usually had no problems when my family blocked me out—I respected their privacy. If they didn't block me out, I tried to block them out. But my nerves were raw. I was angry. I was upset.

I turned my back on them and started to head upstairs, suddenly not wanting to talk. It was childish, I knew, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

_Wait._

"Edward."

I paused, one foot on the stairs. I really just wanted to ignore him, go upstairs and lock myself in my room and… Well, I wasn't sure what I do, but if the pain in my chest was anything to go by it would probably be something along the lines of curling up into a ball and doing nothing but existing, just like I've been doing for the last eighty years. Or maybe I would start finding ways to get her back. Either way, I couldn't ignore him. Both my birth parents and my adopted ones had raised me better than that.

I turned.

Carlisle stood now, while Esme stared at me with an expression that told me she would be crying if she could. Their thoughts were still blocked.

"We've been worried, Edward. You haven't been answering your phone."

I shrugged. "I went hunting."

"Did you go a round with an alligator?" Emmett asked, walking in the French doors, with Rosalie right behind him. She wrinkled her nose, as she looked me over, disgust evident on her face. Usually I wouldn't have given a second thought to what she thought of my appearance—if not for the fact that I couldn't hear her thoughts. It was mildly surprising. Rosalie very rarely hid anything from me. That's not to that say she didn't on occasion. Majority of the time though, she was consumed in thoughts about her own perfection or tangled up in thoughts of Emmett. If she ever learnt anything she could use to goad me with, she kept it right up front where I would be sure to see it or deliberately blocked me out when she knew it was something I wanted to know. But her entire demeanour was different. Whatever she was hiding from me, she genuinely didn't want me to know.

Emmett's thoughts were similarly closed and that was an even greater surprise than Rosalie. I could count the number of times Emmett had deliberately blocked me on three fingers. His thoughts were always so obviously reflected in whatever he did or said, if not exactly what he had been thinking, that he had often told that me he didn't care in the least if I heard his thoughts.

"No."

"Your clothes say otherwise," Alice chirped from upstairs.

I glanced down. So that was why Rosalie had frowned. I was still wet, covered in dirt, and my shirt was torn where Bella had ripped through it with her nails. I hadn't even noticed.

But I did notice that Alice's thoughts were blocked. I searched for Jasper and met the same wall. All of them were in on it? I growled. I knew what it was about. Of course I did. Bella had shown up for the first time in eight decades, long after we thought she had died; after I had gone on a suicide mission to Italy that had very nearly gotten my entire family killed; after I had spent eight decades as a whole new brand of walking corpse. What else was it going to be about? But did they really think me that weak? That I wouldn't hold together if I heard her name in their thoughts?

"When did we start keeping secrets?" I asked through my teeth.

Rosalie lifted her chin, instantly on the defensive. "What? We're not entitled to a bit of privacy?"

I ignored her, in no mood to rise to the bait. I looked instead at Carlisle as Alice came down with Jasper in tow. I started to relax, feeling a calm spread through me. I tried to glare at Jasper, but the work was done. I sighed, all the tension leaving my shoulders. It was nice to relax, since I had been on edge since yesterday afternoon, but I didn't particularly _want_ to be calm.

"You don't need to baby me," I told them.

"Are you sure about that?" Rosalie sneered. "I seem to remember the last time your little _pet_"—she spat the word—"was involved. We all ended up in Italy trying to restrain your suicidal tendencies."

I flinched.

"Rose," Emmett muttered, putting an arm around her shoulders. But she shook him off, stepping away from him, shaking her head. Her eyes were large and black as she glared furiously at me.

"We're not babying you Edward," Esme said softly into the silence. "We're just…"

"Concerned," Alice whispered. "We know how much you love her." She came up to me and took my hand. "We don't like seeing you in pain."

_Rose is just upset_. She squeezed my hand. _She doesn't mean it_.

What was she upset about? Upset that Bella was back, in a sense? Upset that Bella, if she would forgive me, would become part of this family? Upset that I could be happy again?

I shook my head, looking down into my sister's pixie face.

"What are you hiding from me, Alice?" My voice was soft, but I knew she heard the pain behind the words.

She hesitated, her eyes closing for a brief moment. When she looked back at me, her eyes were torn. _You're going to hurt_.

"Tell me," I begged.

She looked at Jasper over her shoulder and the tension in the air dissipated a bit. She took both my hands before saying, "We saw Bella today."

By 'we' I knew that she meant her, Esme and Rosalie. She showed me bits and pieces—Bella's shy smile, her expressive angelic face, her nervous fiddling with whatever she could get her hands on—all Bella. _My_ Bella. I knew I was annoyed that she didn't let me see the whole conversation, but I couldn't make the effort to be with Jasper around. But what more could I ask for? As much as I burned to know what they had discussed, I could respect that Alice wanted to keep it private for her multitude of reasons. I had already taken more than I deserved today and then some.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, it hurt, knowing that Alice and Esme had both had Bella willingly in their arms, knowing that they had gotten to sit down and listen to her voice. But the way Alice had looked at me, I had thought it would be so much worse.

"Thankyou," I said. I felt calm enough to tell her my little secret. "I saw her today too."

Her eyes went wide. "_She_ came to _you_?"

I probably should've taken that as a warning sign, but Jasper's calming influence was taking its toll.

"So you've spoken to her?" Rosalie asked. _Rosalie_. That gave me pause. I expected the question to come from Esme, not _Rosalie_, who had always hated Bella, who had just gone out of her way to make sure I was in pain. I must have looked at her oddly because she huffed and crossed her arms, resuming her glaring. But I saw the thought before she had time to hide it.

She felt bad for Bella. She actually felt guilty that we had left.

I was taken completely by surprise. It was an unusual feeling because it rarely happened. The only other time I had experienced such surprise was during the six months I had spent with Bella, my own personal enigma who had taught me so much of what it was to be human. Her ability to keep me blocked had meant a good many surprises on my part, even with her expressive face and my future-seeing sister.

"Rosalie…" I started.

She knew I had seen it. She knew the moment she had thought it that I had seen it. Her glare grew more pronounced as she hissed at me.

"Don't you _dare_, Edward. Don't you _dare_ try to tell me you thought it was for the best! If you hadn't made us leave, this wouldn't have happened." To accentuate her words, she threw images at me: Bella's dark golden eyes; Bella cupping her coffee-prop, the hot liquid's steam abruptly disappearing at her frozen touch; Bella's soft voice full of pain as she spoke; Bella with her head on her arms; Bella's heart-broken expression as she shook her head at something Esme was saying. Then the images changed: Bella as a human, watching me as I played the piano for her; Bella as a human at the party Alice had thrown for her, before everything went wrong; Bella as a human sitting across from me in the Forks High School cafeteria; me speaking happily with Esme, telling her what a klutz-prone danger magnet the love of my life was.

I saw the point she was ruthlessly making her way to. I knew why she was throwing all these images at me. Bella as a human and Bella as a vampire. The contrast was…indescribable.

"Do you have any _idea_ what she has been through?" she continued. "All these years by herself? _You_ made us leave, Edward! _You_ told us she would be fine! And now we find out that she is one of us! We left because you told us to. And because of that, dear _brother_, she lost her humanity."

"That's not true, Rosalie," Alice said, still gripping my hands, like she was trying to hold me together. "Bella would've joined our family eventually, even if we had stayed."

I had never agreed with Alice on this point. I don't think I ever would. I still didn't now. And I had never liked to hear her little prophecies about Bella's change. I either couldn't stop the snarl that tore out of my chest, or I just couldn't be bothered—I didn't know really, because I was too distracted by the pain and the guilt. It was one thing to tell myself that the blame was all mine, but an entirely other thing to have _Rosalie_ slap it in my face.

But it made sense, didn't it? Rosalie valued humanity above everything. Out of all us, she mourned the loss of hers, still, even after almost two centuries of this life. I had told Bella once that Rosalie was jealous of her humanity, that she didn't actually hate _her_ as a person. Of course Rosalie wouldn't like it. But the thought never crossed my mind that she would be _mad_. I hadn't thought she cared about Bella _that_ much.

"Edward…" Esme started, but I cut her off.

"She's right, Esme." My voice was calm and composed—the complete opposite of how I felt. I had to get away, before I collapsed. "She's right." I turned to go up the stairs. Alice stood in front of me, barring the way, only face-to-face because I was two steps lower. Her face was upset, the look of someone who knows they're about to be asked to do something they don't want to do because they'll hurt the person asking.

If I had had any idea just how bad the pain would be, would I have asked?

"Everything," I whispered, grabbing at her hand again. I didn't remember letting it go. "Please, I need to know." My voice cracked on the last word. The contrast Rosalie had shown me was too obvious.

Alice was shaking her head. "I can't tell you what she was thinking, Edward. And I can't tell you what she'll decide—I don't think I can see her now unless she wants me to."

"Please," I begged again.

She sighed.

I shut my eyes, trying to restrain the pain lancing through me as I watched Bella, my gorgeous Bella, as she explained her theory, how she had managed to disappear on me. It was what Alice had been thinking of while she spoke. Now, she slowly loosened her hold on the memory all together; letting me witness the entire encounter, from meeting outside the shoe shop to the moment she had gotten up and left.

Ah, the pain.

I groaned, feeling utterly broken and destroyed, and sank down onto the stairs. She still believed I didn't love her. It was so…I couldn't accurately describe how much it hurt. I just, so badly, wanted to die. I couldn't stand the pain. I couldn't… This afternoon meant nothing.

I'd lost her.

Esme was beside me, embracing me, rocking me back and forth, like I was a child. I felt Alice come and sit by my knees and she wrapped her arms around my waist, putting her head on my chest, muttering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over again. I knew Jasper stood at the bottom of the stairs, trying to ease my emotions, but they were too deep, the pain too much.

And I knew in that instant, that if I were human, I would have died.

xoXox

Sometime later, I found myself sitting at my piano. I don't know how much time later. I wasn't really sure how I got there. But I was sitting there, staring at the ivory keys. I didn't know if it was even still in tune. It had been so long since I had played—it would probably be covered in cobwebs if Esme wasn't such a meticulous cleaner. I ran my fingers over the smooth keys, pausing over the middle C. Without thinking about it, I pressed down. The note rang out clear and pure. The corner of my mouth twitched. Of course Esme had kept it in tune.

I sat up a bit straighter, lifting my left hand to join my right, and let my fingers dance out the tune to an old melody my birth mother had taught me—one of the few things of my human life that I remembered with perfect clarity.

Without conscious thought, I let the melody slow, moving further down the keys so the music became darker, more haunting. Through it, I weaved the notes I had first composed to a brighter, happier background. I closed my eyes and let the music take me, letting my fingers dance out a slow, mournful rendition of Bella's Lullaby.

I refused to let myself have any type of conscious thought. I blocked out the sounds of my family scattered throughout the house. There was only me, my music and the sound of all the emotion threatening to overwhelm me as it had earlier. I had no other way to express it. There were no words that could fully encapsulate what I was feeling and do it justice. I had lost the only thing, the only person who had ever given my life meaning. I wasn't sure what was more painful—thinking she was dead or knowing she was alive but didn't want me.

Music was my only means of expression.

My eyes stared vacantly into space as the memories, despite my efforts, leaked though my concentration.

I should have gone back. I should have just given in to what I had wanted and gone back. I had been thinking about it and I had known I was only a matter of days away from giving in when Rosalie had called me. If only I _had_ gone back. Damn it, if only I had never _left_. Laurent would never have gotten his hands on her, let alone his teeth. She would've been safe, as safe as Bella ever was. Then we wouldn't be in this mess.

Anger lanced through me, at sharp odds with the devastation and the melancholy self-hatred I was feeling. Damn Laurent to the bowels of Hell. We had gone back to hunt for him after. It was the only other thing, other than not getting my family killed, that prevented me from persisting my quest for death. If I couldn't kill myself, the indirect cause of her death, I would kill him for physically doing the deed.

But we had never found him. His scent was long gone and the Denali coven hadn't seen him since before he left on his little mission for Victoria. There was no trace of him and no trace of Bella. I had gone back to Charlie's at one point and spent the entire night curled up on her bed, my face buried in her pillow. Even though she had been gone for more than a month, it had still smelt like her. I had almost been able to successfully pretend that she was asleep, that it was her hair I had my face buried in.

Almost.

I knew that Charlie hadn't touched her room at all, leaving it exactly as it had been when she had walked out of the house that fateful morning. I would have happily stayed there, where the knowledge that it was my fault was constantly bombarding me with every breath I took, every time I looked at something that hinted at the life she had had. It was the perfect kind of torture—it tore me apart, ripping me to shreds over and over again. But Alice had come and dragged me out of the house—but not before I knelt down and pulled up the floorboards.

Another of my guilty sins. I had promised her that I would leave, that it would be like I had never existed. I had stolen into her room after I left her in the forest and taken every thing I had given her, anything that was directly related to me. And I had hidden it all under her floorboards. The CD I had given her, the plane tickets to Florida—everything. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't bear to part myself from her completely. I had to leave something of me with her. I don't know what I was thinking. It was pointless, really. She had had no idea that they were still there; she wouldn't have known that I still cared for her.

I clenched my eyes shut as pain spasmed through me. After all the times I had told her I loved her—that I would find a way to die after her because there would be no living without her—how had she believed me so easily? _How_?

I took a painful breath and opened my eyes, focusing on my hands as they flew over the keys.

I didn't want to give up. As much as I knew I didn't deserve her, that I had never deserved her, I still wanted her. I needed her. If only I could find some way to make her see…

I suddenly realised I had an audience.

She stood, half-hidden behind the French doors Rosalie had stormed out of earlier. I froze as our eyes met. Completely froze.

Timidly, without breaking eye contact, she stepped into the room. She crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously, just like she used to when she was human. Then she glanced over my shoulder and I was suddenly aware of Esme and Alice at the bottom of the stairs. I hadn't heard them come down. I don't know how long they'd been there watching me play. But I turned my head just enough so that I could see them out the corner of my eye, refusing to let Bella out of my sight. If she disappeared again…

Quietly, Esme and Alice left, going back up stairs. Once they were gone, I turned all my attention to the beautiful creature still standing as far away from me as possible. The light breeze blowing through the doors only just carried her scent to me and I breathed it in happily. It wasn't as tempting as it used to be, in the sense that it no longer caused my throat to burn and the venom to pool in my mouth. It caused a faint stirring though, the monster remembering just how glorious that side of her scent had been and remembering now that it was forever beyond my reach.

"Please," she whispered, backing up against the wall, moving herself closer to me. "Keep playing."

I'd much rather listen to her voice, but I complied. I would comply with any demand she would make of me. I couldn't trust myself to look at her without launching myself as her again, so I kept her in my peripheral vision. I was not going to let her disappear on me again before I had a chance to talk to her. Of course, the fact that she was even here, and under her own will, was evidence enough that she wasn't thinking of running from me again. But still…

I watched as she closed her eyes, putting her head back on the wall. Moments later, she clenched her arms around her chest and slid to the floor. I forced myself to stay where I was—until I heard her gasp.

I was beside her in an instant. I hesitated though, unsure. Did she want me to touch her? Just because I had kissed her earlier was no guarantee that she had appreciated it—after all, her response had seemed as impulsive as my decision to kiss her in the first place.

Another gasp and I pulled her out of her cramped ball and against my chest. Her arms shot around my neck, locking tight—another painful reminder of the reason she was still alive. She sobbed, her face pressing into my neck and Rosalie's painful montage played through my mind again. I tightened my own grip, not missing the fact that I was holding her with all my strength—something I had never done before. But I was never going to let go again, not now, not unless she told me to.

How I hoped she would never tell me to.

Eventually her tearless sobbing eased. And she didn't move. She stayed still in my arms, taking deep breaths against my neck. I didn't let go, keeping my own face buried in her neck, in the thick brown tresses cascading down her back. Her body wasn't the soft, fragile soap bubble it used to be. She was still soft but substantial, and far more durable, now that she was as hard as I was—but it was more like human flesh on human flesh rather than stone on stone.

I couldn't stop myself from whispering her name and the moment I did, I regretted it. She drew back, but only, it seemed, so she could look at me. I relaxed slightly and stared back at her. My eyes travelled the familiar lines of her face, enhanced beyond beautiful by the change. But my eyes could only stay away from hers for so long.

I don't know what she saw in my face during her study—I couldn't hear her thoughts—but she put a hand on my chest and pushed me away, a tearless expression on her face that stabbed at me. She stood gracefully and moved away, over to my piano. I stood and turned to watch her, hating that I had no idea what she was thinking. I had no idea how she would react to anything I would say. She had changed so much in the last eighty years, had had too may life-altering experiences, that there was no way that she was still the exact same Bella she had been when I had first met her, no way that she still reacted to the world the way she had when she was human.

She gently brushed her fingers over the keys of my piano and her voice was soft when she spoke.

"We need to talk."


	6. Part VI

**Disclaimer:** I'm flattered, I really am -- but I am not Stephenie Meyer nor do I own the books (at least in a copyright sense)

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**THANKYOU! You guys are absolutely awesome! The response to that last chapter blew me away...and blew up my faithful old laptop. I'm serious. It went ka-boom! but in a quiet way and without all the smoke ;P So that's why it's taken so long to update. I lost everything I had on my laptop--including the majority of what I had written for this chapter at the time and the only thing I had of this chapter was the smidget I took out of the last one 'cause I had saved it to my USB :'( ...So I had to re-write. I was devo...**

**But anyway, thankyou to all those AMAZING reviews--they were beautiful and funny and really encouraging :) I'm loving that you guys are so into this story! **

**I took a leaf out of SM's book (haha) and I've posted a link to a little gallery in my profile that has pictures of the cars and the building I'm using for the story. So after you've read (and reviewed, hopefully -wink wink, nudge nudge-) swing by and take a look--or have your review box open while you view and let me know what you think...**

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**Part VI – Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you…**

"_But he…he _left_…He didn't want me."_

"_He lied."_

_Edward's eyes were wild from the hunt, a bright golden-brown, rainbows dancing off his skin…A different sort of excitement brightened his eyes then, and his mouth crashed down on mine._

_I was never going to let go again, not now, not unless she told me to…How I hoped she would never tell me to._

**BPOV**

I had followed him back to his car, a modest silver affair that reminded me of the Volvo. Heck, it could've been the Volvo for all I knew. I was no more car-literate now than I was when I was human. I think. I had followed as far as I dared, only stopping when he turned onto a long drive that disappeared from sight. I'd sat in my car and deliberated. Did I get out and follow him on foot? Do I keep driving behind him? Or did I not follow him at all? I could go home so I could change and then come back. I'd been pretty sure the drive led to some beautiful piece of architectural magnificence put together by Esme. I would know how to get here, and I had still been wet and my clothes hadn't been in the same condition that they had been when I had put them on this morning. I had never really been a vain person but if I didn't loose my nerve, I would be facing _him_.

That was incentive enough.

So I went home. The whole time I tried not to think of why I was showering, why I had to change. As the water fell lightly onto my skin and trickled down my body, I tried not to think of that moment in the river. I tried not to think of the sound of his growl as he had kissed me; so…erotically sensual as his body bore down on mine. I tried not to think of the sight of him, wet and dangerous, as he crouched, ready to pounce, in the water. I tried not to think of how delightfully…unchaste our kiss—our first _real_ kiss—had been, of why it had felt so deliciously different. Perhaps because the adrenaline had already been pumping, so to speak, from trying to kill one another. Perhaps because it had been so completely uncensored then, when it always had been in the past. And perhaps because the position of our bodies was…

Yeah. I tried not to think about it, and I failed miserably.

I was a nervous wreck as I ran back. I refused point-blank to let myself stop and think about what I was doing—if I did, I would chicken out. I would turn back and go hide in the comfort of my own house, where I would curl up with a good book—where I wouldn't have to face him. I'm pretty sure making the offensive move in these sorts of situations had never been my strong point.

But I couldn't do that. I couldn't chicken out again.

So I refused to think about it.

Now I sat in a tree, watching the seemingly empty house. I could hear running water, the soft murmurs of voices too far away to distinguish. I heard an engine roar to life and moments later a silver-blue car was coming down the drive, its headlights flicking on as it came. I could see Carlisle behind the wheel, through the black-tinted windows. Heading off to the hospital, I wouldn't doubt. I could see his expression through the window and I was surprised that his face, usually so quick to smile, was twisted into a worried frown. He glanced into his rear-vision mirror four times, looking back at the house before the drive wound out of sight. I wondered at his expression as I turned my own gaze back to it.

The building was as magnificent as I had thought it would be. The gentle grey of the columns and roof contrasted nicely against the soft white of the bricks, bringing attention to the numerous windows. Three-stories tall, it was just as timeless, just as graceful as I remembered the house at Forks to have been. And, I decided, it was probably just as old. Light was shining out of every window I could see.

I wasn't sure how I was planning to proceed from this point. It was like sitting in my car this morning all over again, only this time I had to worry about meeting the whole family—well, most of the family, except for Carlisle…and Alice, Esme and Rosalie, who I had already seen. So really just Edward, Emmett and Jasper. I laughed quietly and shook my head at myself. I could really use some of Jasper's calming influence right about now—I had been sitting in my tree for the better part of an hour and I still hadn't decided what to do.

In all honesty, as much as I wanted to see everyone again, I didn't want to see them—I didn't want to let myself be happy about seeing them—until…well, not until I had his approval, I guess. Or at least until I had figured him out. I knew I didn't want to stay away from his family now that I had found them again. I had long ago accepted them as my own. Carlisle and Esme were already my parents, Emmett the big brother I never had, Alice my eccentric pixie of a sister and best friend, scholarly Jasper and even Rosalie with her self-obsession. I loved all of them and I didn't want to leave them now that I could safely be around them.

But I wouldn't drive him from his family. If he decides he still doesn't want me—I cringed away from the pain—I wouldn't argue. I would only ask for the chance to say goodbye before they all disappeared.

I saw him walk through the lounge, toward the southern end of the room, toward me. I drank him in, staring. He still moved with such feline grace, and he was still so incredibly god-like. But there was something missing…something _wrong_. I frowned, squinting my eyes as I tried to get a better look. But he disappeared behind the wall. I shifted on my perch and wobbled slightly. I grabbed quickly at the trunk of the tree to stop myself from falling. When I was stable, I shook my head at myself, brushing bark and tree sap from my fingertips. It was little moments like this that made me certain I was a klutzy vampire—or at least as klutzy as they got. It didn't seem to affect me when I hunted though, which was a plus or I would never get to eat.

I saw a slight movement in the bay window as he sat down. I shuffled on my perch and craned my neck, still trying to see him. I heard a single, clear note ring out and the voices I could hear on the upper floors fell silent. I paused too, suddenly feeling very breathless—I could remember that I had loved listening to him play. I knew without a doubt that it had been one of the things I had missed most after he left. Moments later music wafted out the open doors: a light, happy little tune. I sat back with a sigh, resting my head against the trunk. Perhaps I could calm my nerves long enough to be able to do some rational thinking without freaking out while he played.

The thought had barely formed when the music slowed and deepened. I frowned slightly. The darkness of it reflected my uncertain thoughts far too well for my liking.

Then I heard the melody being played with it.

My lullaby.

Was there any electrical charge strong enough to revive a heart so soundly dead? The shock of it was so great I almost fell out of the tree. I slapped a hand over my mouth as the pain came roaring back with a vengeance, tearing through everything I was. A heaving sob tried to break free as all my beautiful, painful memories came flooding back—memories I hadn't even realised I had lost, memories I would never allow myself to loose again. Yes, they were tearing me apart, they were excruciating; but they were of _him_ and if I couldn't keep him, my memories were all I had.

I clenched my hand as hard as I could over my mouth, squeezing my eyes as tightly shut as I could. I wouldn't scream from the sudden, intensely painful bolts dancing through my body. I wouldn't scream from the gaping hole being relentlessly torn into my chest. I pressed my face into the tree trunk as I fought for control. Slowly, the pain eased, as it always did. Gasping, I loosened my hold on myself and slowly opened my eyes, sitting up and staring at the bay windows where I knew he sat at his piano.

I could hardly bring myself to believe it.

It was my lullaby. It was dark, it was haunting, it was mournful…but it was my lullaby. It tore at my heart and I closed my eyes again, sitting perfectly still. I knew every note of music. I knew exactly when the melody would grow so unbearably sweet. I knew when the tempo would make its subtle changes, from slow to slower back to slow. I knew the way he would move his head, just a slight cock to the right then to the left. I knew when his feet would touch the pedals. I knew the way his fingers would caress every ivory key.

He still played my lullaby.

Without even realising what I was doing, I dropped down from my perch and made my way silently to the French doors that stood open, spilling soft golden light onto the darkened lawn.

I stood half-hidden behind the doors; my eyes were drawn straight to where he sat at an ornate, white grand piano, barely noticing Esme sitting on the stairs with her arms around Alice. His eyes were staring at the piano in front of him, but I knew he wasn't seeing it. His body was rocking gently back and forth with the flow of the music as it swelled effortlessly, and I remembered the first time he had ever played it for me.

It was still just as beautiful.

I didn't dare close my eyes. I watched him, watched his hands, drank in every detail I could as I watched him play, leaning myself against the door—I don't think I could stand properly on my own. I didn't breath from fear of pain, although standing there watching him, I felt…more at ease than I could ever remember since he had left. I was still absolutely petrified that the moment he realises I'm not a figment of his imagination he'll leave again. I knew I wouldn't survive it. I didn't want to be without him.

I _couldn't_ be without him.

His face suddenly crumpled in pain. The music didn't stop but it grew unbearably painful in its mournful beauty. I felt my breath hitch in pain that was a response to his as he drew in a breath. He opened his eyes, watching his hands for a moment. I was so enthralled by the heart-rending sadness of this new…perspective on my lullaby, that it took me a moment to notice.

The music had stopped…

…And I was staring him in the eyes as he sat, still as a carved angel, at his piano.

I still had no idea what I was going to say to him, what I _could_ say to him without him turning his back and never coming back. But I couldn't hide this time—I _wouldn't_ hide. I had made my decision—now it was time to see it through.

How I planned to do that, though, I had no idea.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the room, crossing my arms as I did. I glanced at Esme and Alice who were still sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I saw Edward tilt his head slightly, and they got up and left, smiling gently at me as they went.

He was still staring at me and I was confused by the anguished look in his beautiful eyes.

I put my back against the wall.

"Please," I whispered. "Keep playing."

He looked away from me, his heavenly face devoid of emotion, as he put his fingers to the keys. I tried to ignore the pain clawing at my chest as he looked away from me. Was he so revolted by me that he couldn't even stand the sight of me? The pain tore right through me and I slid down the wall. He was so close and yet…

I just wanted him to look at me and tell me it was all a lie. I wanted him to look at me like he used to—no, not like he used to. I wanted him to look at me as an equal. I wanted him to see that I could be so much more to him now rather than just an encumbrance. I wanted him to look at me and see what Carlisle saw whenever he looked at Esme, or when Jasper looked at Alice, or when Emmett looked at Rosalie. I wanted him to want me, even though I knew it wasn't likely. He had moved on, he had left me to go chase his distractions, whatever they had been…

No, I didn't care what he did.

I just wanted him to love me.

I felt my body shudder as pain ran through it again, felt the sharp intake of breath through my lips.

I felt his hands on my arms as he pulled me into his own. I wrapped my arms around his neck—what was the worst he could do? Push me away?—as tight as I could and clung to him. I pressed my face into his neck, sobbing, drawing in his glorious scent with every gasp. I felt his arms tighten around me and I didn't care if he didn't want me. As he hugged me back, pulling me closer to him, burying his face in my hair, it was easy to fantasise that he wanted me.

And I was so much happier pretending.

I was content to just stay in his arms. I wasn't planning on moving until he told me to. I kept my face in his neck for reasons I couldn't fathom, even to myself. I should be staring at his face, recalling every detail that had slipped from my imperfect human memories, rememorising his beautiful face. But I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes again. I didn't understand his motives for comforting me like this but the last thing I wanted to see in his eyes was some sense of duty. I wouldn't be able to take it.

Quietly, so quiet I almost missed it even with his mouth right next to my ear, I heard him say my name.

I couldn't understand the emotion in it. I pulled back and stared at him, trying to figure out why his voice was so forlorn. He stared back at me, his eyes moving hungrily over my face.

I was confused. I didn't understand. Why had he been playing my lullaby like that? Why was there so much pain in his face, in his voice and in his eyes? He had left—he hadn't wanted me. Why was he behaving like this?

Was he feeling guilty? Or did he really…?

No. I wouldn't let myself go there. The pain would be bad enough as it was.

I didn't want to leave his arms. I didn't want to move away from him, not even an inch. But I couldn't think clearly with him so close, with his scent swirling around my head with each intoxicating breath. My thoughts were a jumbled mess as it was.

I put my hand on his chest; trying to ignore the electricity that shot up my arm, and reluctantly pushed him away. I stood, hating each step I took—who knew if I'd ever get to be in his arms again—and went to his piano. I dusted the keys with my fingertips, thinking of the way his fingers had moved over them, the way his fingers had slid up my arm earlier in the river, entwining with mine…

I could feel him watching me and I found myself wondering, for a moment, if he was as lost and confused as I was in a turmoil of boiling emotions.

I took a deep breath. I still wasn't ready for this.

"We need to talk," I muttered.

xoXox

I couldn't remember ever being this…awkward with him. Not even during the very early stages of our relationship. Neither of us was talking, which completely contradicted the point of being here. Because of my stubborn determination not to think about what I was doing, I now had no idea what to say. He was standing at his piano, glaring at the top where his hand rested, curled into a tight fist. His knuckles were whiter than white and his tendons were stretched taunt. Just like that first day in Biology when he had restrained himself from killing me.

But what was he restraining himself from now?

The silence stretched on as I refused to look at him. It's not that I didn't want to talk to him. Because I did. It was just…How do I accurately sum up all of my feelings, all of my experiences from the moment he left? And how do I express it to him? _Should_ I even express it to him? I mean, what was I supposed to say? _So Edward, how have you been? How did those distractions work out for you? Oh, and by the way, I've missed you and I wished you'd never left_.

He wouldn't want to hear it because he _had_ left. And I didn't want to say anything that would drive him away before we had a chance to talk.

My head was just one great, big confusing mess.

I heard him take a deep breath, and I was mildly surprised to hear it was unsteady. What impulse was he so desperately trying to oppress?

"Talking usually involves…well, talking," he muttered, still frowning at his clenched fist.

Oh, yeah.

"I don't know where to start," I whispered.

Scratch that, I thought suddenly. I knew exactly where I wanted to start. If Alice and Esme were right, I wanted to hear it from his own mouth.

"Why did you leave?" I demanded, my voice suddenly firm with my determination. I forced myself to look at him, straight in the eyes. I was perversely grateful for my lacking heartbeat. He may not have been able to hear my thoughts as a human but my heartbeat had always given me away. I didn't want him to know how anxious I was for his answer.

He stared at me with those anguished eyes—the ones that caused me so much confusion—again as he shook his head.

"I'm sorry." He looked away. "I'm so sorry."

I flinched. I dropped my own eyes to the coffee table in front of me, suddenly feeling…well, it felt like someone had just poured salt on my gaping chest wound. "That doesn't answer my question, Edward." His name burned in my throat as I said it for the first time in eighty years, directly addressing him.

He was in front of me then, perching himself lightly on the edge of the fragile glass top. He looked at me, trying to meet my eyes, but I kept them away from him, his sudden proximity being almost too much to handle. I was shocked by the sudden electrical charge that was between us—a flash of a dark classroom, lit only by the light of a television screen, filled my head, followed by the kiss in the river earlier.

"I didn't know," his whispered. His voice was as rough as smooth velvet could be and his words began to flow quickly. "I had no idea. I didn't realise the mess I was leaving behind. I thought you would be…" He paused and took a deep breath. "I had no idea that Victoria"—he snarled the name—"would come back—that she would send Laurent." A growl ripped from his chest.

I felt myself frown, as I looked at the space above his right shoulder. Why did that matter? He had left because he hadn't wanted me—a fact he hasn't denied, even when given the chance. So if he didn't want me, why did it matter?

Well, just because he didn't want me didn't mean he didn't care. Right? You could not want to be with someone, but still care about them, couldn't you? And if you cared, you would be upset if something awful happened to them, wouldn't you? So maybe he _was_ feeling guilty. Was that it? He may not want me anymore, but he had at one point, and he had cared. I knew that. So, had it been guilt that had compelled him to go to Italy? Had it been guilty relief that had him kissing me in the river, relief that he hadn't been the reason for my supposed death?

I shook my head and stood. I moved away from him, putting the sofa between us. I could feel him watching me. I kept shaking my head—I couldn't form a single coherent thought.

"I don't…That doesn't…Why does…?" I had to take a deep breath, to settle myself. I didn't want him to see how upset I was. I looked down at my hands again, resting on the back of the sofa. I had to focus on one question at a time. I looked up and met his eyes again. My breath caught in my throat. He was…absolutely glorious, even as he stared at me with such obvious anguish on his face. I looked away quickly, focusing again on the space above his right shoulder.

"Please," I whispered. "Tell me the truth, Edward, whatever it is. Why did you leave me?" My voice broke and I knew I would be crying if I could.

He stood and I took a step back as he took one forward. I couldn't see the hurt my retreat caused him without looking at him, but I heard it in his voice. And it only confused me more.

"I thought you would be safer." His voice was softest velvet as he whispered the words. "I thought that if I took myself away from you, I would take everything about my world with me and you could live a safe, happy, _human_ life." I was frozen where I stood as his voice washed over me. He moved slowly, stepping around the end of the sofa, coming closer to me. I followed his movements out of the corner of my eye. He stopped just within arms reach. "I never thought…I never wanted you to have this life.

"I lied, Bella. I lied through my teeth and I'm sorry. So sorry because I hurt you, because it was a worthless effort. I couldn't protect you from my world." His hand reached out and gently brushed my hair back over my shoulder, his knuckles grazing the very spot Laurent had bitten. "I lied to save you, Bella, and it didn't work. I'm so sorry."

My eyes had fluttered closed when he had touched me. They were still closed as his hand slid under the hair at the nape of my neck. I tilted my head back, into his hand. We were both made of frozen marble but there was heat generating somewhere where his hand was resting on my neck. I would have been hyperventilating if it were possible.

He was stepping closer to me, his scent blooming around me. I tried to focus on his words.

I forced myself to step away from him, away from his hands.

"You lied," I whispered. I repeated it like a mantra in my head, over and over, trying to convince myself. _He lied_, _he lied_. I moved to stand near a marble pillar, wrapping my arms around myself. "You lied." I was staring in the general direction of the floor, but I wasn't seeing it. I was seeing all the years I had been without him. My human memories were nothing more than a haze of pain too great to describe.

My vampire memories were tortuously cruel in their photographic precision.

I had had none of my human memories immediately after the change was complete. I'm not sure why—I don't know if it was a generic defect, if you will, of the change or if it was just my uncanny ability to block unpleasant memories. I didn't remember getting away from the wolves; I didn't remember how I had gotten there. It took a few days for the first memory to come back. Edward. Not the Edward that had left me in the forest, but the Edward that had picked me up for school every morning, the Edward that had chuckled at my embarrassing inquisitions as we lay in bed together for the first time.

The Edward that had shown me what it was to be in love.

I had searched for him, going back to the house by the river only to find it empty. I remember the confusion, the hurt. I couldn't remember Laurent at that stage, but I could remember my wish that Edward would give me his gift of immortality so I could spend it with him. With my memory lacking, without remembering that he had already moved on from his infatuation with me and had left, I had thought that he had finally given into my pleas and granted me my wish. I couldn't understand why I couldn't find him.

It wasn't until I had caught the scent of a human for the first time that it all came crashing back. I could remember the terrifying realisation of what that horrible, painful burning I had been feeling in the back of my throat meant—a realisation brought about by the sudden pooling of venom in my mouth. I could remember how the newborn in me had wanted to follow the scent and devour every last drop of blood it would find. I could remember the pain I had been in as I resisted—the pain that had me screaming and sobbing, curled up on the ground, my hands tearing at the earth beneath me. That pain had brought back all the rest and I knew I was alone. Edward had left me, taking his family with him. It hadn't been his venom that had coursed through my veins and made me the creature I had so badly wanted to be so that I could be with him. That knowledge had only caused me to scream louder.

After my first hunt—once the blood lust was sated—I had broken down. I had sobbed for hours, wishing he were there with me, teaching me, comforting me, sharing the experience with me. I fell into a pattern where I couldn't move from my crumpled position next to the dead carcass of the animal I had drank from, my strong young body crippled by the pain in my chest. The pain never left. Even now, eighty years later, I knew that if I went hunting I would spend the following hours in a miserable heap. I had grown used to my pain being a constant companion in my daily purgatory.

Hell had come, but I hadn't gotten to keep my angel.

And I had gone through it all because he had lied.

"You lied." I said it again, because it hurt. It hurt _so_ much. I could feel myself gasping as my arms wound around my chest again. I couldn't stand straight. My legs folded in on themselves and I succumbed to the pain. He had lied. He had told me he didn't want me, that he didn't love me, but he had lied.

So what did that mean?

I instinctively shied away from it. Following that train of thought was only going to cause more pain when he left again…or when I woke up.

Panic flooded me at the thought. Was he really just a beautiful, perfect figment of _my_ imagination? Was I really just asleep, about to wake up and find myself back in Forks, back in my bedroom at Charlie's? Was I going to wake up and realise that this, the last eighty years of my life, had been nothing more than a dream?

Would I wake up to find myself without him again?

My sobbing increased, my breath coming in wild gasps. I clutched at myself harder, trying desperately to hold myself together. I didn't care if it was a dream. I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want him to leave me again. I wouldn't survive it, dream or not—it was too real. Far too real.

I was in his arms again as he cradled me on the floor. His beautiful voice was broken and agonised as he whispered, "I did. I did, and I'm sorry. Bella. Please, Bella." I felt his face pressing against my hair. The pain in his voice tore at me. I twisted in his arms, bringing our bodies together, wrapping my arms around his waist instead, and pressing my chest to his as I tried to contain the pain. The relief was instantaneous. The hole that had been living in my chest for the last eight decades was suddenly healed, the pain nothing more than a memory. I drew in great, gasping breaths, my face pressed into his shoulder, revelling in the lacking pain. His arms tightened around me, crushing me closer and I wondered if he had had a hole too.

"I'll never forgive myself," he whispered into my hair. "Not if I live to be a thousand years. But you have to understand Bella; I would never have left if I had thought you wouldn't have been better off. I left you because I could see what I was doing to you—keeping you constantly on the edge of danger just by simply being with you, risking your life every moment we were together, taking you away from the world you belonged in." I felt him shake his head and his arms flexed around me, tightening even more. "But I never understood—I _still _don't understand—how you could believe me. How you could believe me so quickly. After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? How could you accept such a ludicrous concept—that _I_ could exist without needing _you_?"

I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question.

He lent back slightly, still keeping his arms bone-crushingly tight around me, as he tried to look at my face. "Bella, please! What are you thinking?"

I kept my face hidden in his shoulder, trying to find the answer. I settled for something easy. "I'm…I'm confused."

His hands were gentle as he pushed me away, but I felt a spasm of fear and the ghost of the hole came back. But he only pushed me away far enough so that I couldn't hide in his shoulder, and reached for my hands. "What can I do?" he whispered brokenly. "Please, Bella. What can I do to make you believe in me again?" He pressed my fingertips to his mouth, sending electricity racing up my arms. "I don't deserve you. But I need you. I love you. I _have_ always loved you and I _will_ always love you. I won't leave you unless you tell me to. Please." His breath hitched as he closed his eyes and pulled both my hands to his mouth. "_Please_."

I was frozen. He had said them. The words I had wanted to hear him say all along. The words that negated the words that had negated everything else. The emotions running through me were… incomprehensible. I wasn't sure what I was feeling because everything was just one great whirlwind and I was caught up in the middle of it.

"Bella, _please_," he begged.

So I started sobbing again. It was pitiful, but I couldn't help it.

He exhaled, and the sound was practically a growl. He pulled me back tight to his chest and rocked us back and forth. Eventually I was coherent enough to speak.

"It never made sense," I muttered, answering his earlier question. "It never made sense for you to love me. Everything about us was so…" I couldn't find a word that would accurately convey just how lopsided our relationship had been. His hands rubbing soothing circles on my back paused. "It never made sense," I repeated lamely. "I knew that. I couldn't trust myself to be enough for you. There was nothing _about_ me that could hold you…"

He interrupted me, whispering into my hair again. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that." His arms tightened around me again, trying to convince me, most probably.

But I shook my head. "The only reason you ever noticed me was because of my scent, and because you couldn't read my thoughts." I whispered so my voice wouldn't have the opportunity to break.

He pulled back from me then and there was an angry glint in his butterscotch eyes. "That's not true."

I said nothing, because I didn't believe him. He had told me himself what my scent had done to him on that first day and I could remember his reaction to me with absolute clarity.

He glared at me for a moment before his expression changed, softened and saddened by some emotion I couldn't name.

"You probably wont remember it," he said quietly. He reached out to gently tuck my hair behind my ear. My heart almost spluttered back to life when I saw the corner of his mouth lift into my favourite crooked smile, even if it was sad. "It was in the cafeteria on your first day. You were sitting with Jessica Stanley, across the room." I frowned, trying to remember. The name caused a faint stirring of a memory but I couldn't find the face. I could only remember the cafeteria in bits and pieces—mainly what I had seen over Edward's shoulders. "Your eyes," he continued after a moment, his beautiful voice so very soft as he remembered. "I find brown eyes are usually flat because of how dark they are. But yours…Yours were surprisingly deep and so…innocently expressive." The smile disappeared. "But I won't deny that I forgot all about them in the following hour I spent trying to decide the best way to massacre our entire Biology class." His voice was filled with self-loathing. He looked away and I knew he was still ashamed of his behaviour that day, despite that his family and I had already forgiven him for it.

"Edward…"

"If there's anything that doesn't make sense, Bella, it's the love you…you had for me." He looked at me earnestly and I found myself feeling very indignant at his use of the past tense. "From the very beginning, even when you figured out what I was, when I told you how badly I craved for your blood…" He shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever understand what you saw in me, but I'm beyond questioning it now. I'm too selfish—I want you too much and I need you too much—to care. All that matters is you.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm asking for it. I'll beg for it—I'll gladly stay on my knees for the rest of eternity if it means I'll get to stay with you. I'll do anything, even though I know I don't deserve you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I stared at him incredulously.

"How dare you." My voice was a soft whisper. I pulled away from him, ignoring the physical pain even this slight separation caused. I moved across the room, toward the fireplace. I turned my back on him completely, positioning myself to look out the window. I folded my arms across my chest, partially to keep the ghostly hole from tearing back into existence, partially to comfort myself. I let the silence lengthen as I tried to piece together the raging emotions inside.

"You told me once, human memories fade." My voice was soft, distracted as I submerged myself in my memories. "At the time, I took that to mean all the memories of my human life." I paused. He did nothing to break the silence. He had stood when I had walked away from him and he had moved to the pillar closest to the fireplace, but he had come no closer. I could feel him watching me.

"I was terrified, Edward," I admitted in a whisper. "Absolutely terrified when I really realised what had happened to me…I was so scared I was going to forget you." I heard his sharp intake of breath behind me but I didn't turn around. "Immediately after the change, I had no memories at all. I just knew something was different. It took a few days for the first memory to come back." I paused as I remembered. A small smile curved my lips but there was no real joy in it—more just the memory of joy. "That day in the meadow," I told him quietly. "Do you remember it?" It was a rhetorical question because I knew he would. But he answered anyway.

"Of course I remember it," he whispered, his voice low and husky with something akin to pain.

"I tried to find you. I didn't remember Laurent. I could only remember us…I thought you'd finally given in." I paused long enough for a mocking smile at my own idiocy. "But the house was empty. I couldn't find anyone. I couldn't find you." I took a deep breath and shifted my position slightly. "They all came back soon after that," I muttered, referring to my memories.

He still didn't say anything so I let silence sit between us for a bit. I wasn't exactly sure why I was telling him this, but I knew I wanted to tell him how I felt. Perhaps describing this to him would give me the help I needed to make him understand.

"You know, I've never drunk from a human," I told him in an off-hand voice, glancing over my shoulder. His eyes were gloriously intense as he stared at me, leaning against the marble pillar. I didn't allow myself to look at him for any longer than a moment because I could remember the incoherency issues I had had whenever he had looked at me like that while I was human. And judging from the feeling running through me now, those issues were still very real. I turned back to staring out the window, where I wasn't in danger of loosing my train of thought.

"I've found resisting the craving for their blood a lot easier than I thought I would. The first few times were hard"—I flinched slightly at the remembered pain—"but I managed. Now it's almost ridiculously easy to resist. That's not to say that say I don't crave it—after all, I can't change what I am."

Again, he didn't say anything when I went quiet. And I didn't dare to look at him. I was far too aware of him as it was. I could feel him standing at the pillar; I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head. I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to see my thoughts, even though we both knew it was an absolute improbability for him.

But it felt like I was getting nowhere.

So I decided to be blunt.

I wandered over to another window, pushing back the sheer white curtain so I could see outside.

"I'm confused, Edward," I informed him. "There are…so many emotions running through my head right now. So many that my body has no idea what to feel." I frowned at my reflection in the glass, trying to sort them out. "I can't describe how I feel about seeing you again. How it feels to be with you, after all these years, and to have you say the words I'd been so desperate to hear for the last eighty years. But now that you've said them…" I paused as I shook my head. "I know I'm upset…and I know I'm angry. You left. You _lied_ and you left, trying to save me from a world I'd already become a part of,"—my fingers absently traced the crescent scar on my wrist—"a world I _wanted_ to be a part of."

I sighed and let the curtain fall.

"You were so ridiculously enthusiastic about my staying human…Perhaps a little too enthusiastic."

I heard him inhale sharply again, and I turned around to face him. His eyes were closed and his head was bowed, but I could see the pain on his face. It made me feel sick.

"I don't blame you," I whispered. He opened his eyes and I flinched away from the agony in them. "I don't," I repeated, my breath hitching. "What happened to me—becoming a vampire—it was going to happen from the moment I met you." He took that the wrong way too. "Edward…" He wasn't going to listen to me, I knew. He was already drowning himself in disgust and self-loathing.

I took a deep breath.

"I hate you."

The words were too soft to be a whisper, but he heard them. His eyes snapped open and he stared at me. I couldn't even begin to fathom the emotions in his glorious eyes.

"I hate you because you left. I hate you because you're standing there and we're having this conversation. I hate you because you kissed me when we attacked each other in the forest. I hate you because we bumped into each other on the street. I hate you because it shouldn't be happening like this, not eighty years later. Not when it should've been you, Edward. I _wanted_ it to be you. I wanted _you_ to be the one to bite me. I wanted it to be _your_ venom that made me what I am…And I hate you because it wasn't."

My voice was a broken whisper by the time I finished. I turned away from him, not wanting him to see the pain I felt. But he was behind me in an instant, his hand on my wrist as I tried to move away. I didn't try too hard. He turned me back around to face him, lifting my face so he could look at me with his hand on my throat, his thumb under my chin. The air was suddenly highly charged with electricity.

"Bella…"

"I don't care what you think, Edward," I whispered. Our faces were less than two inches apart and I was aware of that same feeling of electricity originating from somewhere in his body, running through his hand on my neck and into me. "I don't care whether you think you deserve me or not—that decision is up to me and me alone. I may not agree with your motives, but I can understand why. I wish you had done things differently, I wish you hadn't been so damn stubborn. But I love you. I _do_—right this second, ever since I met you. I never stopped and I never will..."

I had memories of every time he had kissed me. I remember being constantly frustrated by his damned lines that he adhered to so carefully, constantly wishing he would just forget all about them.

Well, he forgot about them now. He didn't throw himself at me—the kiss started out somewhere between the chaste kisses of my human years and the unchaste kiss in the river. It was just very quick to escalate. He cradled the back of my head as he deepened it, his tongue tracing my lips, pulling my body tight against his. My mouth opened willing, just as it had before. My hands clutched at him, one on the arm he had around my waist, and the other tangled in his messy bronze hair.

I realised, belatedly, what impulse he had been oppressing as he pressed my back against the window; the urges I had been oppressing by refusing to look at him. He picked me up, lifting me and holding me against the glass so our faces were on the same level. I used the leverage to wrap my legs around him, to pull him closer. He growled and pushed himself closer.

The booming laughter scared the life out of me.

"Careful, Edward. Esme won't appreciate it if you break her windows."


	7. Part VII

**Diclaimer:** Twilight is not mine. I am not Stephenie Meyer...

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**_WOWSERS...I'm so so so sorry! I've been a little hectic lately. I'm still experiencing computer glitches, I have one more test for uni and I'm going through the motions of getting promoted at work--it's all very time consuming. BUT the chapter is finished and ready to go. I have to say though, just so I don't freak you all out, I won't be updating AT LEAST for a week after this because of the afore mentioned problems. However, to make up for it there is a little present to be had for all ye faithful reviewers :D_**

**_Thankyou to everyone that reviewed (over 130 of you for that last chapter ALONE! --thud-- (I died right there)) and thankyou to everyone who has added me to alerts and favourites :D Thankyou so much!_**

**_When you're all done reading, swing over to my profile, for there is a POLL there that is of vital importance..._**

**_Happy Reading, Loves xoxo_**

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**Part VII – It's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant…**

_"I hate you…I hate you because it shouldn't be happening like this, not eighty years later. Not when it should've been you, Edward. I wanted it to be you. I wanted _you_ to be the one to bite me. I wanted it to be _your_ venom that made me what I am…And I hate you because it wasn't…But I love you. I_ do_—right this second, ever since I met you. I never stopped and I never will..."_

**EPOV**

My entire being was resonating with pain. Knowing I had caused her pain and watching her express it were two very different things. To watch her crumple in on herself, to listen to her words…I took hating myself to a whole new level.

I kept myself away from her, denying myself the beautiful luxury of touching her. I knew she wanted to express herself and my touching her would only distract us both.

I had told myself over and over again that she would hate me. I had known it without a doubt. They were the words I had been waiting for her to say, and yet I don't think I had actually believed that she _would_ say them. It had never been in her nature to admit to such things so blatantly, but the wounds I had caused went deep.

_I hate you_.

Those three words hit me harder than anything else ever could, and as she continued to explain them I physically found it impossible to breathe. She turned away from me and I had to touch her, I had to look at her. I took her wrist and turned her back to me, lifting her face so I could look her in the eyes. Electricity was shooting through my arm, through my entire body—not the painful, crippling bolts I had felt earlier but the pleasant burning of awareness, of desire. It was jumbling my thoughts in a way that the pain never could. It took my best efforts just to say her name.

She glared at me, the most beautiful expression of anger I'd ever seen. And the words that flowed from her mouth…

She was forgiving me. She was going to stay with me—not because I was willing to beg and plead and do whatever I had to, but because she _wanted_ to.

She wanted _me_.

_I love you_.

The electricity made my brain short circuit with those three glorious words. I had some small measure of control—just enough to hold myself back long enough to give her a chance to push me away. But she didn't, and as the last prestiges of my control slipped I deepened the kiss, loosing myself in the feel of her, the smell of her—she opened her mouth to mine—the taste of her. She clutched at me, pulling me closer. Even with my own arm pulling her as close as I could, it wasn't enough. I picked her up, pinning her against the window, and she wrapped her legs around me. The adrenaline running through me didn't need a heart to pump it. I pressed myself closer, my ears hearing the sound of cracking glass but my brain not registering it.

Emmett, however, was as loudly observant as ever. His laughter thundered through the entire house as he said, "Careful Edward. Esme won't appreciate it if you break her windows."

His unexpected presence startled both of us. She gasped and untangled her legs, pushing against my shoulders as I reluctantly stepped back, letting her slide down the window so she could stand on her feet. I wasn't really surprised that I hadn't heard him coming. It was the same when I played the piano—if I immersed myself deep enough, I could effectively block out any thoughts but my own. And immersing myself in Bella was enough to block out even those thoughts.

But I was incredibly frustrated by Emmett's entrance. He couldn't just quietly turn around and pretend he hadn't seen anything instead of bringing the whole house down on us? I growled. Of course not. That's why he was Emmett.

Bracing an arm on the wall beside Bella's head, I glared at Emmett over my shoulder.

"Run, Emmett. Run fast," I snarled.

He laughed, completely unperturbed by my threat. "In a minute, little brother. I just want to say hi to Bella. I think you've hogged her long enough."

"Emmett," I snarled.

He was beside us and had pulled Bella out of my arms in an instant.

"Bella!" he boomed as he spun her around. Her beautiful laughter filled the room as the rest of the family came down the stairs. I watched her return Emmett's giant bear hug with her own, smiling when Emmett grunted and looked at me, saying, "She's a strong one, bro."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Why do you think I came home looking like I'd gone 'a round with an alligator'?"

Emmett's eyebrows shot up in surprise and looked back at Bella who was still trapped against his chest, her feet dangling. "That was you?"

Her eyes went wide with indignation. "He was after _my_ Lynx!"

"_Your_ Lynx?" I asked as everyone laughed.

She freed herself from Emmett and stood facing me with her arms crossed, a small lopsided smirk on her face. "Yes, _my_ Lynx. I would've had it if you hadn't interfered."

I gave her a smirk of my own and crossed my arms. "I would've had _my_ Lynx"—I leaned forward slightly as I stressed the words—"if _you_ hadn't interfered. Perhaps if I had known you were there…"

She smiled sweetly. "Edward, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." She flashed her teeth at me; amused, I'm sure, by the surprised expression on my face. I remembered those words. I remembered the way she had glared up at me while I leaned against her truck. But I hadn't thought she would remember them.

She glared at me playfully, shaking her head. I smiled at her, revelling in the exchange and her magnificence. Was it wrong of me to be so elated by the knowledge that she had accepted this life and was comfortable enough to joke about it?

Chuckling, Jasper asked from his position on the stairs behind Alice, "So who actually got it?"

Smiling, Bella pointed a finger at me as she turned to look at him. "It's _his_ fault it got away. If he hadn't gone and gotten all distracted…"

"Gee, Edward. I wonder what got you all distracted?" Emmett said with false innocence.

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as I kept my eyes on Bella. She moved her head slightly so her hair fell over her shoulder, masking her face. My smile grew. She would be blushing now, if she could.

"I don't know, Emmett. But I think it has something to do with being thrown thirty feet back into the river."

Subjugating myself to endless mockery from Emmett and Jasper was well worth seeing the smile that spread across her face. Emmett laughed as he scooped Bella up in another giant hug.

"Ah, I'm glad you're home, Bella!"

I froze, the smile slipping from my face. Of all the words to use…

It was irrational, really, but the moment he said it, all the insecurities came rushing back. Technically she hadn't said that she was staying. And we definitely hadn't even touched the subject of her living with us. I knew I wanted her to. But did she?

As if she could hear my thoughts, she looked me straight in the eyes as she said, "It's good to be home."

xoXox

"Your CD collection hasn't grown as much as I would have thought, Edward."

Too many hours later, I finally had her all to myself again. Alice had insisted on an extensive tour, showing her virtually every room in the house, from Esme's garden room to Jasper's library. We had lost her completely for an hour or two when Alice opened the doors to the family library. Three stories of books—from hand-painted first editions to modern works. I was happy to let her stay and explore to her heart's content but Alice insisted she would have all the time in the world to read them…when she wasn't busy with me, of course. I tried not to think about the pleasant implications of that statement too much.

Now we were in my room—the only room Alice hadn't shown her. She was running a finger over the plastic spines of the CD cases as she looked at them.

"I think my collection could possibly rival yours now," she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder at me. I sat on the sofa, watching her as she explored my room. I didn't really want to tell her why my CD collection hadn't grown. Because it hadn't. Any CD's added to it over the last eight decades are courtesy of my family. I hadn't bought any. I hadn't been in any state of mind to purchase them.

She came and sat beside me, folding her legs beneath her as she rested her side against the back of the sofa so she could look at me. "Are none of the modern artists to your tastes?" she teased.

I smiled ruefully, not really meeting her eyes. "I wouldn't know," I told her truthfully. "I haven't really listened to anything."

That surprised her.

"You haven't been listening to music?"

I shook my head. "No. I haven't played much, either," I admitted. Her eyes narrowed as I told her, "Tonight was the first I've played in years."

"Why?"

I shrugged. She seemed genuinely angered by this trivial fact, for reasons I couldn't fathom, so I explained, "It didn't help, so I didn't play. Usually playing or listening will calm me down or make me feel better, but…" I shrugged again. "I played once and it made no difference, so I…I didn't play again." It made no difference to me, but it had made everyone in the house miserable. No matter what I played, my emotions, my thoughts, always made themselves present. It had been my family's first glimpse at the inescapable depression I was lost in and I vowed never to let them witness it again. "I haven't felt the need to." Until tonight. I had ended up at my piano without conscious thought, for which I was glad. If I _had_ given it thought, would I have played? Probably not. And if I hadn't, would she have come to the doors? Would she be sitting next to me, frowning at me?

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

Her expression softened and she sighed. "No." She reached over and took one of my hands, pulling it into her lap where she started tracing patterns onto my palm. "Well, not for your lacking musical activities," she qualified. She looked up at me, her expression pained, her eyes burning with frustration.

"You know they told me you went to Italy."

Ah. Of course. She was just as angry now as she had been when I stupidly brought the subject up on her birthday after watching _Romeo and Juliet_—probably more so because I had actually attempted it, rather than just considered it as a back-up plan.

"I'm pretty sure I told you never to do that," she continued when I said nothing. "And didn't you promise not to?"

"No. I said it was a moot point," I corrected softly. I stared at our hands. Hers were still small, still delicate-looking, as they toyed with one of mine. But I could feel the strength in them. "I thought you were dead, Bella." It hurt for some reason, saying it aloud and I knew that pain was reflected in my voice. I shook my head slightly as I considered the turmoil I had been in when I had believed it. "I wasn't going to live without you."

Her hands tightened on mine and I looked up at her. She used to cry when she got angry—a trait she had always found embarrassing while I found it endearing. But she had no tears to cry anymore. Her eyes were tight with her anger instead, and yet she didn't let go of my hand.

"Do you realise how unfair that is?" she asked softly, her voice wounded. "You made me promise not to do anything reckless or…or stupid. And yet the minute you think I'm dead, you run off to Italy." I flinched and looked out the windows. "I held true to my promise, Edward—for the most part. I mean…it's not like I was living in the hope that you would come back. I've already told you our relationship didn't make sense to me then. I was just living my promise, even though suicide may have brought…some kind of welcome respite." My head snapped around to look at her. "What?" she asked. "You're the only one allowed to think about it? I may not have thought you were dead, Edward, but it felt like I was. You took everything I was with you when you left…everything.

"_Moot point_," she muttered, shaking her head. "We both know I made it clear to you what I thought about your little 'contingency' plans. You knew I didn't want you to do anything to yourself, no matter what happened to me. But you went ahead with it anyway. Do you see how unfair that is?"

Yes I did. It was true. Her words from that day while we sat on the sofa had been in my mind from the moment I had decided to go to Italy. They had been circling around my head the whole time I was there, while my family slowly convinced me to come back. I had known she didn't want me to do what I was doing, but I did it anyway. I had made her promise to stay safe and she had done her best to stay true to that promise, despite the pain it—and I—had caused her. I, on the other hand, had gone against her wishes in a situation where I knew what was expected of me. Should I not have honoured those wishes? Despite the knowledge that my existence would be painful and completely devoid of reason if I did?

If only for the fact that I loved her?

I should have.

I reached out with my free hand to brush my knuckles down the same path I had that second day outside the Forks High School gym; down her face, from her temple to her jaw. Two centuries of life and I'm yet to hear words that could accurately describe her magnificence.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as she closed her eyes. They were miserable, weak words but they were all I had to offer. I couldn't make her understand the shame and the guilt that pulsed through my being and I didn't want to. I'd caused her enough pain without weighing her down with my own.

Her eyes were filled with emotion when she opened them and I saw the last thing I deserved.

Forgiveness.

She opened her mouth to speak but her luminous eyes were distracted by something on the low table beside me. I knew without looking what had caught her attention. I turned and pulled her scrapbook out from under the other books on top of it. Without a word, I handed it to her.

She took it but didn't open it. Instead, she looked at me, her beautiful face confused.

"I didn't think you took the book," she muttered. "I thought you only took the pictures."

I shook my head. "I never took anything." My voice was soft, muted. Would she be angry? "I took the photos out of the book, the CD out of the player, the tickets off your desk…but they never left your room. I hid them under your floorboards."

She stared at me for a moment, her expression unreadable. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking, but she dropped her gaze from mine, down to the book. I watched her face carefully as she turned to the first page. It was a picture of me, the first one she had taken with her new camera. Her brows twitched as she gently ran her fingers over the glossy photo.

"When _did_ you take them?" she asked.

"After we couldn't find Laurent. The whole family went to give Charlie our condolences"—she flipped to the next page, the next picture; Charlie and I watching ESPN—"but I came back…" I let my voice trail off. She didn't need to hear of the pitiful night that I spent in her room. But she wasn't listening, anyway—she was looking at her father's profile in the picture.

Again, she caressed the photo, this time whispering Charlie's name. I watched her carefully, hating that her thoughts were blocked from me. When she lifted her eyes, they were filled with pain.

"You know," she whispered, her voice choked and a small, unhappy smile on her lips. "I'd forgotten what he looked like." She pressed her lips together as her brow puckered.

She was trying to hold back tears that would never fall.

"Bella," I whispered. I pulled the book out of her hands and her onto my lap. She curled up against my chest, pressing her face into my neck. Would the pain never end? Just when I think we could move on, that we could write the past down as nothing more than a memory, something like this would happen.

Why were the odds always stacked against us?

We sat there for a while. I held her while she sobbed, knowing she wasn't mourning just one parent. If she hadn't been able to remember Charlie, she wouldn't remember Renee. And that was possibly even more painful because she had no picture of her mother in the scrapbook, thus no means to recall her. I had a perfect recollection of her; I would be able to tell her exactly what her mother had looked like during the brief time I had met her. But it wouldn't be the same.

Esme ducked her head in, concerned.

_Is she all right_?

I nodded my head at the scrapbook beside me. Esme knew what it was, what it contained and what it didn't. Her face mirrored the sympathy in her thoughts, and she withdrew.

I started humming her lullaby, hoping it would have the same calming effects it used to. I was rewarded with a sigh and she shifted on my lap, twisting around so she could wrap her arms around my waist. A few minutes later she was breathing normally again. She sat back and pressed her forehead to mine, looking me deep in the eyes.

"Don't ever leave me," she whispered.

I closed my eyes against the pain—the pain of knowing I had caused her pain, the pain that her words inflicted. I moved my face so I could skim the tip of my nose against hers and opened my eyes.

"Forever," I vowed.

She raked her fingers through my hair, staring intently at me before gently pressing her lips to mine. When she pulled away, she picked up the scrapbook again and resumed looking through its pages. I watched her as she looked. I knew the order of the pictures, I knew who was doing what in each one. So I watched her instead, wondering if she could remember. She smiled at the ones her friends had taken in the cafeteria; a touch of nostalgia crept into her expression when she looked at the picture of her bedroom at Charlie's. She paused at one of the last ones, frowning.

It was the picture of the two of us that Charlie had taken, two days before I had left her. She had originally had it folded in half and stuck it under the silver clasp so that only I was visible. It wasn't my favourite picture—far from it—but I had smoothed it out and put it in properly. At the time, it was for no reason other than to serve as just another brutal reminder of what I had done. I had captioned it the same way she had captioned the rest: _Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen, Charlie's lounge room, Sept. 14th._

"I still don't like that photo," was all she said.

I laughed. I could afford to acknowledge the humour of it now that I had her in my arms.

"I don't like it either," I admitted. "I prefer the next the one." I turned the page. I didn't know when but at some point Esme had taken it upon herself to add another picture. The caption read: _Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen, Prom Night, May 2005_. Bella and I were both looking at the camera. I had my arms around her waist and was leaning down slightly, pressing my forehead to hers as we both smiled into the camera. She looked glorious in the blue dress; her hair a tumble of curls down her back and her cheeks a delicious shade of pink.

It was by far my favourite. When I first realised Esme had put it in; I had wanted to tear it out. It was a reminder of the life I had lived but had never deserved. To see my angel so beautifully happy was to bring back every time she had told me she loved me, that she wanted to be with me forever, that no place was right for her unless I was with her. They were memories I didn't particularly want to face because they were true—her words had been true. And yet I never did. Well…it's not that I just didn't—more that I couldn't. And now, watching the radiant smile slowly spread across her face, I was immensely grateful that I hadn't.

"I still can't believe you took me to prom," she laughed quietly.

I chuckled and leaned in to press my lips against the smooth column of her throat. "You enjoyed it," I breathed.

"Mmmmmm…" She tilted her head away from me, exposing more of her neck. I readily yielded to the silent demand, leaving a trail of kisses over the lustrous skin as I pushed back her hair. I smiled as her breathing hitched and she sat up straighter in my lap. I put a hand on her ribs, just above her stomach, to keep her still while I kissed her. But she pulled away, twisting against my hand as she turned to face me again. Her eyes were molten gold when she looked at me, taking my face between her hands. It was a heady brew, feeling the strength of her hands on my face, feeling the strength of her body under my hands and I found that, while she looked at me like that, I couldn't find the part of me that mourned the loss of her mortality.

She kissed me softly, moving her lips deliciously slow against mine. The feeling coursing through me was at complete odds with the hunger burning in the pit of my stomach. I wanted so much more than just a beautifully chaste kiss and yet at the same time…I could sit here for the rest of eternity having her kiss me like this.

She pulled away again, tracing her fingers over my bottom lip as she chuckled.

"I used to faint when you would kiss me like that." Her eyes were still smouldering as she looked at me. "Imagine what my reaction would have been if you had ever kissed me like you did in the river."

I smirked at her, pulling her back to me. "I was being exceptionally unobservant," I said, feigning guilty innocence. "How did I kiss you in the river?"

She laughed and put a finger against my lips. "Before I remind you, O Unobservant One, I want to know…" She closed the scrapbook and pulled it back onto her lap from where it had slipped onto the sofa. "You have my scrapbook." She looked at me, her eyes hopeful. "Do you still have my CD?"

I didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, I took the scrapbook from her and flipped it over. I lifted the back cover and reached into the negative pocket attached to it, pulling out the silver CD in its clear jewel case. Her smile was one of pure happiness as she slowly took it from me. Then she bounded over to my stereo and knelt in front of it. She was still for a moment as she looked at it, trying to figure out how to turn it on. I would've turned it on for her but the remote was sitting on top of it and a second later—with a quiet "Ah!"—she figured it out anyway. She slid the CD in and waited for it to load, fiddling with the volume.

When her lullaby started playing, she sighed and sat on the floor in front of the stereo. She reached out to turn it up some more and then she was still. Watching her just sitting there with her eyes closed had my fingers itching to play the piano, to give some form of substance to my…infinite extent of indescribable feelings.

I smiled. It was the first time in years that I was consciously aware of my desire to play the piano. A wave of tranquillity washed over me and I got up off the sofa to join her on the floor. I pulled her into my arms as I lay down.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her as she pressed her nose against my neck and inhaled deeply.

"That I'm glad you kept my stuff." She took another deep breath. "And that you smell different. You still smell really good, just…different. Why do you smell different?"

I chuckled. "Because you're not the baby seal anymore," I teased. She made an amused sound and looked up at me from underneath her lashes, causing the steady burn running through my body to flare. I stroked her hair and pressed my lips to her forehead. "We all smelt pretty much the same to you as a human," I said quietly. "Now you'll be able to detect the differences in the scents of other vampires—our essence, as it were. It's basically just a faint shadow of what we smelt like when we were human." I pressed my face into her hair. "You still smell like freesia," I muttered. "That's how I found you at the bookshop"—I pulled back to look down at her—"Miss Masen."

Her eyes were wide before she hid them in my shirt. "Mmm…" she muttered. "I wonder…If you smell this good now, when it's only a shadow, then perhaps it's possible you might have just been _my_ brand of heroin when you were human."

I smiled. "Are you trying to distract me?" I whispered in her ear.

"Maybe," she muttered, still hiding in my shirt. Then abruptly she sighed and sat up. "What kind of promise was that to make, Edward?" she demanded. I blinked, confused. "'_It will be as if I'd never existed_'?" She shook her head as the shame lanced through me again. "Silly vampire. Only _you_"—she prodded me in the chest with a ghost of a smile on her face—"would think of such a stupid and impossible promise to make! And it was broken the moment you made it! Stealing my pictures and reclaiming your gifts—even though now I suppose you didn't really—would not put things back to the way they were before I met you." She shook her head again. "The physical evidence was nothing in comparison, Edward. _I_ was changed. I wasn't the same girl that had walked off a plane six months earlier; I wasn't the same girl that had been asking about you in the school cafeteria. You could leave, you could hide my things, but you couldn't erase the difference you had made in my life."

She sat on her heels as she took my face between her hands again. "I don't say this to make you feel guilty, Edward," she whispered. "I love you. And I don't want you wallowing"—she grimaced—"over something that happened in the past. I have forgiven you and you have promised never to leave me. I only tell you all this so _you_ don't have doubts. You always want to know what's going through my head, so I'm telling you and I'm not editing it. We won't be able to move past this if I don't tell it as it is. I need you to understand. I need you to accept that I'm not human anymore. Please—be selfish, Edward."

I stared at her…then grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto my lap again, crushing her against my chest as she wrapped her arms around my neck. Be selfish—already done. I've already gone a step beyond accepting her damnation—I've embraced it. That's not to say that I no longer mourned the loss of her humanity. There will always be that part of me that will always hate that such a godly creature was damned to such an existence. But that part would not rule me. I needed her—no, I _wanted _her too much to let it.

"Consider it accepted," was all I muttered into her shoulder.

She pressed her lips to my neck, sending an unexpected shiver down my spine as she raked her fingers through my hair from the nape of my neck. I could hear the smile in her voice as she muttered, "Good."

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, her lullaby playing gently in the background, she said quietly, "It hurt to think about you." I kept my face in her shoulder, breathing her in, while her fingers twirled in my hair. It had hurt to think about her, too. So much I had begun to wonder if vampires _could_ die of a broken heart. "Directly at least," she continued. "But as the years passed, it got easier. Eventually I could think your name without it hurting so much. I took your name for a few reasons, one of the obvious ones being that I couldn't keep my own. But mostly…" She paused and I waited. "Mostly, it was just because it was your name. I mean, being a Cullen is well and all, but being a Masen…" Her shoulders twitched in a tiny shrug and her arms tightened around me. "It was just a way of being close to you when you weren't here."

I moved so I could press my forehead to hers. I never would be able to accurately express to her just how incredible she was, no matter how many years I lived, no matter how many terms of endearment I heard. She had been through so much more than I had, and she had done better than survive. She had set up a life for herself while I had curled in on myself like the miserable creature I was, shunning my family and hating myself.

I didn't deserve any of them, that was painfully obvious. Particularly not my family—who had risked their own lives to save mine only to have me repay their efforts by acting as a zombie rather than a vampire—and definitely not Bella.

But I would make it up to them somehow…even if it were my final act.

_That sounds like an excellent idea, Edward, thankyou,_ Alice called. _And it won't be your final act—we all love you too much. But you need to wrap it up—Bella needs to get to work. Her day's going to be hectic enough_.

I sighed to stop myself from groaning. Bella had told us on the tour that she had a job as an editor for one of the major publishers in Chicago, but I didn't want to acknowledge that she'd have to leave me for nine hours. I didn't want to acknowledge that she'd have to leave, period. Yet, I don't think her plea for my selfishness was intended to inhibit her life.

"I wish I could tell you what you mean to me, Bella."

Her smile was timid. "So you're not mad?"

It was questions like that that made me so damn curious to know what goes through that beautiful head. How could I possibly be mad at her for taking my name? I shook my head and I could feel the unbelieving smile on my face. "You are absurd, Isabella. Of course I'm not mad." I chuckled at her sheepish grin and took her face in my hands.

"I love you."

Her smile was radiant, even as her eyes turned to molten gold again, feeding the fire in the pit of my stomach. Her voice was a seductive purr as she lent forward and whispered, "Is this the part where I remind you of the river kiss?"

"No!" Alice called from down stairs.

Bella frowned at me. "And why not?"

I smiled, only lifting one corner of my mouth. "Apparently you're going to have a busy day. You need to make up for lost time over the last two days, and it's going to be 'hectic enough'."

"Thanks for the heads up," she muttered dryly as Alice came bounding in. "Want to tell me why it's going to be so hectic?" she asked as Alice grabbed her hand to pull her up.

"Sorry Bella, I don't know the reason. I just see a lot of distressed employees."

Bella huffed. "Great." She bent over the stereo and ejected the disc. "Relaxation music," she said in response to my raised eyebrow. "Apparently I'm going to need it."

I chuckled as I jumped up and followed them out.

"Well, you know—you don't _have_ to work," Alice supplied. "The stock market is pretty good right now. I can get Jasper to buy you some shares and I'll look after them for you."

Bella laughed. "Thanks, Alice, but I do actually enjoy my work."

"What she's trying to tell you, is that she's already bought you some," I told her as we entered the foyer.

"Alice," she sighed.

"Look at it this way, Bella—if I get you shares now, the sooner you can retire and stay with Edward." Alice smiled and reached up to hug her. "Don't take too long to say goodbye—you really do need to be there early if you want to get everything done today. We'll be by later to say hi."

She prodded my arm as she turned to go back inside. _I'm serious—not too long_.

I nodded as she disappeared. Birds were heralding the rising sun despite that it was hidden behind a thick layer of storm clouds. The air was heavy with the scent of rain and electricity charged the air.

I scooped Bella into my arms, crushing her tight to my chest.

"I must admit, I do like the sound of Alice's idea," I muttered, inhaling her scent.

She laughed. "Don't tempt me." She kissed me quickly, before pulling away with a laugh. "Something to look forward to," she explained, tapping my lips.

I caught her wrist and pulled her back in for one last kiss, cupping her neck with my palm.

"Edward!"

I growled as I reluctantly pulled away.

"I'm going, Alice!" Bella laughed. She kissed my cheek, avoiding temptation. "Level 14," she said, squeezing my hand. Then with one last smile, she turned and ran into the trees.

I contemplated following her, but Alice was in my head.

_She needs to get ready for work, Edward. She's behind enough as it is and you don't have the control you used to where she's concerned_.

Well, I couldn't argue with that. I turned back to the house where Alice met me at the door, smiling.

_I've missed you, Edward. It's good to have you back_.

I smiled and pulled her into a hug. "Thankyou."

Her hug was fierce for a minute then she let go. _Go see Esme. I need to find something for Bella to personalise her office a bit. Shoo!_

Laughing, I did as I was told, bounding up the stairs. I found Esme in one of the numerous empty rooms on the third floor, her thoughts busy trying to figure out what to do with it.

"What do you think, Edward?" she asked as I approached the door. She showed me a visualisation of the room furnished, modest but beautiful, as a den. _For Bella_.

I smiled, coming into the room and hugging her. "I think it's brilliant, Esme. But she's going to tell you you don't have to do it."

"A mother does not need her child's permission to dote upon them," she said lightly, swatting my arm as we pulled apart. Then she took my face between her hands and studied me. I couldn't keep the crooked smile from my face and her own was lit by a beautiful smile. "There's my son," she whispered, and pulled me back in for another hug, her thoughts consumed with happiness and telling me not to even open my mouth to an apology.

"Okay Mom," I muttered.

She laughed. "Good. Now…Do you think a den is a good idea? Or do you think perhaps she'd prefer a library, like Jasper's," she mused. "She needs a desk, being an editor…" She turned to look at the one of the walls. I smiled. She wanted to knock out the wall to combine the two rooms and make one half a casual study and the other half a den. She turned to look at me. "Well?"

"Perfect."

She clasped her hands together, smiling. "Be a dear, would you, and run down stairs to get my tools? I need to start taking measurements."

I laughed, bending to kiss her cheek before going to do as she asked.

xoXox

Hectic was too mild a word, I thought as we rode up the elevator in silence. Alice and I stood in the back right corner while the humans tried to inconspicuously edge away from us in the limited space. Almost everyone's thoughts were in chaos, due to an unexpected CEO visit. And of course, everything that could go wrong _was_ going wrong. I stared at the floor numbers above the doors as they lit up, focusing on tuning out all the frantic voices.

With a soft chime, the elevator bounced slightly on its taunt wires as we reached our destination. The doors opened as a female recording announced, "Level 14."

As we stepped off, Alice hummed in appreciation.

_Nice_, she thought to me. _Here I was thinking it would be some dreary old office set-up. But I like this._

I smiled at her. We were in the lobby reception area. It was large and open, with a wide curving staircase with steel handrails, and cream tiles. We made our way to the reception desk where a young woman was sifting frantically through a stack of thick envelopes.

_It has to be here!_ Her thoughts were as frantic as her actions. _Well, it doesn't have to be _here_. Maybe I've already put it on Miss Masen's desk. That could be it. I'd have to go check though. Gah!_ she complained, abandoning the stack. _Why today, of all days, do I have to screw up?_ The poor girl looked like she was about to burst into tears.

She caught sight of us, doing the customary double take, just as the phone started ringing. She glanced at it, terrified.

_Can't answer it,_ she thought._ Can't answer it until I find the manuscript._ Instead, she turned back to us, forcing a smile to her face.

"Hi, can I help you?" _Don't stare; don't stare,_ she chanted to herself.

Alice and I smiled, careful not to flash our teeth too widely.

"We've come to see Isabella Masen," I supplied.

_Wow. Of course. They're here to see Miss Masen. They're gorgeous, just like Miss Masen. I wonder if they're related? I didn't think Miss Masen had any siblings_. "She's actually in a meeting at the moment. Did you have an appointment?"

"No," Alice admitted. "But she told us she'd have some free time around now and that we could just wait for her in her office." I suppressed a smile. Of course, Bella had never said such a thing. Bella had no idea we were here.

"Oh." She frowned as she considered it. _Miss Masen never lets visitors wait in her office. Then again, I don't think she's ever _had _visitors._ She glanced up at me and I smiled. Her heartbeat went wild and she looked down at the desk in front of her, trying to reassemble her thoughts. Alice frowned at me.

_You can check to see if you out it on her desk while you're there_, the girl told herself as she gathered some other papers off the desk. Taking extra care, she stepped around the desk, glancing at us. "Um…If you'd…just like to come with me."

We followed her through a set of doors off to the left. I tried to block her thoughts and focus my attention on the décor, but some leaked through. _Stop kidding yourself, Lanna…Relax…He's not paying attention to you…Just focus on finding the manuscript or you'll get Miss Masen into trouble and you'll probably loose your job. God, with the CEO here and everything_!

_Poor girl_, Alice thought. _Listen to her heart—I think she's going to have a panic attack._

She opened the glass door to one of the larger offices lined along the wall and held it open for us. Her heartbeat stuttered slightly as we passed and for a moment there was no thought in her head at all. Then her brain kicked back into gear and her thoughts were far too chaotic to make any sort of sense of them if I wanted to try. She almost ran to the desk and began leafing through the documents in the in-tray. I glanced at Alice who had perched herself in one of the two chairs facing the desk.

_Hectic_, she thought with a smile. _I hope she doesn't over-work herself, though. She seems like a nice girl._

I nodded subtly as I seated myself. She was genuinely concerned about the fall-out her mistake could cause, particularly for Bella.

_It's not here_, she thought frantically. She turned to stare at the filing cabinets lined along the wall. _Perhaps she's already filed it? No, of course not. It only arrived on Friday afternoon and she wasn't in for the past two days, so she hasn't had time. But she was here early…and if that's the case, she may have logged it in the computer already._ She turned back to the desk and stared at the computer screen. _I'm not even going to touch that_. _Okay. Sort out her memos, then go back and double-check all the paperwork out the front…Might help if I could actually remember it. Maybe Christian will know something…_

She fiddled around on the desk and asked, "Would you like anything? To—to drink, I mean…or eat?"

"No, thankyou," Alice said with a smile. "Is everything all right? You seem a little flustered."

The girl gave a shaky laugh. "Yes, yes, of course." _No! I've lost an eight hundred page manuscript! How does anyone loose an eight hundred page manuscript! And it has an eleven o'clock deadline tomorrow!_ She smiled bravely at us. "Everything's just a bit…hectic today. We weren't expecting the CEO to visit. Um…If you're sure you're fine, I need to be getting back…" _Need to check I haven't given it to the wrong editor. Oh God! What if I have?_

Her panicked thoughts accompanied her back down the hall.

_What was she looking for?_ Alice asked, jumping up and moving to the filing cabinets.

"She thinks she's misplaced a manuscript. It's got an eleven o'clock deadline tomorrow and there could be trouble for Bella if it's not ready. She doesn't remember seeing it though."

_Well that's helpful_. She was finished looking through the cabinets by the time I finished. She stood with her tiny hands on her hips and looked around. Her voice was tinged with pride when it reached me. _She _has_ done well for herself, hasn't she?_

I smiled as I looked around. Bella was on her way to the top, that much was obvious. Her modernised office was a far leap above the bull pit office cubicles back down the hall. On a shelving unit against the wall was an array of awards, numerous books and an Honours Degree in English Literature in a simple silver frame. Her desk was neat and dominated by the new model touch screen computer.

_It's missing something, though_.

I raised an eyebrow at her tone.

"Alice, you can't redecorate her office."

"I wasn't thinking of redecorating," she muttered, wounded. "I _like_ her office. No, I was just thinking of adding something…like a picture. I told you it needed to be personalised."

"What picture?" I asked, frowning at her.

She was purposely keeping me out of her head as she reached into her bag, but she smiled as she thought, _She liked the one of you two before Prom so I just took another from the ones Esme took and framed it. But you can't see it until she does_.

"Why?"

"Because I said so, Grumpy."

I laughed as the young secretary's voice came floating up the hall, far ahead of her.

"…Christian said he took the mail delivery on Friday and he doesn't remember signing for it so I'm inclined to think that we never received it. I've checked with Xander and Tristan and neither of them had the manuscript in their in-trays. But of course, that's not to say that we didn't…"

She doesn't look mad. That's a good thing right? How does she manage to be so calm and collected on a day like today?

Alice stared at me as I stood up and started pacing. I could see Bella through the medium of the girl's thoughts and no, she did not look angry. She looked absolutely gorgeous. I suddenly found myself extremely…uncomfortable. Or perhaps a little too comfortable? Either way, my pacing was an attempted method of distraction. It was failing miserably, of course. I settled for placing myself behind Alice's chair, hoping that her presence in front of me would help me maintain some small measure of control.

I couldn't understand my own reaction, not completely. I mean, I had seen her barely four hours ago—hardly a vast amount of time even by human standards. Was it ridiculous that I should be so eager to see her again so soon?

She glanced at us as she came in, flashing us a quick smile before hurrying at a human pace to sit at her computer, the young secretary following behind her. The vision flashed in my head at the same time it did in Alice's. I had Bella pinned against her desk, kissing her with all the hunger that had been gnawing away at me since our first day in the meadow. Alice's hand slipped under mine before I clenched it down on the fragile metal frame of the chair. I clutched at it like a lifeline.

It appalled and excited me that I had so little self-control. After exercising such strict self-discipline for over a century and a half, you would think I would have plenty to spare. My reaction to her in the river was to be expected, given my attraction to her and that I had already let myself loose. But to react the same way in a civilised setting was something else entirely.

The electricity was racing through me, setting fire to all my nerve endings as she looked up from the computer screen. I smiled, watching her eyes turn to molten gold. Alice squeezed my hand painfully and cleared her throat as she fidgeted in her seat. Bella looked at her then dropped her eyes back to the computer screen, taking a deep, unnecessary breath.

"Check that cabinet there, for me Lanna," she told the girl softly. "If I've filed it, it'll be in there. I'll just be a couple of minutes," she added to us, not meeting my eyes.

I smiled, feeling very much like a lion that had just cornered its meal.

She kept her eyes trained on the screen in front of her while the girl—Lanna—rifled through the cabinet contents. After a minute she turned around.

"Is it in there?" As if she didn't know.

Lanna stood, shaking her head. _Oh God, have I really lost it?_ Her heartbeat picked up and she said shakily, "No."

"That's okay. I don't have it entered either, so we mustn't have received it yet." Her voice was kind as she spoke, turning back to her desk. "What line is she on?" she asked as she picked up the black handset.

"Er…line three." _She's going to get into so much trouble. We should have it, but we don't_…

"Why don't you take a break, Lanna?" she suggested kindly, holding the phone against her shoulder. "Go get some fresh air and something to eat. Christian can watch the phones for you." Her voice was low and persuasive, and Lanna's thoughts became muddled.

_Gee, I wonder who she learnt that from?_ Alice's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

I smiled as the poor girl nodded and left, pulling the door closed behind her.

"You really shouldn't do that to people," I said softly, turning her own words against her. "It's hardly fair."

She looked up at me, her eyes still smouldering. "I learnt from a master," she said just as quietly, without looking away.

Alice jumped up. "You, mister, are supposed to be behaving. You, missy, have a call to take. Maybe you should go outside and get some fresh air, too," she added, poking me in the chest.

I smiled, never taking me eyes off Bella as I moved around to sit back down. "No, thanks. I'll just sit quietly."

And I did. I watched as Bella took her call, calmly dealing with the angered woman on the other end of the phone, arranging an appointment for later that evening to sort things out—all the while deliberately avoiding my gaze.

When she hung up the phone, Alice pounced on her, thrusting a gift-wrapped rectangle into her hands.

"Don't argue!" Alice said before she could say a word, holding up a finger. "It's a 'Welcome Home' present. Just a little something to personalise your office a bit, is all." She perched herself on the edge of Bella's desk. "So-o," she sang. "Open it already!"

Sighing, and with a resigned smile, Bella tore the paper off in one smooth movement. Her face broke out into a real smile and she ran her fingers over the smooth glass as Alice finally let me see which picture she had chosen. It was one of the more formal ones; Bella standing in front of me as we stood at an angle to the camera. The frame was elegant in its simpleness, fitting the style of the office perfectly.

Still smiling, she set it on the corner of her desk, then stood up to embrace Alice, kissing the top of her spiky hair.

"Thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome. Now." She jumped up and spun around, glaring at me. "If I leave you alone for three minutes, do you promise to behave yourself?"

I smiled at her. "Don't I always?"

She wasn't fooled.

"_Three minutes_, Edward. And don't disturb her appearance—the CEO wants to see her." She turned to kiss Bella's cheek. "Congratulations, and I promise I won't alter your wardrobe until you get home. _Behave_," she hissed at me as she left, tweaking the curtains closed as she went.

"My wardrobe?" Bella asked as she came around to the front of the desk. "I didn't know she'd have access to it."

"I don't know," I replied, standing up. "She's not letting me see much at the moment…You look beautiful."

She ducked her head reflexively but her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, so it did nothing more than brush her cheek. She shrugged. "It's just everyday office wear," she muttered, smoothing out the high-waisted pinstriped skirt.

I smiled, stepping closer and letting my hand follow hers down her body. "You still look beautiful," I whispered, leaning into her. She took a deep breath as I wound my arm around her and pulled her body to mine, pressing my lips to the exposed skin of her neck. She clutched at my arms and I pressed her back against her desk. My lips found the hollow of her throat. I traced the shape of if with my tongue and her breathing became ragged. Intoxicated by the taste of her, I closed my lips on her skin and sucked gently. It was something I had never dared to do to her before and I was rewarded with that soft mewling noise she had made in the river. Feeling a growl growing in my chest, I lifted my mouth to kiss her, just as Alice's voice went off in my head.

_KNOCK, KNOCK, EDWARD!_

Snarling, I quickly sat back down as the knock sounded on the door, pressing my finger tips together in front of my face, trying to get myself back under control. Bella straightened herself on the edge of her desk, calling out to whoever was on the other side of the door.

The door opened and a male voice said politely, "Excuse me, Miss Masen, but they would like to see you upstairs."

"Oh, okay. Thankyou Christian."

I stared at her as she moved around behind her desk, gathering things together. She dug through her handbag and pulled out some keys. With a smile, she took one off the ring, saying, "I guess I know where Alice gets access to my wardrobe." She came back around to the front of the desk holding a black compendium to her chest and a key out to me. "Go to my house and get my CD's," she said as I stood and took it. "Have them arranged by the time I get home, yeah?" She stood on her toes to kiss me, then turned to leave. She paused at the door, turning back to me. "Could you _try_ to keep Alice out of my wardrobe?" she asked.

I laughed, stopping when she raised an eyebrow at me.

Oh. She was serious.

I shrugged as I shook my head, having no doubt that I'd fail. "I'll try."

She smiled, understanding the expression on my face. "That's all I'm asking."

I followed her out of her office, noticing the number of male heads that turned as she passed. It was to be expected, of course, but it still annoyed me. I purposely blocked their thoughts, focusing on the taste of Bella's skin to the seclusion of all else. It was very effective.

Alice was waiting for me in one of the chairs that sat in a circle beside the staircase. She smiled and winked at Bella, who muttered, "_You_ behave."

She laughed. "Don't I always?"

Laughing, Bella shook her head as she started up the staircase. I watched her until Alice yanked on my arm and practically dragged me to the elevators.

_You'll have all the time in the world to watch her walk up and down the stairs at home. We have a job to do_.

"She said to stay out of her wardrobe," I told her dutifully.

"No she didn't," she countered as we took the lift down to the underground car park. "She just asked you to try to keep me out of it. Relax! I've already said I'm not going to alter it without her being there."

"Don't you like her clothes?" I asked teasingly as we got off.

"I never said I didn't like them. She did look very cute today, all dressed up."

"_Cute_ is not the word I would use," I muttered as we approached my car.

Alice laughed.

_Edward Cullen_.

Reflex reaction. I looked up at the sound of my name being thought. I frowned as I closed my door, looking out the windshield. There was a group of businessmen walking towards the elevator, but otherwise the car park was empty.

"Edward?" I looked at Alice. "What is it?"

"I just heard my name," I told her as I looked back out the window.

She frowned. "Anyone you recognise?"

I shook my head slowly, opening my mind, trying to hear the voice again. A cacophony of voices bombarded me but I couldn't pick out the voice that had said my name. After a few minutes, I gave up, pushing the voices back into a meaningless drabble in the back of my mind.

I handed Alice Bella's key.

"So where am I going?"


	8. Part VIII

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any copyright to these fantabulous books because I am not Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

**I**

**_AM_**

**_SO_**

**_SORRY!_**

**_Really guys, I had no intention of taking so long to update! I got sent down to Sydney because I got promoted and I had to go for a week and a half and I was only given two days notice. So I didn't have time to write a quick post to say why I was disappearing off the face of the earth and taking my updates with me. Since I don't currently have a laptop, I also had no means of accessing the net while I was down there. I'm sorry! But I'm back now, so it's all good, yeah?_**

**_BTW, while I was gone, this story was nominated (thankyou to anyone who nominated!) for Best WIP at the Twilight Awards website. Um...WOW...I am so stoked! I would love it if you guys could show a little extra love for the story by voting for it when voting starts on Monday at twilightawards(dot)this-paradise(dot)com. :)_**

**_Again, I'm so sorry for the wait! Thankyou for being so patient!_**

**_xoxox_**

**

* * *

**

Part VIII – Fair turn-about, mate for mate…

_Sighing, and with a resigned smile, Bella tore the paper off in one smooth movement. Her face broke out into a real smile and she ran her fingers over the smooth glass as Alice finally let me see which picture she had chosen. It was one of the more formal ones; Bella standing in front of me as we stood at an angle to the camera…Still smiling, she set it on the corner of her desk…_

Edward Cullen.

_Reflex reaction. I looked up at the sound of my name being thought…opening my mind, trying to hear the voice again. A cacophony of voices bombarded me but I couldn't pick out the voice that had said my name._

**EPOV**

Esme had enlisted Emmett's help to demolish the wall standing between the two rooms she wanted to redecorate for Bella. The sounds of Emmett happily complying were a background track to Alice's mutterings as she rearranged my closet in an attempt to make room for Bella's things. There was an occasional gagging sound followed by an "Oh my god, Edward" when she found something she didn't like, throwing the garment out into an ever-growing pile. I was feeling far too…light-hearted…to do anything but laugh, letting her throw out anything she pleased. Even so, as the pile grew, I was beginning to wonder if I would have _any_ clothes left by the time she finished.

When she was particularly offended by any piece of clothing, she came marching out with one hand on her hip, the other holding the culprit up for my inspection. Laughing, I would have to remind her that _she_ was the one to buy most of my wardrobe—majority of what she no longer liked had been of her choosing. She'd tell me off for letting her buy it for me in the first place, toss it onto the pile and then disappear again.

I'd shake my head and turn back to the CDs, smiling. No point in trying to explain just how impossible it was to stop her when she wanted to buy something.

Bella had told the truth when she had said her CD collection could almost rival mine. _Almost_ being the defining word. I had nineteen boxes sitting on the floor of my room; all of them packed with as many CDs as I could fit into them. I sat in front of my stereo system, sorting through them all, putting in CDs that were either new and looked interesting, or old but a favourite as I came across them.

It was comforting to know that we still shared the same taste in music—which was still very broad.

I had a box to my left for the CDs I already had and was sorting the others as I went on my right. The pile on my right was much bigger. Where I hadn't collected any CDs over the last eight decades, she had.

I was almost finished with the twelfth box when Alice sang out from somewhere in my wardrobe.

"Carlisle's home!"

I heard the Jaguar coming up the drive. Carlisle still didn't know about Bella. Esme had called him earlier to tell him I was okay and that she was going to redecorate two of the upstairs rooms, but she didn't tell him anything more—she wanted me to tell him the good news. Although, he'll know something is different as soon as he hears the music and all the banging Emmett was doing. It had been decades since our house had seemed so lively.

"All finished," Alice muttered as she came out. "Don't touch anything of Bella's on the left—that's the stuff I want to throw. _This_—" she gave a theatrical groan as she picked up the mound of clothes—"is going _now_. Hi, Carlisle."

"What are you doing with Edward's clothes?" he asked, coming down the hall.

"I'm throwing them out. Look at this!" She picked out a shirt and shook it at him. "What is this? It's from the fifties—the _nineteen_ fifties!"

"Didn't you buy him that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Over a century ago!"

"It's vintage," I supplied.

She turned to look at me in horror before disappearing down the hall, muttering. "_Vintage_. You've got to be kidding me. The boy's got no idea."

I laughed.

_You're laughing_.

I smiled as Carlisle came in.

"I'd forgotten how good it feels," I admitted, turning down the stereo.

He smiled as he sat down. _What happened_?

He'd already figured out what had caused my…very drastic change of demeanour. He had caught her scent downstairs and apparently there was a look on my face that only Bella could put there. So I sat next to him and repeated the events as they had happened here and at her office.

"And now Esme is working on creating a room just for Bella. Emmett's bringing down the wall to extend it while she picks out some fabrics and colours." I smiled shaking my head. "She kicked me out, telling me to clean my room."

He laughed as we both surveyed the room. The empty boxes I had thrown haphazardly into a corner and the CDs in their jewel cases extended a few messy feet in diameter from my stereo.

_Glad to see you're doing the opposite of what you're told_, he thought, chuckling.

I laughed. "I am doing what I was told. Bella said to have her CDs arranged by the time she gets home."

"Where are you going to put them all?" he asked as he stood, inspecting the boxes I still had to sort through.

"Any of the ones I already have I'm putting aside for her to decide what she wants to do with them. The rest…" I waved a hand at the shelves waiting to be mounted to the wall.

He picked one up and tore off the plastic wrapping. I got up to help him and we worked in silence for a moment.

_So_, he thought. _Bella's home, but you're still upset about something._ We put the last plank in place and he turned to me. _What is it_?

I sighed. Only Carlisle would pick up on something like this. Not even Alice had been sure enough to say anything. I handed him a pile of the earliest CDs, which he took and began to add to my collection. I started with the latest of the ones I had already sorted while I thought about my answer.

He was onto his second pile by the time I asked, "Is it…wrong…of me to—to be so insanely happy that she's a vampire?"

He smiled in understanding. _Is it wrong of me to be so happy that Esme is a vampire? Particularly when she is so by my own doing, rather than that of someone else?_ I acknowledged that with a raised eyebrow and a slight nod, knowing he still experienced conflict over his choices. _You also have to think, Edward—this is what she wanted, in the beginning. The last conversation I had with her, she was very seriously considering asking me to change her because you wouldn't. She had wanted this life to be with you and now she has that. If she is happy about it, why shouldn't you be?_ He bent to pick up some more CDs._ I know you never wanted this for her, but she _does_ have it now and if she is still the young woman she used to be, she won't appreciate it if you allow your memories of her human years rule your relationship. _

_Having said that, Edward, I understand where your doubts are coming from. I know that you think she's lost her soul and that makes it so much harder for you to accept, particularly because you knew her so intimately as a human. I know we've agreed to disagree about this in the past, but…_ He shrugged. _No, Edward—I don't think it's wrong of you to be so happy. Regardless of what you believe, you need to get past what she _once_ was and embrace what she now _is_._

I smiled ruefully. "Bella told me the same thing," I muttered.

Carlisle smiled. "Bella always has been a smart girl."

I wouldn't argue that. And I wasn't so sure about my stance on souls anymore. Surely you couldn't experience pain of the magnitude I had if you truly were soulless? And surely God wouldn't be so cruel to defile such a creature as Bella in such a way?

_What else?_ he asked after a moment.

I sighed as I sat down and admitted, "She's forgiven me."

He raised an eyebrow even as he frowned. "Would that not be cause for celebration?" he asked gently. His confusion mirrored my own.

"Yes…perhaps…if I understood _why_." I shook my head. "It doesn't make sense for her to forgive me." I snorted. "It doesn't make sense for _any_ of you to forgive me. I mean…I nearly killed all of you, in one way or another."

Carlisle paused for a moment. Then he sighed and put the last of his pile on an empty shelf. He sat down next to me against the shelves.

_Edward…Bella loves you. Even a blind fool could see that._

"But that's not good enough," I argued. "I broke her, Carlisle. I tore her apart and left her to bleed in the forest. And she forgives me so easily for something so horrid? Not even love can excuse what I did to her."

"Apparently, it can," he countered. "From what you've told me, she understands _why_ you left, even if she doesn't agree with it…"

"Exactly!" I pounced. "If she doesn't agree then how can she honestly say she forgives me?"

_All right_, he conceded, nodding. _It is a lot to forgive so quickly. But she obviously wants to and is making the effort to do so. It may take some time before she does completely forgive you but I don't think you should challenge her about it—her love for you is true and she clearly wants to leave the past in the past._ He paused._ Perhaps you should take the hint and try to do the same,_ he suggested.

I frowned at him.

"Your guilt is not going to make it any easier for either of you, Edward. Make peace with yourself before you actively seek her total forgiveness. In fact, don't ask any one for forgiveness until you've forgiven yourself."

"Forgiving myself and forgiving someone else are two different things, Carlisle."

_Are they?_

"Yes. I don't deserve…"

"Don't you think," he interrupted quietly, "that the ones you believe you have hurt should be the ones to decide whether or not you deserve their forgiveness? Don't you understand how completely pointless it is to ask us for our forgiveness when you know that you're just going to dismiss it because _you_ don't believe you deserve it? Yes, you can hear your family's thoughts, but you can't _feel_ our emotions, Edward. As a result you dismiss what you hear if you don't agree with it."

"But…"

"There are no 'buts', Edward!" He was frowning at me. Angrily. I felt a stab of shame that I was upsetting him so much. His mind was as carefully guarded as ever, and of course I didn't pry into that, but I could feel his disapproval as much as I could see it. "This is not your decision to make. If you believe so strongly that you have hurt us so badly, then is not the next most logical step to allow _us_ to decide whether or not your actions are worthy of forgiveness?"

I knew he could hear the shame in my voice as I responded with a quiet "Yes."

"Then don't argue our decision, Edward, because we _have_ decided to forgive you."

There was a chorus of agreement from all over the house. I couldn't stop the smile on my face, even if it was rueful. The sincerity in their thoughts was unquestionable.

It didn't make sense to me, their willingness to forgive. I knew that if situations had been reversed and it had been any of the others in my place, I would have forgiven them without question because they are my family. I had no doubt about that. And yet…for some reason, I couldn't seem to comprehend why they were forgiving me. On a level I knew Carlisle was right, that family didn't hold things like this against each other. But the things I had done…I was convinced they were beyond the realm of forgiveness…

But Carlisle was right. It really wasn't my place to make the decision. Yes, I knew how bad I felt and how badly my decisions affected my family, but I couldn't tell what my family thought unless they let me in. And as much as I may have been offended when Carlisle had said it, I knew Carlisle was right when he said I dismiss what I didn't agree with—which was everything in this particular case.

I frowned as I considered it. I always used to be so certain about things; always knew the best way to react in a situation. But once Bella entered my life I began to make mistake after mistake.

"Carlisle…" I shook my head, feeling helpless. "I don't know what to do."

Carlisle smiled. "Be Edward." I raised an eyebrow at him and his smile grew. "A little clichéd, I'll grant you, but that's all you need to do. I know Emmett wants his 'little brother' back to race against and hunt with. Rosalie thinks the Audi needs a little bit of fine-tuning but she can't do it without some 'original background music'. Jasper needs a quiet intellectual conversation every once in a while. Alice…well, Alice." Her tinkering laugh floated up the stairs from her room. "Esme and I would just like to see you laugh again."

I smiled. "I think I can do that," I muttered.

He nudged my shoulder. "Good. Now." He stood and picked up his CDs again. "How many more boxes do you have to sort out?"

"Seven, I believe."

"Lovely."

xoXox

I was playing the piano for Esme as she sat and read. Carlisle sat beside her, reading the newest edition of the Journal of the American Medical Association. Bella had called barely fifteen minutes ago. Apparently someone had called for her during her meeting—well, not for her as in who she is now, rather her as in who she had been. The caller had asked her secretary for an Isabella Swan.

X

"Isabella Swan is still missing but assumed dead, Edward. She has been for the last eighty years." Her voice was strained and confused, the storm thundering in the background. "And when Lanna told the caller there was no one by that name, they asked for an Isabella Cullen."

I frowned. "No one would use those names. No one would _know_ those names."

"That's what I thought, but obviously someone does. Lanna says she couldn't distinguish gender. The line was distorted or something. She didn't give my name but Christian did. Whoever it was called back while Lanna was at lunch and Christian told them there was no Swan or Cullen but there was a Masen. He didn't get a name or a gender either."

X

I frowned again as I continued to play. The only people who would know those names would either be too old to remember them or dead. Any of Bella's old acquaintances would be at least a century old—completely possible, I guess, with today's new medical technology. It could be possible that someone had seen her and was just checking to make sure that it really was her rather than their old eyes playing tricks.

Possibly.

It was the same with whoever had thought my name down in the car park. Any human from my past who had perhaps seen me would most likely put it down to delusions or bad eyesight. Any one else would have approached me. There was no reason for any of my vampire acquaintances to avoid me.

But I knew whoever had thought my name was not familiar to me. I didn't recognise the voice, but I did know it was feminine. That was all I could glean from the mere moments it had taken to think my name.

After hanging up, I had discussed it with Carlisle. He had agreed it was…bizarre, for lack of a better word, that someone would call for Isabella Swan when her disappearance had made the national news eighty years ago—the daughter of an up-standing, small town Police Chief disappearing without a trace. Although, as Esme had pointed out, perhaps asking for Isabella Swan was not so bizarre for that very reason. Her face had been all over the news. For me, it had been another form of torture I had willing forced upon myself, sitting in front of the television, watching the searches, seeing her picture. But perhaps for others it became a point of reference. Seeing her face on the news and then seeing it again in person eighty years later would be enough to make anyone question it. If it was one of her old acquaintances, one of her old friends, wouldn't they want to know who this woman was that looked so frighteningly identical to the friend they had lost all those years ago?

Having said that, what was truly bizarre was that someone associated our name with hers. Her old acquaintances would remember, surely, that we had left, only returning _after_ her disappearance. They would remember the effect our leaving—or, more accurately, _my_ leaving—had had on her. Surely an old acquaintance would think that even if she were alive, she would not take the name of one that had hurt her so badly?

So why ask for an Isabella Cullen?

The shrill ringing of the phone was accompanied by Alice's frantic shout, both in my head and aloud.

"_Edward_!"

The vision flooded my mind. The young secretary from Bella's office, Lanna—she was collapsed against the wall beneath the window in Bella's office, covered in blood, her throat half torn out. Bella, crouching in front of the girl, her eyes black and wild with thirst…

I shot up from the piano, sprinting to the phone.

"Bella?" I asked frantically. There was no response on the other end, but I could hear Lanna's moaning gurgles as she slowly bled to death, and the sound of heavy breathing.

"Bella!"

"Help." Her voice was so faint I could barely hear it over the sound of Alice filling in Carlisle and Esme behind me. "Edward…please…Blood. There's so much blood."

"Stop breathing," I instructed her. "Stop breathing and get out." I heard her mutter _blood_ again and I swore. She wasn't listening to me…or rather she wasn't hearing me. I was about to throw down the phone and start running when Alice shouted at me again.

"_No_! Keep talking to her. She needs to hear your voice. Don't worry about the words, just talk to her or she'll lose it." She reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone as I complied. Then she was thrusting my phone into my hand. "Get her to pick up her phone and go."

"Bella. Bella, pick up your phone," I said. I could hear it ringing. "Bella, please. Pick up your phone."

"She's got it," Alice said as the ringing was cut off. "Go!"

I bolted out the doors, not even noticing that I tore them off their hinges as I went, my phone pressed tight to my ear. "Bella. Bella, love, you need to leave the room. Carlisle and I are on our way. You just…"

"I can't," she moaned. "The blood…I want…"

"No, Bella!" I was running through the streets now, the darkness aiding my passage as I ran. I was still half a city away from her, but I would be damned if I let her destroy everything she had built for herself. "You don't want it. Bella, get out of the room!"

"I…can't…" I could hear the pain the thirst was causing her. "Edward…" The snarl in her voice made me panic.

"Bella, just hang on," I begged as I climbed to the rooftops and began leaping between them. "Please. I'm almost there."

_Edward_! Alice's voice sounded in my head again. She was in the car with Carlisle, barely five minutes behind me. _Edward_! _She's gone_!

There was a loud thud in my ear as she dropped her phone. Snarling, I threw my phone aside as I jumped off the roof of the building across the street from her office.

**BPOV**

I went for a walk to get some fresh air while I called Edward. I had been shocked when I came back from my meeting and Lanna had told me that someone had called looking for Isabella Swan. It wasn't a name I had heard in decades and I certainly hadn't thought about it—I had been a Masen for too long. And Isabella Cullen…who would make that connection?

I shook my head as I returned through the deserted lobby on the ground floor. It was well after five o'clock, the building was empty but for a few stragglers, the cleaners, Lanna and myself.

My appointment was for seven and it was only half past six but I wanted to make sure that I was fully prepared to deal with my frustrated client. Mrs Sovent had been far from happy about having to come down to my office, insisting that she had posted the manuscript well ahead of its deadline. Why she would post it, I'll never know. Her own office was barely a five-minute walk away—I had strolled past it while I was on the phone to Edward. It would have taken a maximum of fifteen minutes for one of her secretaries to run the manuscript over to us. On top of that, the courier service was undergoing serious redevelopment at the moment and could hardly find its own location let alone any others in the city. And what business in its right mind would use the public service to deliver something so critically important to that business?

I sighed, pressing the elevator button. Lanna had insisted on remaining tonight. She was convinced that the problem was all of her own doing. I was inclined to think that the woman hadn't even posted it yet. But nothing I said changed her mind. She insisted on staying so that someone would be around to provide coffee and snacks, if nothing else.

The elevator music was a quiet piano number. Beautiful and tranquil, but it had nothing on Edward's pieces. My mind wandered, naturally, to Edward's presence in my office earlier.

I had known he and Alice were going to come by, but I think I expected them to at least call first. Why I had expected that, I don't know. But some warning would have been nice. To walk in and see Edward standing behind Alice…to see the look in his eyes when I walked in…my body trembled in anticipation, even now, just remembering it. I had seen Alice's hand slip under his in an action too fast for human eyes and I knew his hand would have crushed the furniture if she hadn't. I had felt his eyes burning into me as I took careful, calculated steps around my desk to seat myself. It had taken every ounce of determination I had not to look at him, not to go to him. And I only made it harder for myself when I did glance up at him. His eyes were always molten gold; a slight smirk on his face as watched me.

I had been bare seconds away from throwing myself over my desk the desire to touch him had been so great. Thank the heavens that Alice had been there, reminding me of our audience. I tried to stay focused on the task I had to do, doing my best to ignore him. But I slipped occasionally. I would glance at him, seeing that confident, predatory smirk on his face and the electricity would charge through me, shortening my breath, making my limbs protest with every action they made because they weren't actions that involved touching him.

Every action he had made, I had been aware of—every little shift of weight, imperceptible to human eyes and probably even to Alice. And I knew he had been just as aware of me.

Then he had been kissing me. Alice had said we would have three-minutes. I snorted. That had _not_ been three-minutes. It had barely even been one-minute.

I smiled, resting my head back against the elevator wall, remembering his hands gliding down my waist, his mouth on my neck. Heat coursed through my body. I wanted this day to be over. I wanted to get back to him, to lock myself in a room with him.

Better yet, I thought suddenly. I wanted to witness something he had once told me I never could.

I wanted to watch him hunt.

My body tingled at the thought and I felt my smile widen. To watch him relinquish that careful control he always maintained, to watch him be natural and predatory. To watch the movements of his body as he hunted, when he was at his most dangerous.

The elevator recording announced I had arrived at my destination. I sighed as I stood straight. At least that one-minute had been a good one.

With a musical bell, the elevator doors opened.

I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

My throat burst into flames the moment the doors slid open; a snarl tore out of my chest; and my body tensed, succumbing to the predator within.

Blood.

Fresh. Human. Blood.

I froze, the elevator doors closing quietly behind me. This level was empty but for the erratic pounding of a terrified heart, coming from somewhere down the hall.

I moved slowly. There was no need to rush. The prey was incapacitated already—its frantic, stationary heartbeat assured me of that—so it wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. Of course, that took away from the essence of the hunt, but the taste would make up for it. Particularly if it tasted anywhere near as good as it smelt. I let the scent guide me until I stood outside my office door. The curtains were closed and the door was closed.

But I knew what was in there, waiting for me.

The demon inside me was snarling in anticipation as I pushed open the door. The hot scent of fresh blood hit me like a cannon ball, tearing another hungry snarl from my chest. I stared down at the broken human collapsed under my window, blood staining its clothing, pooling around it. My tongue wet my lips, flicking out to taste the heady scent on the air. My stomach twisted with something akin to hunger, my mouth hot and parched.

Its moaning gargle was incomprehensible to human hears, but I heard it as though it was shouting.

"Miss…Masen…"

Lanna. Her name was Lanna. She had an older brother who was graduating from Harvard this year with an Honours Degree in Law, a younger sister that was just beginning her Harvard education. She had only been married to her husband for the last three months—she had only just come back to work from her honeymoon. And even though she didn't know it yet, she was four weeks pregnant.

I clung to that like a lifeline. The demon howled and raged, the thirst burning far more intently as I refused it. She was pregnant. She was brining new life into this world. She was pregnant. She was a person; with a life and with a family she loved. And she was pregnant.

I forced myself to keep as far from her as possible as I made my way to my desk. I couldn't drag my eyes away from her, from her blood even as I reached for the phone. I couldn't do this myself. I wouldn't be able to walk away from her. With each passing moment I could feel my resistance flailing. I wanted her blood and if I couldn't get help, she wouldn't be bringing any babies into this world.

"Bella?" His voice was frantic when answered before the first ring. I didn't even remember dialling. But he already knew. The moment he spoke I felt a wave of calm wash over me. The only problem was, it didn't last. The thirst was too great, the need too strong. "Bella!"

I needed to say something. "Help." It was all I could think of. The pain the thirst was causing was tearing through me. I wanted it. I wanted it so much. "Edward…please…Blood. There's so much blood."

"Stop breathing," he said. I knew he kept speaking and I tried to concentrate on what he was saying to me, tried to listen to his voice if not his words, but the thirst was winning, the demon pushing for the taste to run over my tongue. How badly I wanted to comply. Just one little lick, was all the demon wanted. Just a little, just enough to sample that vibrant, rich…"Blood."

Something was vibrating in my coat pocket, a trilling noise ringing out clear through the air.

"Bella! Bella, pick up your phone. Bella, please. Pick up your phone."

His voice was distant, but I latched onto it, just like I was latched onto the knowledge that the dying woman staring up at me in terror was pregnant, that her life was only just beginning. I still couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I was watching the path of her blood as it dribbled down her skin, staring hungrily at the gaping wound on her neck. The right side of her neck was untouched, clear smooth skin—just ripe for the picking.

I shoved my hand roughly into my pocket, my finger automatically skimming across the receive button as I brought the phone up to my ear. His voice sounded out again, clear and strong, my only anchor in a tormented sea of black desire.

"Bella. Bella, love, you need to leave the room. Carlisle and I are on our way. You just…"

What was he saying? Leave the room? "I can't," I moaned. "The blood…I want…"

"No, Bella! You don't want it. Bella, get out of the room!"

"I…can't…" I really couldn't. I no longer had the initiative to do something so trivial as turning my back. Instead, I knew I was moving closer to her, step by tiny step. She was staring up at me in absolute horror. She was beginning to understand through the haze of her own pain that I was not going to help. She knew I was going to kill her, to finish off what someone else had started. Her fear spiked with her realisation, even as her heartbeat began to slow. The pain flared, so intensely crippling it almost had me on my knees. "Edward…"

I wasn't even aware of the phone slipping from my fingers.

The scent…It was too good. Just too good. It was food. That was all. Nothing more, nothing less.

The demon roared in triumph.

"Shh," I crooned, moving to kneel in front of it. "Shh-sh-sh-sh. It's okay. Shhh."

The scent of its blood was scorching me with every panting breath I took. I ran my tongue over my teeth, exposed by an anticipating smile, feeling the venom gathering, ready to drop when I sank in my teeth. It was whimpering weakly as I reached out, cupping its neck with my hand, turning its head to expose the unblemished skin on the side. I hissed in delight at the feeling of its warm blood on my fingers, running between them and over the back of my hand. Its heart was trying to beat erratically. It would be dead soon, its heart working on overdrive.

I growled as I bent closer, inhaling the scent of its blood and its mounting fear. I bared my teeth, feeling the cooling heat radiating from its skin, its whimpers growing.

The window shattered, spraying glass all over us, cutting its skin and bouncing off mine. I snarled as I rose, Edward colliding with me as he came through the window, throwing us both back, forcing me away from the bleeding human. In one smooth movement, he had me pinned against the wall, using his whole body as a restraint.

"Let me go," I snarled, throwing myself forward, my eyes trained on the human.

He forced me back into the wall.

"No. You know you don't want that, Bella."

I laughed and it ended in a painful groan. I did want it. It was all I wanted. I strained against him, but he was still stronger than I was.

"No, Bella." His words were whispered into my ear, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin.

I pulled myself against him this time, seeking to hang on to my anchor. But the scent was so strong, so close. I slid my hand up his shoulder until I could see it. It was still red with fresh blood and close enough to lick.

I tried to be subtle, whimpering at the very real pain, clutching myself closer to him, manoeuvring myself closer to my hand. But my hungry snarl gave me away.

He twisted with that damned unnatural speed of his and grabbed my wrist before I could taste anything.

I snarled, shoving against him with renewed force, determined to have what I wanted. He snarled back at me, determined to prevent me from having it. We struggled, snarling and swearing until I managed to duck under his arm and darted for the human. But he still had hold of my wrist. He pulled me back with a sharp yank and my back collided loudly with his chest.

I screeched and wailed as he pulled me away, fastening a marble arm around my waist, lifting my feet off the floor, and taking away my only leverage. I squirmed and kicked, my eyes locked furiously on the blood that was being left to waste. He swung me around, turning me away from my source of agony, carrying me out of the room. I squirmed until I could get my feet back on the ground and by the time I did, we were in the hallway, where the scent wasn't quiet so strong.

I spun instantly, and he took a step back to brace himself, his arms forming a steel cage around me I wouldn't be able to break free of. But I wasn't planning on using force. I knew I was no match for him. I had to try something else to get what I wanted.

I knew he was as tempted by the scent of fresh blood as I was— his onyx eyes were testament to that. He just had a century more of experience at handling his bloodlust. But the demon in me knew it was just as painful for him and it was determined to exploit that.

"Let me back," I whispered.

His face was strained. "No."

The pain made me sob. "Please."

"No."

I pressed myself closer to him and his arms tightened reflexively. My clean hand wound around his neck and he bent down so we could press our faces into each other necks.

"Please," I begged softly once more, placing my mouth at his ear, just like he had done to me moments ago. My voice was low, seductive.

He pulled back slightly, suspicion in his eyes. "No, Bella. You called because you wanted help. You wanted to do the right thing. And draining _Lanna_ of life if not the right thing to do."

I didn't hear the way he stressed the human's name. I stretched up on my toes, my body flush with his and traced my nose along his jaw. His scent combined with the scent of blood was…arousing. I growled softly in my throat, the sound coming out more like a purr than anything else. I slid the tip of my tongue along his jaw and I wasn't sure what I wanted to taste more—Edward or the blood.

Could I have both?

"Bella," he growled and there was a dangerous edge to his voice.

I nipped at his ear and purred, "We could share it."

He hissed, low in my ear, and I found myself pinned against a wall again. I didn't mind so much this time. His eyes were narrow as he glared at me but I could see the excitement in them. And that excited me. I lifted my bloodied hand. His hand was an iron fetter around my wrist but he didn't stop me from bringing it between us. The blood was cool—not quite as appetising as hot, pulsing blood fresh from the vein—but it was still wet and therefore still tempting.

I watched him close his eyes and inhale deeply, the tip of his nose scant millimetres from the blood. He growled softly and pushed himself tighter against me. And for a moment, I actually thought he would give in.

But I should have known better.

He pinned my bloodied hand to the wall above my head, out of Temptation's way.

"No, Bella."

I howled my fury, trying to beat him off, but in my attempts to seduce him I had only achieved in allowing myself to be effectively pinned against the wall, wedged solidly between it and Edward's unrelenting body. My furious ministrations made him rock but he refused to give me any ground, to let me escape his snare.

Eventually, I accepted that I wasn't going to get away from him. I resorted to throwing my head back against the wall and sobbing, the pain so intensely unbearable. My legs folded in on themselves and his arms suddenly went from restraining to supporting. I buried my face in his shirt, trying to swamp my senses with him to override the all-consuming desire for blood.

"Get me out," I begged quietly.

I had the vague notion of movement, of being carried. But I felt suffocated. All I could smell was the blood. It swirled around my head, dulling my senses to everything else, a terrible companion to the roaring in my ears—the fury of the demon being denied the very thing it was meant for.

The fresh air hit me like a tidal wave. I gulped it in as quickly as I could, through my mouth and through my nose. It helped to dispel the sense of loss, helped to clear my head…and helped to make me completely aware of every little thought that had crossed my mind since stepping off the elevator.

Horror burned through me.

Sirens were screaming loudly a few streets away. That was when I realised Edward was running with me away from the building. I didn't know what he was thinking. I had no doubt where those sirens were heading, just as I knew that there was plentiful evidence to support that I was supposed to be there at the building. We would have been caught on the surveillance cameras in the hallway. My car was still in the car park, my handbag lying on the ground where I had dropped it. All tiny factors that would arouse a great many questions about my involvement.

But I didn't question him. Thirst was still burning my throat ruthlessly. I kept my face buried in his shoulder, ignoring everything around me, focusing only on the scent I was inhaling from his shirt. Edward was talking to me quietly as he ran, gently encouraging and praising my resistance against the demon I was.

Tires screeched beside us and I was a little surprised to see my car waiting impatiently for us to get in—until I saw Alice behind the wheel. Edward pulled the door open and bundled me in, sliding in deftly beside me. I had a sneaking suspicion Alice had been breaking laws and fabricating evidence again.

The tires screeched again as she pulled away from the curb. She put the windows down and I would have stuck my head out the window like a dog if I could bear to pull away from Edward for long enough. I was still covered in _Lanna's_ blood.

I cringed as I thought the name. It shamed me to know that I had considered the young woman nothing more than a meal quickly going cold. It absolutely appalled me that I had considered taking her life and the life of her unborn child without so much as a twinge of regret. And not only had I thought about taking her life, but I had also tried to seduce Edward into doing it with me.

In that moment, I truly hated myself.

Edward's phone vibrated in his pocket. He frowned as he pulled it out and opened it. His eyes narrowed and he actually moved the phone closer to his face as if he couldn't see the message properly.

"What is it?" I asked, his behaviour bringing me out of my reverie. I was shocked by the growl rumbling in his chest as he turned the phone around so I could see it.

The picture was tiny but I could see every little detail. I could see the picture Alice had given me earlier sitting on the window ledge next to the wall in my office. I could see the love-heart that had been drawn in blood around our faces in the picture, a smear of blood covering mine. And I could see the words written in blood on the wall beside the window—_I've found you_.

I stared up at Edward, completely shocked. "What is this?"

He was still frowning at the phone, his onyx eyes furious, but I could tell he was thinking, and thinking hard. He didn't answer me and suddenly his eyes snapped shut, a feral growl ripping out of his chest.

"Edward!"

His eyes were burning with emotion when he opened them again. Defiance and possessiveness were fighting for dominance. He pulled me close as he looked back at the picture on his phone.

"Mate for mate," he said, his voice low and dangerously soft. Alice's head whipped around to stare at him. I frowned, confused. I had the vague recollection of a memory, of hearing those words before, but I couldn't place it.

"Why does that sound familiar?" I asked him.

He growled again. "Because it was what Laurent said before he attacked you."

Oh. Well, that does explain it then, doesn't it?

But Laurent was dead. He couldn't have been the one…

_She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward—fair turn-about, mate for mate…_

Not Laurent.

_She_.

"Victoria," Edward snarled quietly.


	9. Part IX

**_Hey guys, quick post because I'm running late for Uni!_**

**_Again, I'm really sorry for making you all wait! But thankyou for all the awesome reviews and alerts and favourites in the meantime :)_**

**_Oh, and FYI--This story came second in Best Writing-In-Progress over at the Twilight Awards! ;) YAY! Thankyou to everyone who voted, you guys rock!_**

**_xoxoxo_**

* * *

**Part IX – You are the most dangerous creature I have ever met…**

_The vision flooded my mind. The young secretary from Bella's office, Lanna—she was collapsed against the wall beneath the window in Bella's office, covered in blood, her throat half torn out. Bella, crouching in front of the girl, her eyes black and wild with thirst…_

_"No, Bella!"_

_There was a loud thud in my ear as she dropped her phone. Snarling, I threw my phone aside as I jumped off the roof of the building across the street from her office._

**EPOV**

Bella's office was on the fourteenth floor, looking out over the road I was on. I pounced across the street, catching myself on the side of the building before scaling it as quickly as I could.

Lanna's weak, disjointed thoughts were getting weaker, despite that I was getting closer. Her mind was half-crazed with fear and there were no solidly coherent thoughts—all I could see were hazy images that kept jumping and changing so erratically that it was difficult to tell what they meant.

Except for one.

Bella; leaning forward, teeth bared.

I snarled again.

The curtains were closed in Bella's office, a muted light from a desk lamp shining around the edges. Snarling, I swung my feet up and through the window.

The scent of fresh blood hit me like a bullet and a thirsty snarl ripped from my chest.

In front of me, Bella was unfurling from her crouch, rising to her feet—as graceful and deadly as a lioness—her onyx eyes glaring, snarling back at me.

Instinct kicked in and I pounced at her, forcing her back until we slammed into the wall, where I held her body in place with my own. I closed my eyes as she snarled in my ear, trying to dispel the thirst burning at the back of my throat and the sudden hunger gnawing at the pit of my stomach.

She shoved against me.

"Let me go."

Let her go. Let her go back to the human and watch her feed…and let her hate herself afterward for doing it.

I pushed her back against the wall. "No. You know you don't want that, Bella."

She struggled against me, laughing. The laughter was full of pain and ended in a groan that reflected it. I almost stepped back and let her go—I didn't want her to be in pain. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that her emotional pain would be so much worse when the bloodlust cleared.

I pinned her against the wall and whispered into her ear, "No, Bella."

She surprised me by attaching herself to me, wrapping her arms around my back, pressing her nose into my shoulder. I had expected her to keep thrashing against me, to keep trying to get back to the girl—back to the blood. I pulled her closer, tightening my arms around her as much as I could, trying to give her some silent support. She whimpered, pressing her body closer still, fidgeting in my arms.

It took me a moment to realize why the scent of blood, already so strong and so heady in this tiny little room, was getting stronger. It wasn't until Bella let out a hungry snarl that I remembered the hand she had had on the girl's throat.

I twisted and snatched her hand away from my back, away from her. The action infuriated her and she exploded into the kind of frenzied aggression that could only be brought on by the scent of fresh blood, snarling and shoving, trying to break my hold on her.

And for a moment, she did.

She twisted under my arm and darted back toward the girl, snarling. The only grip I had on her was my hand on her bloodied wrist. I pulled her back, as she tried to escape, with enough force that her body collided loudly with mine. I slid an arm around her waist to pick her up, to restrain her.

She screeched like a banshee as I carried her out of the room, slithering like an eel in my arms. I tried to ignore her, to ignore the pain she was in. There was nothing I could do for her, short of letting her go.

And there was no way I was about to do that.

In the hallway, she managed to get her feet back on the ground. She turned and I braced myself for another round.

But she surprised me again, stepping close and tucking herself against my chest, looking up at me with wide, wild eyes.

"Let me back," she whispered.

The demon in me wanted to, to go back in with her, to feed with her and quench the thirst burning the back of my throat.

"No," I said, as much to my own demon as to hers.

"Please," she sobbed, closing her eyes against the pain.

"No."

She wrapped her arm around me, pulling herself closer, sliding her hand to the back of my neck, pulling me down. I pressed my face into her neck, silently urging her to fight her demon. My own resistance was failing with every passing moment, the thought of feeding with her growing more appetising by the second. The thirst always brought every instinct to the surface—not just the instincts of the predator, but the more basic, elemental instincts. And every little action she made was wearing against my basic, male instincts, making it so much harder to resist. It felt like I was hyper-aware of her arms around me, of her hand on the back of my neck, of her lips at my ear.

"_Please_." Her voice was low in my ear, seductive…and I drew back as I realised…

"No, Bella." I frowned at her. I felt oddly vulnerable, exposed. She knew what she was doing and she knew it was working. "You called because you wanted help. You wanted to do the right thing. And draining _Lanna_"—I stressed the name, hoping it might bring some element of her conscious self back—"of life if not the right thing to do."

She wasn't listening to me—it was obvious in the way she stretched her body against mine, inhaling along my jaw, purring in my ear. I closed my eyes, letting myself enjoy the sensation, rather than fighting it…until she slid her tongue along my jaw.

"Bella…" Her name came out in a low growl, my fingers flexing on her back. I felt her teeth graze my ear.

"We could share it."

Her voice was a soft, sensual purr in my ear, her body pressing hard against mine. Her scent was in my head, mingling with the scent of blood, creating a heady brew that was slowly, surely, driving me insane. The image was in my head before I could stop it—the human propped up between us—Bella in front of it, me behind it—as we fed on it.

I felt myself snarl hungrily as I swung her to the left, pinning her to the wall. Her eyes were bright with excitement—for what, the blood or me, I wasn't sure—and wild with thirst. I let her lift her bloodied hand, bringing it between us. Ignoring the part of me screaming at me not to do it, I ducked my head, closing my eyes as I inhaled, the scent burning my throat.

_We could share it_.

I growled, pushing my body closer to hers, feeling every curve of her delectable body. I didn't want the blood so much as I wanted her.

And I would be able to have her without adding a human death to our consciences.

I moved her hand, pinning it to the wall above her head.

"No, Bella."

She howled furiously, throwing her fist against my chest, trying to push me away. But I had her wedged firmly between my body and the wall, one of her hands trapped and useless.

Then quite suddenly, she gave up, throwing her head back and sobbing, her legs giving out beneath her. I caught her and held her tight to my chest, wishing there was something more that I could do that wouldn't result in her hating herself.

"Get me out," she whispered.

I scooped her up straight away, leaving through the fire escape, just as I saw Carlisle coming down the hall.

_Go. We have everything under control_.

I took the back door and ran in the opposite direction of the sirens. I didn't know what story Alice and Carlisle had concocted but I didn't have time to worry about it. My only concern was Bella. Her whimpers were quieter now, her face buried in my shoulder. I kept whispering to her as I ran, hoping that the sound of my voice might do something to help her.

I slowed down when I heard Alice behind us, barely even pausing as I pulled open the back door of Bella's little car. Alice was pulling away from the curb before I got the door closed.

Very subtle.

She put the windows down, letting the fresh air push out the overwhelming scent of blood. Bella coiled herself up beside me, keeping her nose against my neck, her hands fisted in my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, pressing my face against her hair.

I didn't know what to think.

What had happened? Surely Bella hadn't randomly attacked the girl? She'd just gone hunting yesterday—her thirst should've been sated enough for her to be able to be around humans—and she'd been fine earlier, when we had stopped by her office. She and the girl seemed to get along well enough. Perhaps the girl had given herself a paper cut. It wouldn't be the first time something so trivial had caused a vampire to go beyond reason—one particular occasion was permanently etched into my mind.

But even so, why would Bella practically rip the girl's throat out? Sure, fresh blood drives us into a crazed frenzy, but it's more of a frenzied need to feed, rather than anything else. What had been done to Lanna had just been downright sadistic—a cold, calculated form of torture.

Not Bella, then. Bella had never been one for violence. She was too sweet natured, too kind—she had never even been able to stand the sight of blood, let alone inflict torture on someone. And besides, she had already told me she'd never drunk from a human. There was no way she could have done something like this before and not have tasted human blood—particularly given her reaction to it all in the first place.

So if Bella didn't do it, who did?

A phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me out of my thoughts. I frowned as I reached for it. I had thrown my phone aside on the rooftop—I remember hearing it shatter. The phone I pulled out belonged to Alice. She must have slipped into my pocket when I was on the phone with Bella before leaving the house.

I slid it open and opened the message from Carlisle. There was nothing but a picture.

And that picture spoke a million words.

I moved the phone closer to my face, to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. Alice's gift to Bella earlier, the framed picture, had been moved and now sat on the window sill of the same window that I had swung though earlier. Only now, Bella and I were in the confines of a crude love-heart sketched out in blood. And beside where the framed picture sat, three words had been smeared on the wall in more blood—_I've found you_.

But none of that mattered.

The only thing that stood out to me was that Bella's face was obscured by a smear of blood.

I growled, the sound catching Bella's attention.

"What is it?" she asked softly, turning slightly to try and see the phone. I turned it around for her, watching her reaction as she absorbed the image. She frowned and glanced up at me. "What is this?"

What was it? Good question. Carlisle hadn't sent anything other than the picture, hadn't given me any extra information—just the picture.

It seemed like it was all aimed at Bella—the message on the wall, attacking her secretary in her office, smearing her face with blood. Someone was obviously trying to send a message. But who? Bella had little interaction with humans except for the ones she worked with, and what had gone on in that office was beyond the capacity of those humans. I hadn't heard anyone harbouring ill feelings toward her when I was there earlier, and…

I had heard my name.

And everything fell into place with that stray thought.

I snarled furiously, damning myself for being so blind. I had heard her voice down in the parking lot! How had I not realised who it was?

How long had she been watching Bella?

"Edward!"

None of it was for Bella. I glared at the tiny picture.

It was all for me.

"Mate for mate," I hissed, furiously.

Bella frowned. "Why does that sound familiar?"

I snarled. "Because it was what Laurent said before he attacked you." I snapped the phone shut, still cursing myself for not placing it earlier.

"Victoria," I hissed.

Mate for mate.

Rage flared through me, pure and strong, made all the more potent by the bloodthirsty demon raging just beneath the surface. I growled as I turned to look out the window, watching the buildings flash past as Alice drove us out of town, even as I tightened my arms around Bella.

Victoria was back and she was after _my_ Bella. I frowned, glaring out the window. She was out there now, in the city, watching, waiting to make her next move.

I was going to kill her.

The thought was sudden, but pleasant. Yet my rage wouldn't dissipate. I was beyond furious that she had gone out of her way to so extravagantly remind me of the debt she still claimed, over eighty years later. Although, I guess, in all fairness, eighty years wasn't that great of a time span for a vampire.

But I wasn't in the mood to be fair.

I didn't care that we had killed her mate—such was the way of life. He had picked a fight and he had lost. All I cared about was that she was trying to justify his mistake with Bella's life.

And that was what infuriated me the most.

Bella was still just an innocent bystander. She hadn't done anything except to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and she was still stuck in the middle. I growled. There had been no need to expose Bella like that. There was no need to involve Bella at all. The only reason Victoria was targeting her was because of me, because she was my mate—I didn't need to see Victoria's mind to know her thoughts on the matter. As far as she was concerned, I was the one who killed James; I'm the one responsible for everything that's happened. The message in Bella's office had been for me, to tell me that she had found us and she was intending on making me pay for her loss with a loss of my own.

I snarled again, quietly. Just let her try.

Still fuming, I pulled Bella out of the car as soon as Alice pulled up in front of the house. I led her around the side, still gripping her bloodied hand. Never letting go of her, I pulled the hose off the tap and set the tap running. Then I pulled her closer, positioning her within the circle of my arms, and put her hand under the water.

My anger flared at her pained whimpers as I gently rubbed at her hand, washing away the blood.

I was going to tear Victoria limb from limb and make it as painful as possible.

Just who did she think she was, exposing Bella like that? If her reaction was anything to go by, it was the first time Bella had been exposed to fresh blood.

Has Victoria been watching her long enough to know that?

My fury seethed and I had to make an extra effort to focus on what I was doing. Better yet, I was just going to forget all about Victoria for the time being and focus on Bella.

Bella's body tensed slightly as the stale scent of blood wafted up. It didn't have one tenth of the attraction of fresh blood, but it was still enough to stir the thirst.

I turned her hand to let the water flush out the blood trapped under her nails and she turned her head slightly to look at me. I took a few moments to make sure I got rid of all the blood before I looked at her. Our faces were so close our noses were almost touching. Her eyes were still black, still raging with thirst…but they were sad and soft, her disappointment so painfully obvious. Her mouth tightened and she turned away, reaching forward to push aside my hands so she could scrub at them herself.

I ignored my fury and took hold of her again, forcing her hands apart.

"They're clean, Bella."

She shook her head as I turned off the tap.

"Come on."

I pulled her up and started to lead her toward the trees surrounding the house.

"Where are we going?" she asked softly over the quiet rumble of the storm.

"Hunting."

xoXox

Watching Bella hunt, I decided, was something I would never grow tired of.

I took her south, out of the city limits, cutting through fields, leaping over freeways until we reached the woodlands close to the Illinois-Indiana state border. The storm had broken overhead by the time we got there—most of the game would be under cover, seeking refuge from the storm. But that didn't stop Bella from bringing down a white-tailed deer within minutes of entering the forest.

She slipped from my grasp, voicing a low, guttural snarl as she disappeared into the trees. I smiled, taking to the tree tops. It was easier to follow her like this, and to remain inconspicuous. I knew she knew where I was and what I was doing, but putting such distance between us while staying close to her let her know that I wasn't going to interfere with her kill.

I watched as she ran through the underbrush, not making a sound, until she zeroed in on the deer carefully treading its way home through the mess of mud and leaves scattered over the forest floor. I could feel my own anticipation growing, the venom pooling in my mouth. She stayed hidden in the bushes; downwind, stalking it like a tiger stalks its prey.

Then she snarled.

The deer bolted, its heartbeat going wild as Bella pounced, shooting out from the undergrowth. It screamed in terror as she landed on its back, pulling its head back by its antlers and sinking her teeth in with another vicious snarl. The deer kept running as she drank, trying to dislodge her, even as it began to loose its balance and stumble, its heartbeat already beginning to slow. Then it collapsed completely, its legs still kicking feebly until I heard its heart beat for the last time.

I sat, perched amongst the branches as I watched Bella drain the last of the blood from the body, my body trembling with my own anticipation to hunt, my throat burning. Bella rose gracefully when she was finished, daintily wiping her mouth with her fingers, looking around as the rain leaked through the leaves and dripped onto her. She paused underneath my tree and looked up at me.

"Are you just going to stay up there and make me eat by myself?" she asked quietly.

I smirked and swung down to the lower branches. Bracing my feet against the trunk and supporting my weight on my arms, I brought our faces almost close enough to kiss.

"I like watching you eat," I teased gently. It was true—I always had. When she had been human, it had been as much what she had been eating as how she had been eating it. But now the phrase was a bit of an understatement.

She smiled at me, brushing the tip of her nose against mine. "But I would like it if you were eating with me." She took my jaw in her hands and pressed her lips to mine. "Hunt with me, Edward."

I growled at that, and swung my feet down to the ground, using one arm to pull her close and swing her around to put her back against the trunk. I braced my other hand on a branch beside her head as I lent in to trace the column of her throat. "You've been driving me insane all day," I muttered against her skin. I trailed my nose down the line of her blouse, the rain on her skin delightfully enhancing her scent. I felt another growl rumble in my chest. "You smell so good in the rain."

"I believe I've heard that before," she muttered breathlessly.

Her chest heaved with deep breaths, her hand coming to rest against my jaw, as my nose reached the V of her blouse. I inhaled deeply, tracing the tip of my nose back up the line of her blouse and opened my eyes to watch a single droplet of water land on her collarbone. I watched as it left a watery trail over her pale skin, rolling down the slight curve of her breast before disappearing beneath the first button of her blouse.

I felt a ridiculous stab of resentment that I wasn't that water-droplet.

But she hadn't even felt the water-droplet.

I, on the other hand, was a different story.

I slowly slid my tongue down the same path as the droplet, from her collarbone, over the beautifully smooth skin of her breast, down to the button of her blouse.

And I was rewarded with that delightful mewling sound she had made in the river.

I was sorely tempted to tear the button off with my teeth, to rip the blouse off…so sorely tempted to do more than just kiss her, just as I had been all day.

But she was still thirsty—her quiet moan ended in a quiet snarl—and I was selfish enough to want her to be distracted by nothing but me for our first time…and every time after that, if I was to be honest.

So I kissed my way back up the same path and up her neck until I reached her lips. Cupping the back of her neck, much like the same way she still cupped my jaw, I kissed her, long and soft.

She hummed in appreciation when I withdrew, smiling. She pressed a firm kiss on my jaw.

"Hunt with me," she whispered, straight into my ear. She pushed on my chest, making me step back, then ducked under my arm. She tugged on my hand, turning me around. She walked backwards for a couple of steps, smiling. Then she turned and bounded off again, heading south.

I growled in anticipation as I went after her, releasing myself to my senses. The storm overhead was a vicious one, the rain pouring down in sheets, the wind ripping at the trees. It didn't leave for much to hunt, but we found the scent of another deer, a larger one, taking refuge from the storm under a thick brush.

Bella moved around to the east, circling around it, moving into the wind. The deer caught her scent and bolted, braying as it ran…straight toward me. My body was humming with excitement as I leapt out in front of it, snarling. Screaming, it skidded in the mud as it tried to turn, almost falling in its haste. I followed it, running parallel with it as Bella pounced, deliberately aiming to miss, causing its heart beat to stutter in fear as it frantically dodged her and ran through the trees.

We both followed it, weaving in and out, darting in close and darting out, snarling, toying with it.

And all the while, I was watching Bella. Watching the way she moved through the trees, unhindered and graceful, even in her restricting work outfit; the way her mouth curved up in a delighted smile every time the deer's heart beat jumped erratically; the way she snarled whenever the deer veered towards her.

She was magnificent.

The buck ran past a dead tree that I saw Bella leap over, dead branches sticking out, sharp and random. I could hear its skin tear as one of the branches tore through the felt on its chest. The scent of its blood went straight to my head and I launched myself at it, ploughing it into the ground. It screamed as I fell on it, snarling hungrily as I sank in my teeth. Bella took hold of its kicking rear legs and sank her teeth into the hidden artery.

Between the two of us, it only took a matter of moments to drain the deer. I lifted my head and watched Bella as she bent over the animal, making sure she got every last drop before lifting her own head with a satisfied sigh. She wiped at her mouth again with her fingers. I leant over to catch her wrist before she could wipe away the small smudge of blood on her lip, leaning over to lick it off myself.

"Mmmm," I muttered as I pulled away, but she pulled me back in for another kiss, refusing to let go of me.

When she did, I smiled at her.

"Enjoyed that, did you?" I asked quietly.

She laughed in her throat, a deep, sensual sound, and I kissed her again.

I sighed as I stood up, taking large lungful of air…and caught a scent I hadn't expected to catch so far east. I growled in delight as I sank back down into a crouch. Bella moved to stand next to me.

"What is it?" she asked.

I turned to nuzzle her neck for a moment.

"Mountain lion," I said softly. I looked out into the trees, delighted but confused. "What is she doing so far from home?" I wondered quietly. I looked back at Bella. "Shall we go find out?"

She smiled. "I think I'd like to watch you, this time around."

"Going to make eat by myself, are you?"

She pecked my cheek with a coy smile. "This time."

I snarled gently as I kissed her, getting a small chuckle in return before she turned and took to the trees like I had earlier.

I took off west, closer to the river flowing through this part of the forest. Even in this storm, the female was out and hunting. I watched her through the trees as she padded through the undergrowth. I could smell the deer she was tracking, a few hundred meters ahead of her. I watched her as she slouched to the ground, claws out, creeping along almost on her belly. I moved slightly to the right, keeping my eyes on her. But she must have felt my step through the earth.

Her head whipped around, her almond eyes staring straight at the bush I was hidden behind. Her ears twitched back and forth as she tried to hear me. I moved again, deliberately, and she hissed, turning away from her prey to watch my movement through the trees. She moved, circling in the opposite direction that I was, and hissed again.

I hissed back at her, stepping out from behind my bush, crouching down in front of her. She went completely still, staring at me, her teeth bared and a low growl rumbling continuously in her chest. I imitated her, crouched low, waiting for her to pounce.

She yowled when she did, the sound splitting through the air like thunder, high-pitched and dangerous. I snarled in return darting to the left, spinning as she came at me again, jaws wide and aiming for my throat. I took hold of her paw as she swiped at me, flipping her onto her back. She brought her hind legs up, using her claws to tear at me, her other front paw on my arm, trying to dig in her claws as she tried to throw me off. I closed her jaw with my hand, pushing it up and out of my way, baring her neck. I snarled at the taste of the blood sliding over my tongue and down my throat, easing the thirst so much better than the deer had. Her legs kept kicking at me, their strength fading as I took the blood until there was none left at all, and the body went limp.

I sat back with a satisfied sigh, licking my lips.

An unexpected delight. I hadn't thought I'd find a mountain lion in these regions.

I heard Bella drop down from the tree behind me, and she was next to me before I had a chance to turn around.

"I liked that," she said in my ear.

xoXox

We hunted for a little while longer, bringing down another four deers together, and Bella bringing down an extra one and a stray lynx on her own.

After the lynx, she sat on the ground and stared at the body. I had expected her to jump up again and start hunting the next of her prey.

I frowned as I went to her. I crouched down behind her, and put my arms around her waist.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned. "This is the part where I usually can't get up," she muttered.

The thunder crashed loudly overhead, followed by lightning that lit up the entire sky.

"What do you mean?" I asked, moving around in front of her, concerned.

She looked up at me and took a moment to examine my face. Then she smiled. It was a sad, forced smile and I wasn't fooled by it. She wasn't telling me something.

"Don't worry," she said, leaning forward and putting a quick peck on my lips. "I'm fine." I was still frowning when she pulled away, hating, as always, that her mind was blocked from me. "I'm fine," she insisted. Her eyes darted to the dead animal and her voice was barely legible over the storm when she muttered the same two words again. "I'm fine."

When her eyes darted back to the animal, my intuition flickered and I felt another surge of anger. I had known this was coming, but I had been hoping we would be back home by the time it did. At home, I'd have Alice and Carlisle and Esme to help me. But then again, maybe it was better if it was just me. Bella wasn't one for attention and maybe too many people trying to convince her of something so important wouldn't make a difference. But if it was just me…

I took her face between my hands.

"Bella," I whispered.

She closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

I smothered the anger her innocent words invoked. She had to understand that it wasn't her fault.

"For what, exactly?"

She scrunched her eyes closed, like she was trying to stop herself from seeing something.

"For earlier." She shook her head, water droplets flying from the tip of her ponytail. "For Lanna."

"Bella, that wasn't your fault. What happened to Lanna wasn't your fault."

She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her eyes were full of emotion, it was hard to tell what it was exactly she was feeling. I found myself wishing I had Jasper's ability to experience other people's feelings, if only for a moment—just to know what she was going through.

"I almost killed her, Edward."

"Almost," I agreed softly. "But that isn't your fault." I put my finger on her lips when she opened her mouth to argue. "You have nothing to be sorry for," I told her. "You didn't attack Lanna, you didn't hurt Lanna. You weren't the one that spilt the blood that would bring out your demon. It wasn't you."

She pulled away from my hands and stood up. "I wanted to kill her."

"No, you didn't. You wouldn't have called if you did." I stood up as well, watching her back as she walked away from me towards a tree. "Victoria set you up, Bella. She deliberately arranged things to bring out what you are because she knew it would hurt you." I snarled. "She wanted to hurt you."

I went to her and turned her around. She avoided my eyes and hid her face in my shirt again. "Bella, you told me you wanted me to embrace who you are now…what you've become." I ducked my head, putting my mouth closer to her ear. "And I have. Now it's your turn."

That made her look up at me. The sorrow I saw in her eyes tore at me.

"I have accepted…"

"Not everything. You need to accept that there will be times when you crave the blood of a human. You need to accept that, at times, you'll find yourself doing more than just admiring how good they smell—you'll start imagining how good they might taste. You'll find yourself determining the best ways to kill them—I've already told you how I passed the time during our first Biology class together." She hid her face again.

"It's fine to feel guilty, Bella, and quite frankly, it's unavoidable. Those of us who have embraced our lifestyle still retain our consciences and it's those consciences that make us feel the guilt. But those thoughts are unavoidable—it's part of our nature, part of what we are, and sometimes, with too much temptation, those thoughts may become reality.

"We may not like it," I conceded, "but that's just the way it is." I tightened my arms around her. "Think of it as a multiple personality disorder," I added with a smirk, remembering her frustrated question in the Forks High School parking lot.

She didn't say anything—just stood with her arms wrapped around my waist, her face buried in my shirt.

"Bella," I sighed. I tried to move back, to see her face, but her arms were stubborn marble around me and she wouldn't let me move. "Bella, love, it's not…"

"I tried to make you do it with me." Her voice was quiet again against the sounds of nature. I drew a deep breath, suddenly understanding what she was _really_ upset about. "I tried to take away from who you are."

"Bella…"

"You should be mad with me," she stated with sudden volume, pulling away. She shook her head. "Why aren't you mad?"

"How can I be?" I asked back. "How can I hold it against you, Bella, when I wanted it just as much as you did?" She blanched, and I instantly felt bad. She wouldn't want to know how close she had come to getting what she had wanted. But she needed to know. "The only thing that stopped me was this." I waved my hand at us. "Knowing that letting you have what you wanted would make you feel terrible once the bloodlust cleared, knowing that neither of us wanted an innocent on our conscience." I shook my head, suddenly feeling deflated. "Please, Bella." I held my hand out to her. "Please. I'm not angry with you, and I don't want to be angry with you. I don't blame you for what you are and I know that neither will anyone else. You didn't harm Lanna, and you didn't give into your thirst, despite how much you wanted to. Please."

She blinked at me, obviously thinking about what I had said. I knew my face was imploring—I didn't want her to dwell on this, anymore than she wanted me to dwell on the past. I could understand what she was going through, to a degree. I hated that I had ever considered killing her when I first caught her scent, but there had been nothing I could do about that. Her scent had appealed to everything I was, man and demon, and I hadn't been able to stop myself.

The difference was, she had been exposed to fresh blood and had still resisted. Obviously Lanna didn't hold quite the amount of attraction for her as she had for me, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stop her—she probably wouldn't have rung in the first place. But it still took a tremendous amount of effort not to fall onto exposed blood like that—while it was still hot and pumping straight from the vein.

She definitely had nothing to apologise for.

She reached out and took my hand, letting me pull her close. She buried her face in my shoulder as I sighed.

"Promise me you won't dwell on it, Bella," I whispered.

She shook her head, then reached up and pressed her lips to my neck.

"I'll try," she murmured.

Not quite what I wanted, but I knew it was the best she could do.

We stood in the rain for a few more minutes, just holding each other, before I asked, "Are you ready to go home? Or do you need to hunt some more?"

"I'm fine," she said again. She looked up at me. "Are you?" I nodded and she took a step back. "Can we clean up a bit before we go back?" She looked down at herself. She was still relatively clean, except for a few muddy smudges—she hadn't even gotten any of Lanna's blood on her, but I wouldn't be surprised if she felt like she was covered in it.

I nodded again and took her hand, walking with her through the forest until we reached a rocky outcrop over the river.

She smiled. "I can't believe you let it get away," she muttered, obviously thinking back to yesterday's hunting trip.

I laughed, not bothering to contradict her, tugging on her hand as I walked off the rocky ledge, pulling her down with me.

* * *

**PS: I am so jealous of you Americans right about now...I have to wait til the FOURTH before I can read Breaking Dawn...tear...so not happy! :(**


	10. Part X

**Here we go! This little chappie is a bit shorter than you've been getting use to, for editing reasons. But I hope you like it! I know I haven't gotten back to anyo of the reviews for the last chapter yet, but I promise I'll get back to you all before the week is out! Don't think I've neglected you and don't review!**

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**Part X – You've been holding out on me…**

_I inhaled deeply, tracing the tip of my nose back up the line of her blouse and opened my eyes to watch a single droplet of water land on her collarbone. I watched as it left a watery trail over her pale skin, rolling down the slight curve of her breast before disappearing beneath the first button of her blouse._

_I felt a ridiculous stab of resentment that I wasn't that water-droplet…_

**EPOV**

We made it back to her house just before dawn, after an hour or two of floating in the river, watching the storm passing slowly overhead, moving northwest. She had asked, as we ran back, if we could go to her place instead of mine. She didn't offer a reason, but she hadn't needed to. I knew our family would be supportive, but I understood her need to be somewhere familiar while she collected herself. Today was bound to be a long one once the sun had risen. Despite whatever story Alice and Carlisle had managed to produce, Bella was going to be dragged into the investigation that was going to ensue—there was no escaping it.

And I didn't like that. It meant that Bella was going to be thinking of what happened in her office—or more specifically, what had almost happened. And as I had truthfully told her back in the forest, I didn't want her dwelling on it. It was over and she had resisted the freshest, boldest type of temptation there was.

But there was nothing I could do for it—we would just have to deal with everything as it came. However, I could make sure that she didn't think about it until she had to.

So the horizon was turning golden-pink as we walked through the miniature rainforest that shielded the front of her house from the street. Watching her manoeuvre around the plants helped keep the delicious memories of watching her hunt fresh in my mind. I watched her climb the few steps to the front door in front of me, watching the movement of her legs as she walked. Barely thirty minutes ago, those legs had been wrapped around my waist while she rested on my chest in the river. Twenty-four hours before that, they had been around my waist as I pinned her against the window at home.

Now, I found myself extremely impatient to have them around my waist again…although this time, preferably without the clothing barriers.

She stopped a few steps ahead of me and I watched her knees bend slightly, watched her left heel rise off the step as she half turned to me.

I looked up at her and felt a smirk perk my lips as I took in the expression on her face.

She lifted an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth lifting only a little. Her golden eyes were smouldering as she looked at me. She knew I'd been watching her and she knew what I was thinking.

My smirk grew as I advanced on her. She turned to follow my movement, a small smile on her face. She stepped back as I stepped up to her, her molten eyes locked on mine, until she was pinned against her front door.

"I'm still waiting for you to remind me how I kissed you in the river the other day," I growled softly as I leant in to kiss her. She put her hands on my forearms to pull me closer, letting out a single, breathy chuckle before our lips met.

It was nothing like kissing her as a human. I knew I shouldn't make comparisons, that she didn't want me to make them…but this was the one comparison I couldn't not make.

There was no burning thirst in my throat to taunt me, no erratic heartbeat to sing to me, no body as fragile as a soap bubble under my hands…which all meant that there was no need for restraint. There was just the sweet taste of freesia as her tongue danced slowly, delicately, with mine; the feeling of her beautiful, substantial body with its modest curves under my hands, against my chest.

It was a comparison that came off so many thousand times better.

She stretched her body out along mine, much like she had before, with her arms snaking around my neck…but there was no other driving need behind the action this time. She wasn't trying to seduce me into giving her what she wanted; she wasn't trying to distract me—she just wanted to get closer.

I pulled her to me, holding her against me with as much strength as I could…and it still wasn't enough. I growled—the pain of the thirst had long since disappeared, but the pain of wanting her, of needing her, was almost too much to bear.

She laughed softly, pulling away.

"I always knew you were holding out on me."

I smiled and leaned in for another kiss, my head full of all the other things I'd been 'holding out' on her with. "And that's only the kissing," I teased.

Her eyes lit up as she caught her breath. Her fingers caressed my chin as she gently pushed me back. "Edward Anthony," she said softly.

I smiled at her use of my middle name and pressed my body closer to hers, taking care not to press her against the door too hard—I didn't want to damage the fragile wood. Her eyes took on a glazed look that told me all too well what I was doing to her.

"Yes?"

Her index finger kept tracing along my chin as she watched my mouth.

"You're doing it again." Her voice was a breathless murmur.

I smirked, closing my eyes for a moment, skimming my nose over her temple and inhaling. "Doing what?" I tried asking innocently. My smile widened when her eyes snapped up to mine, to glare playfully at me.

"You know perfectly well what you're doing," she informed me.

"Sorry," I teased again, leaning in close enough to kiss her. "I didn't mean to dazzle you."

The corner of her mouth lifted in a crooked smirk, her eyes on my mouth as she leant forward. "No, you never did."

Our lips met, so soft, so gentle, that they were barely touching—just a tender, loving caress. Somehow, and for some reason, I restrained myself from kissing her properly, keeping the contact limited to barely any contact at all. Our lips hovered so close together, and yet so far away as we teased each other. She chuckled as her tongue tasted my upper lip.

I growled. "The sun'll be up soon," I muttered.

She hummed, licking my bottom lip before pulling away. With a coy smile on her face, she turned to open the door. She kept hold of my hand, pulling me inside, smiling at me the entire time.

It was a good thing that I had already been to her house, that I had already had time to explore the little marking stones that told the story of a period of her life that I hadn't been around to witness—the collection of books, ranging from the classics of Austen and Shakespeare to the fantasy writing of Robin Hobb and Sarah Zettle, to the modern works of new-budding authors; the large, leather-bound photo album that held a range of graduation papers from places like Gresham High School in Wisconsin and Tolland High School in Connecticut, and degrees from the Minnesota School of Business, the University of Phoenix and—something that I found that made me extremely proud—another Honours Degree in English Literature from Dartmouth.

It was a very good thing, because now it meant I had nothing to distract me while I explored something else much more to my liking.

She pulled me along, guiding me to her bedroom—a large circular room where a third of the wall was a row of glass doors. She held onto me until we reached her bed, where she let go of me and spun to sit on the edge, bending her right leg back to rest her foot on the bed beside her so she could reach the small buckle that kept her shoe on her foot.

I put my hand over hers, curling my fingers around hers to stop her. I knelt down in front of her, kissing the knuckles of the hand I held as I slid my other hand down her calf, gently easing her leg off the bed and pulling her foot into my lap.

Slowly, taking my time, letting my fingertips trail softly over the skin of her ankle, I unbuckled the dainty little shoe—a world removed from the heavy, waterproof boots she used to wear—and eased it off her foot. Then, I threw the unwanted shoe over my shoulder, not caring where it landed.

Her laughter chimed breathlessly and I looked up at her, flashing my crooked smile, before picking up her other ankle and removing the other shoe. It flew over my shoulder to join the other.

I spread my hands on the back of her calves, slowly sliding them up her legs. My hands glided over her skin like it was velvet. I rose from where I knelt as my hands travelled higher, leaning into her as she slid a hand around my neck, pulling me with her as she leant back, keeping our faces close enough to kiss, but not kissing.

I moved over her as I turned my head slightly to nuzzle her neck, her breath coming quick against my jaw. Her hand around my neck fisted in the collar of my shirt. Threads snapped as she tore the material apart and pulled it off.

My laughter at her impatience turned into a groan as her hands moved over my chest, her nails tracing the outline of my muscles. A shudder racked through me and I pulled away to kneel above her. Her alabaster brow puckered in confusion until I pulled her up to met me.

We stared at each other, our faces less than four inches apart, as I pushed her satin blouse up her body. She lifted her arms, letting me push it up until I could pull it off. I could've just torn it off, like she had mine, but this way was so much better—to watch her eyes get even more molten as I touched her, to hear her quiet moan as my thumbs grazed the sides of her breasts, to feel her move under my hands as I glided them down her back…yes, my way was much more satisfying.

She pressed her forehead to mine, smiling gently at me before capturing my lips in a chaste kiss. I pulled her back with a hand around her neck when she pulled away, even as she pulled me back down onto the bed, her hands gliding down to my waist. My muscles contracted at her touch, another shudder racing through me. She seemed to enjoy the effect she was having on me, her lips curving into a smile as we kissed, a chuckle sounding deep in her throat.

Well, two could play at this game.

I kissed the corner of her mouth, where it was turned up in a smile, before kissing my way down her throat, smiling at the tiny moan of protest she made when I took my mouth away. My hand glided along her collarbone, pushing the ice-blue bra strap from her shoulder as my lips followed, leaving behind a trail of butterfly-light kisses.

Slowly, taking the time to taste all of the beautiful skin that my lips touched, I kissed my way down to the top of her breast, enjoying the way her breath hitched and became rapidly uneven. Very deliberately, I moved my kisses away, down the cleft between her breasts, and her hand clenched in my hair as the other clutched at my shoulder as her back arched slightly. I kissed and licked my way down her body until I reached the top of her skirt. I took it carefully between my teeth and gave it a gentle tug—enough to snap a few threads, but not enough to really damage the material.

I sat up again, aware that she was watching me as I refused to let myself meet her eyes.

She moaned softly as my hands slid around her to get to the zip at the back of her skirt, but I heard the snarl in the sound. I could feel my lips set in a small smirk.

"I like this outfit," I explained softly and her breathless laughter chimed again.

I undid the zipper and she lifted her hips off the bed, wiggling them a little as I pulled the skirt down.

"How did you get into it?" I muttered, asking the question I'd been wondering since she'd walked into her office yesterday. I was utterly amazed by how well the skirt fit her form and hadn't torn.

She laughed—a breathless, husky sound—but didn't answer.

The skirt slid off easily enough with the combined effort and I tossed it aside on top of her blouse. I was entranced by the sight of her, but she wouldn't let me look at her for too long. I smiled at her as I let her pull me back down.

"You're beautiful," I muttered, nuzzling her neck again.

Her hands glided over my arms as she kissed my jaw. "I think you might be biased."

"Doesn't mean it's not true." I placed a tender kiss under her ear. "Let me look at you."

Her arms tightened around my neck for a moment, keeping me close, before she slid her hands down my chest and pushed me back a bit.

"Fair's fair," she said.

I raised an eyebrow at her, but it was the work of seconds to shed the last of my own clothes. The instinctive uncertainty I had vanished as though it had never been when I saw the look on her face as she looked at me. I gave her a quick kiss before pulling back far enough to look at her again, to drink in the sight of her.

But I had barely gotten past the gentle rise of her breasts when she pulled me back down with a hungry snarl.

"Enough looking," she snarled.

Only because there would be plenty of time later—and I intended on using that time wisely—did I let her pull me back down.

If I had any fears of how to go about making love to her, they were drowned and overridden by desire and instinct. The incessant need for her that I had been feeling ever since that day in the meadow, that had suddenly flared back to life when I saw her bounce out of the bookshop those few days ago, overrode everything. It was effortless to surrender myself to my instincts, to loose myself in the feel of her, the scent of her.

My world narrowed down to her—the sounds she made as I moved my body against hers—the soft moans and the quiet whimpers; the movement of her body—the way her back arched against my chest and her hips bucked against mine; the way she was kissing me—her lips brushing along the line of my jaw and nipping at my ear. Every little move, every little sound she made, I was intensely aware of.

I watched her as I moved over her, watched her close her eyes and tilt her head back as she bit her lip. I inhaled the scent at her throat before tasting it. Her hand slid into the hair at the nape of my neck as I nibbled my way down the smooth column, her other hand tightening on my bicep as she pulled herself up and against me, my name escaping her lips in a quiet moan. Her teeth grazed my ear before she pressed her lips to my neck. I groaned and pressed my face into her shoulder, my body responding with thrusts that kept going deeper, causing her breathless moans to get louder in my ear.

She moaned my name against my shoulder, and I turned my head at the same time she did to capture her mouth in a kiss. We both groaned into it, the feeling almost too intense for either of us. Bella's groan ended in a whimper and she pulled away from it, panting, her body beginning to shake. She pressed her forehead to mine, her eyes closed, her hand clenched tight in my hair. I skimmed my nose along her cheekbone, a growl rumbling in my chest. Her laugh was barely more than a breathy pant and ended in one of those beautifully feminine mewling noises as her head dropped back.

"Edward…"

There was a plea in the way she moaned my name this time. My body's response to it was to pull her closer, creating less distance and more friction. Her arms and legs tightened around me as she pulled herself closer, pressing her face into my neck. I turned to do the same as my body continued to move increasingly faster. Our groans mingled in the air, Bella's voice rising above mine as her body came undone beneath me. I pressed my mouth to her neck as I followed her, cresting an unbelievable high before floating back down to lie, content and replete, in her arms.

The sun rose slowly, as always, and neither of us moved until I felt the early morning rays fall across my back. I rolled over, pulling Bella with me to rest on my chest. She smiled at me, closing her eyes and sighing in contentment. I watched the sun bounce off her skin in scattered rainbows, watched it bounce off my fingers as I traced the beautiful, smooth curves of her body.

"I love you," I murmured quietly.

"Mmmm…" she hummed, lifting her shoulder to her cheek, hiding that gorgeous smile for a moment. Then she opened her eyes and stared at me as I continued my exploration, her skin shimmering in the sunlight reflecting off the white carpet where it wasn't hitting her directly. My fingertips glided down the curve of her waist and then back up to her hip. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes again as she squirmed under my hand and I paused—partly because I wasn't sure if she wanted me to stop, and mostly because her hips ground against mine when she moved, suddenly making me more-than-eager for a repeat of our previous activities. I only paused for a moment as I angled my head to see her face clearly…then I did it again when she re-opened her eyes. Her reaction was the same; moving her hips away and then back again, a smile on her face.

"It tickles," she muttered, in response to my inquisitive expression, "but in a good way." She frowned as she considered the concept.

I felt my smile widen and I eased her off me, gently guiding her to roll over onto her back. I let my fingertips glide over her waist again, smiling when she rocked her hips from side to side, trying to escape but unwilling to put in a real effort. I bent over her, this time gliding my nose down her curve, inhaling as I went. Her scent, so delightfully delicious, flooded my senses again as she arched her back, a small moan sounding in her throat.

My lips were next, following a path down her body that was quickly becoming one of my favourites. Her moan became my name this time, her hand sliding into my hair as her back arched again…and as her phone started to ring.

She snarled angrily at it and I felt a tug of smug satisfaction that she didn't want to be interrupted.

"Ignore it, love," I muttered, leaving a trail of kisses down the inside of her hipbone.

She might have…if the answering machine hadn't clicked on and a male voice hadn't started to speak.

"Isabella, it's Luke from the office…"

Her body tensed and I lifted my head, as we both came crashing back into reality. I sat up and watched her as she crawled out of the bed and went to sit on the sofa next to the little table where her phone sat. Fury lanced through me and my fingers twitched, the desire to get them on Victoria and tear her apart was so great. I watched Bella as she coiled herself up like a cat, staring at the machine as the voice continued to speak.

"You're probably still asleep, but I need you to come into the office as soon as humanly possible. Come straight to my office when you get here—I'll explain everything then. ASAP please, Isabella."

* * *

**Yeah, you don't like where I stopped it, do you? Lol...bugger...**

**Anywhosits, thankyou for reading and please feel free to review :) I just wanna take this chance to let you guys know that this story was nominated again (Oh.My.Edward) for another award over at twilightfanfictionawards (the link is on my profile) for FAVOURITE OVERALL STORY. Nomiations are still open I do believe, so make sure you nominate your other favourites as well. And if the person(s) who nominated this fic reads this, please let me know, so I can thankyou!**

**xoxoxo**


	11. Part XI

**Disclaimer: **I can't claim anything other than the original plot points and the setting...all other recognisable characters etc are property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm feeling really jealous right about now...

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**Part XI – You'd be surprised…at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in…human news.**

"_Isabella, it's Luke from the office. You're probably still asleep, but I need you to come in to the office as soon as humanly possible. Come straight to my office when you get here—I'll explain everything then. ASAP please, Isabella."_

**BPOV**

Talk about a rude awakening.

I felt myself go stone-still the instant I heard Luke's voice. I felt Edward lift his mouth from my hip as I was abruptly torn out of my blissful state of euphoria. I crawled off the bed, letting my fingers linger on Edward's neck, reluctant to let him go. I curled in on myself on the sofa as Luke finished his message. I stared at the answering machine as he hung up, watching the little blue light flashing, mocking me as it let me know that I had one new message.

Funny, in no sense of the word, that he would ask me to get there as soon as "humanly" possible.

I felt oddly numb. Odd, because I could still physically feel everything—the silken texture of the suede sofa I sat on, the heat of the sunlight on the back of my neck, the subtle air currents stirring the dust mites—and yet I still felt…numb. Well, then—if it's not physical, it must be emotional. An emotional numbness. Maybe because I was feeling so much, my mind couldn't decide what to feel, so it just deadpanned.

It was probably the guilt…and the panic.

I had known this was coming. I had known I would be stuck in the middle of this, merely by association, regardless of the lie fabricated to hide my real part in it. The problem was; I had never had to deal with something like this. Lying had never been my forte—neither had acting, for that matter. Yeah, sure, I've been lying and acting for the last eighty years, but this was different. The last eighty years were harmless lies that were embodied by actions rather than words and involved no one other than myself. Besides, it's not like people come up to me and ask if I'm a vampire and I say no in their faces. The last eighty years of lies was to allow myself to be as human as possible without ever giving anyone cause to think otherwise. But the lying that would be required now would need to be done in response to direct questions, questions that would be answered with scenarios based around Lanna, scenarios that weren't true.

Poor Lanna.

I stared at the machine, at the flashing blue light, but all I saw was Lanna's terrified face, the gaping wound in her neck, and the blood… Ah, the blood. Even now I could still smell it and my throat burned.

The phone started ringing again. I watched the red light flashing next to the blue one with an incoming call. After five rings, it beeped twice. I stared at it as Alice's high soprano voice rang out of the speaker, talking over the top of my recorded greeting.

"I know you're there, Bella. Pick up. We need to get your story straight before you go in."

xoXox

I walked into the office, calling on all the decades of practice to keep my face devoid of knowledge and to keep a mask of polite confusion in place. Christian stood at the desk with two tired-looking detectives, logging into the system, gathering whatever evidence they needed. He looked up at me dolefully when I stepped off the elevator. Playing my role as the confused innocent, I paused and frowned in concern as the detectives turned to look at me. The corridor leading to my office was tapped off with bright yellow crime tape, the words CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS in big, black letters blazoned against the background. I let my eyes grow wide as I looked back at Christian and then back at the crime tape. I could smell the stale blood as well as I could hear the forensics team moving around in my office. The memory of the thirst tore through my throat, making my mouth baked and desiccated. I closed my eyes as I swallowed a fresh mouthful of venom.

Christian turned to look at me as well. He grimaced when he saw me and pointed up the curving staircase. "Mr. Randall wants you to go right up." He waved a hand at the detectives then at the tapped off corridor. "He'll explain everything." His voice was rough, his eyes red-rimmed and tired.

I nodded gently as I made my way up the staircase, taking extra care to move at a human pace and to let my eyes linger, as a human would, on the crime tape and the detectives—they were still watching me.

"Who is that?" I heard one of them ask in a would-be subtle voice if I wasn't a vampire.

"Miss Masen," was Christian's simple answer.

"_That's _Miss Masen?" The voice was louder.

I turned, careful to keep my human façade in place, as any other person would at the sound of their name. The younger of the two detectives, probably still green out of the academy, was fully turned and staring at me. His partner elbowed him sharply in the side. "Focus, Jones."

I turned away as he did, but I could feel his eyes on me as I continued up the stairs until I was out of sight. As soon as I reached the top of the landing, Luke's secretary picked up her phone. I heard Luke's phone ring through two sets of heavy oak doors.

"Miss Masen has just arrived, sir," she muttered when he picked up.

"_Send her straight through, please, Mel._"

The secretary nodded, as if Luke could see her. "Yes, sir."

She smiled softly, standing as she hung up. "Just go straight in, Miss Masen. Mr. Randall is expecting you."

I returned the smile as I went. "Thankyou."

"Isabella!" Luke's usually jovial voice was tight and strained. It was only a quarter-to-eight and he had already removed his jacket, rolled his sleeves and loosened his tie. His hair was standing on end from running his hand through it so many times. It looked like his day was just ending, rather than just beginning.

"Have a seat," he offered, holding out his arms to indicate one of the chairs in front of his desk. I carefully navigated the sunlight falling through his window and moved the chair a few inches back so it wouldn't hit me as the sun continued to rise. Thankfully, the maroon carpet absorbed more light than it reflected and Alice's recommended outfit of a charcoal business suit and a grey silk, full-sleeved blouse left a very little surface area for the sun to reflect off of.

As I settled myself in the chair, Luke stood against the front of his desk in front of me, crossing his arms across his chest. He looked extremely uncomfortable while he tried to hide it. He smiled awkwardly.

"You're probably wondering why I called you so early…" He uncrossed his arms and took a pen out of his breast pocket and began to fiddle with it. "You're probably wondering about all the police cars and detectives and yellow tape, too," he muttered with a single, rueful chuckle.

I fidgeted in my seat. "What happened?" I asked softly.

He took a deep breath and looked at me. He fiddled with his pen for a moment more before putting it back in his breast pocket. He clapped his hands.

"In a few minutes those detectives down stairs are going to take you downtown to ask you some questions." Still playing my role as the confused innocent, I set my face into an expression that I hoped resembled panic and opened my mouth as if to voice that panic. I must have had it spot on, because Luke instantly reacted, holding up his hands with a contrite expression and moving as quickly as he could to sit in the chair beside me. "You're not under arrest or anything, Isabella; they just need to ask you a few questions to help them sort this all out."

I shook my head slightly, my mouth still open as if to speak. Luke rushed on.

"They wanted you to go straight downtown, but I asked them if it would be all right if you could come here first so that I could explain to you…" He hesitated, trying to watch me carefully without really meeting my eyes. "You see, Isabella, your secretary, Lanna, was…attacked last night."

I made my eyes go wide as I feigned shocked, horrified surprise, deliberately catching my breath.

"'_Attacked_'?" I whispered.

He nodded sympathetically. "Someone broke into your office…"

I frowned. "Broke in?" I repeated, colouring my tone with confusion. "As in, they broke the lock? But someone must've seen them come in! Why…?"

Luke shook his head, his expression a mix of confusion, disbelief and sorrow. "No, no, no. As in, they came in through your window."

I made my face go blank for a moment and blinked at him. Then I let the frown come back as I shook my head, feigning obvious disbelief. "Luke, my office is—"

"Fourteen stories high, I know." His voice was soft, strained—he was obviously having a hard time believing that anyone could come through a window that high. "But it's the only way that makes sense. The glass was all over the office floor, not down on the pavement." And I could see what else he was struggling to comprehend—the glass windows in this building, and all other modern buildings, were just as strong—if not stronger—than the glass used for Boeing planes. Not even a hammer could break through them as cleanly as Edward had.

Luke shook his head, obviously trying to dispel either thoughts he didn't want to deal with or thoughts that weren't making sense…or maybe a combination. "Isabella, I obviously can't tell you much—I just wanted to…" He stopped and tried again. "I thought you might appreciate it if I was the one to tell you rather than the…" He waved a vague hand that I understood to indicate the detectives. He shook his head, wincing. "God knows that they were crude enough when they told me."

I nodded silently, like I was in a daze.

It felt like my acting was over-the-top; that Luke _must_ be able to tell that something was off. Didn't he realise that my every response seemed just a bit _too_ right for someone who has no real part in the incident other than just being the person who happens to work in the room where it happened? Can't he tell how perfectly calculated everything was?

But I didn't have to act as I asked my next question. "Is she…? I mean, she's…? She's all right, isn't she? Lanna?"

I waited tensely for his answer, watching him hesitate. Alice hadn't said anything about Lanna, being too busy making sure I knew how to act my part and that I had an answer for any question they might throw at me. Edward hadn't been able to contact Carlisle before we left and Carlisle hadn't contacted Esme by then either. So I had no idea if she was still alive. I was hoping that the silence from Carlisle meant that he was busy trying to save her life.

Not that it would have been such a desperate race if I'd been stronger.

I flinched at the thought, hating myself for letting my desires take place before the needs of someone else.

Luke saw me and thought I was reacting to his silence.

"She's still alive," he said. "It's just…she's critically unstable, even with the life support." He looked away and rubbed his hand over his face with a heavy sigh and my sympathy for him flared. It wasn't fair that he would have to go through this. Luke was a good person—ruthless when it came down to business, but not to the point where he forgot about his employees. He was the kind of boss that came in of a morning and greeted everyone by name, that stopped and had an idle chat occasionally—he knew when to be a friend and when to be the boss.

Lanna hadn't deserved what had happened to her either. She shouldn't be lying in a hospital bed, unconscious and wired up to monitors.

Victoria had no reason to hurt innocents, damn her. It was Edward she wanted to hurt and she had already decided that killing me would be the most efficient way to do that. Why go after a helpless human? She should have just gone straight after me. Edward thinks she's been watching me for some time, and if that were true, then she would have had plenty of chances to have a go at me. While I may have doubted Edward's feelings for me before, she would have had to of known that vampires don't fall in and out of love—that my death would've affected Edward, no matter where he was.

I turned my face away so that Luke wouldn't be able to see my face if he looked back at me. I was furious and I knew that anger would be obvious on my face—it was too potent to be contained right now. Hopefully he'll think it's because I'm trying hide tears or something.

I felt the heat of his hand hovering above my arm, but before he could physically touch me, his intercom buzzed and Mel's voice informed him of the detectives waiting outside.

He told her we would be out in a moment before turning to me. "Just take a minute, Isabella. I know it's a…nasty shock." His eyebrow rose as he spoke. Clearly he didn't think 'nasty' was the appropriate word, but he used it anyway. "You don't need to worry, because you've done nothing wrong. They're just looking for a lead."

I nodded, keeping my eyes wide with disbelief. I sat for a moment, trying to make it look like I really was taking some time to try and calm myself down and accept what I'd been told. Really, I was going over my story in my head. Alice had seen some of the generic questions they would ask me but some answers opened up opportunities for a million other questions that they could ask and she didn't have time to go through them all.

I began to panic again at the thought. I closed my eyes and thought back to this morning after I got off the phone to Alice. Edward had wrapped me up in his arms and whispered in my ear.

"It'll be fine, Bella. You're not a suspect. Just do as Alice said and you'll be fine."

I had shaken my head, pressing it into his shoulder. "Humans can do grotesque things to each other, Edward, but this is _too_ malevolent. There's no way anyone could think…"

"Actually, Bella," he had interrupted, "you'd be surprised at how often our kind is the source behind the horrors in the human news." His voice went icy. "And you'd be surprised by how many humans are as capable of doing that as Victoria is—even without her strength. All you have to do is look through history—the evidence is there." I had shuddered because I knew he was right. He had squeezed me tight in his arms, then. "Relax, love. There's nothing there that ties you to the scene, Alice made sure of it."

Alice made sure of it…and Alice was meticulous about details.

I opened my eyes and gave Luke a tiny smile as he watched me closely. I stood up slowly, carefully, as if I was still in shock. "Thankyou," I said, straining my voice slightly. "I do appreciate it."

He nodded as he got up to walk me to the door. "You're welcome, Isabella, although I do wish I hadn't had to." He shook his head. "How someone could do that to Lanna… She's such a bright young woman. I hope they catch the bastard," he muttered darkly.

A fresh wave of guilt flooded me—Victoria may have started to kill Lanna, but I had been the one that had almost finished what she hadn't. If it weren't for Edward, Lanna would be dead.

xoXox

I went to the station with the detectives in their black, unmarked Dodge. They had given me the option to drive or be driven because, after all, I wasn't under arrest. Alice had told me they'd offer and it would work in my favour if I went with them rather than driving myself. I had the whole young, innocent and naive thing going, helped along by my youthful appearance. It was obvious from the way that the detectives, who had introduced themselves as Detective Hogan and Detective Jones, kept glancing at me that they thought that my apparent youth was a sure fire indication that I was fragile. It annoyed me to have to play along with it and I was only going to tolerate it until the "shock" wore off.

As they led me to one of the interrogation rooms, I saw a tall, blonde haired figure standing at the reception desk through the glass wall of the waiting lounge.

"Carlisle," I breathed, too quietly for the detectives to hear.

He put his pen down and smiled at the uniformed officer behind the desk as he handed him a sheet of paper with a quiet thankyou. He turned casually, then, his golden eyes sweeping the room before meeting mine through the glass. He smiled gently, his lips curving slightly at the corner.

I hadn't known that Carlisle would be here. I didn't understand _why_ he was here. I knew he would've been first on the scene, according to the humans, but I didn't understand why he had to come down to police headquarters. Surely they would have taken his statement at the hospital?

"Just in here, Miss Masen."

Detective Jones, or Rookie as Detective Hogan was fond of calling him, had been hovering as close to my elbow as his subconscious allowed him. Now he darted forward and held the door open for me. His heart rate increased as I walked past him, doting him with a quiet thankyou. He didn't wait for Hogan to enter but jumped forward to pull out a chair for me. I suppressed a sigh. I was grateful I didn't have Edward's ability to hear thoughts—Jones' behaviour alone was enough to have me grinding my teeth.

I sat down and waited for them to settle themselves. I was tired of the helpless act.

"How can I help?" I asked softly.

Hogan lent forward in his chair, bracing his elbows on the tabletop. "We want you to understand, Miss Masen, that you're not under arrest."

"I understand," I muttered, trying not to let my annoyance show. "I want to know what I can do to help put Lanna's attacker behind bars." Like they stood a chance. Bars would never hold _any_ vampire and Victoria would make a meal of them before they even realised what had happened.

Hogan opened a manila folder with the Illinois State Police shield printed on the front as he said, "Well, first we just need to ask you a few questions to clear you as a suspect…"

"At the moment, anyone linked to that office is a suspect," Jones informed me, an apologetic look on his face.

Hogan gave Jones a reproachful glance and continued. "So, if you could tell us where you were last night, Miss Masen? One of your clients arrived on the scene, around seven, saying she had an appointment to meet you to work on a manuscript. A Mrs Sovent." He squinted as he read from a report in the folder. I read every word upside down. He looked up at me. "But you never showed up."

I shook my head, frowning. "No. I was…" I paused and took a deep breath for theatrical purposes before starting again. "Lanna"—I made myself grimace delicately—"was supposed to cancel that meeting for me." My voice was soft and pained. "I was with my partner. He's just returned from an extended trip over seas." Jones straightened and sat back in his chair with an annoyed sigh that only I heard at the word 'partner'.

"So you wanted to cancel your appointment to spend the evening with him?"

I twisted my mouth unhappily. "I know, it's not good work ethic, but…it felt like I hadn't seen him for years." That was true at least. "I don't usually put pleasure before business, Detective Hogan, but I just…I needed to see him."

"Your other secretary…Christian…said that you had visitors earlier that day. He said it was rather unusual that you have unscheduled visitors."

I nodded, fidgeting uncomfortably and looking down at my hands. "That's true." I hesitated, and then continued softly, "I'm not a very social person, Detective Hogan. It's not that I don't enjoy company, I just…don't always click with other people outside of the work sphere."

Jones raised an eyebrow. "Everyone at your office seems to speak very highly of you, Miss Masen."

I looked him in the eye. His muscles went taunt as he tried not to flinch. His attitude was annoying me and I wasn't making an effort not to scare him. Alice would berate me for it when I got home. "At the office, Detective Jones. Part of the work sphere."

Blood flooded his cheeks and he sat back, blinking.

My cell phone beeped quietly at me from my handbag sitting demurely on the floor. I reached for it automatically then paused, looking at the two detectives sitting opposite me. "Do you…?"

"Go ahead," Hogan allowed.

I pulled out my phone and slid it open. The message from was from Edward.

_Love, are you all right? I'm picking up Carlisle from police headquarters and he told me something happened at the office last night. He said you've been brought in for questioning? I'm not sure I understand, but we're going to wait inside until you're done. I love you._

He was here, across the hall. I snapped the phone shut and turned most of my attention back to the detectives in front of me. Obviously, something was going to happen that he wanted to be nearby for. His message was full of information he had already been aware of and read like a panicked, confused spouse—a cover, probably in case the detectives happened to see it. He was setting down some groundwork for something.

Hogan was jotting down some notes on the legal pad at his elbow—a surmised version of what I had just told him. I set my cell on the table in front of me.

"Who were your visitors, Miss Masen?"

"My partner and his sister."

"And what was the purpose of the visit? Is this when you decided to cancel your meeting with Mrs Sovent?"

I shook my head. "No. Um…actually, it was when I made the appointment. They came to surprise me. I would've told them not to if I'd known."

He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. His eyes darted away from mine, focusing somewhere just below my forehead but I saw the question.

"Because we had the CSO in," I explained. "The day was busy enough."

Hogan nodded, looking back down at his legal pad. A light sheen of sweat beaded his brow. I glanced at Jones and he had his arms crossed tightly across his chest, determinedly looking over my shoulder. I obviously needed to make more of an effort to make them feel more comfortable. "How long has your partner been back?"

I modulated my tone slightly, hoping the difference wouldn't be too noticeable. "Only a few days. I'd only spoken to him once before he came to the office and that was over the phone. I hadn't seen him until yesterday." Both of them relaxed visibly, but not completely.

"So when did you decide to cancel your appointment with Mrs Sovent, Miss Masen?"

I frowned, like I was thinking about it. "When my partner called, and asked if I would be able to clear my schedule for the evening." I shook my head. "Like I said, Detective, it's not something I would usually do but it felt like I hadn't seen him in…_eons_ and when he had shown up in my office earlier, it just made it worse." I let my voice drift off, like I was embarrassed to admit it…which I was. Seeing him in my office yesterday had almost driven me insane…let alone when he had started kissing me.

Hogan nodded again while Jones huffed silently.

"What's your partner's name?"

"Edward. Edward Cullen."

"Cullen?" Hogan flicked through the three sheets of paper in the file. "Is he related to Dr. Carlisle Cullen?"

I nodded. "Yes. Dr. Cullen is his father."

Hogan nodded. "Could we have some contact details for your partner? We just need him to verify your statement."

So _that's_ what the groundwork was for. I picked up my cell and brandished it slightly, indicating the message I'd just read. "Um…actually, Detective Hogan, he's out in the waiting room with Carlisle. They're waiting for me."

Hogan's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Excellent. Go out and bring him in, would you Rookie? We'll get two birds with one stone."

Jones stood with a subtle frown, obviously unhappy with his assignment. "What does he look like?"

"Bronze hair, pale…" I don't think giving my own personal assessment of Edward's appearance would go down too well with him, although the idea was tempting. "He'll be with Dr. Cullen. You won't miss them."

He left and Hogan cleared his throat, reading through the report.

"Do you remember the last call you made on your office phone, Miss Masen?"

I frowned as if the question didn't make sense. And it wouldn't if I was less involved. But Alice had said that this was the question they would ask to validate Carlisle's story for being first on the scene—he had received a call at home around six thirty and the ID on the phone was my private line from the office, a number I had already given Edward, who had already programmed it into their phone. When he answered, he had heard the sound of someone in trouble asking for help and then screams of pain. Thinking it was me, he had left straight away, calling nine-one-one as he went. If my last call was to the Cullen residence, then Lanna might have reached for the phone on my desk and hit redial in an effort to get help—a perfectly plausible scenario.

Of course, in reality, the phone call around six thirty had actually been me and it had actually been Edward that had answered. But for our scenario to work, I had to have called earlier in the day, before I 'went home'. Alice had said that she had gotten Jasper to hack into the phone company's records and alter them so that it would appear that I had in fact called earlier in the day.

"Yes. Edward rang while I was in a meeting and left a message asking me to call him back at his parent's place."

"And you made that call on your office phone?"

"Yes."

He nodded, looking back down at the report. "Okay." He was uncomfortable with me, reluctant to meet my eyes. He hadn't made eye contact for any longer than three seconds yet, all morning. It had to be hard to tell if you were being lied to if you couldn't make eye contact. I guess it made my job easier though, because I hadn't made any calls on that phone between speaking to Mrs Sovent while Edward had been sitting there watching me and calling him at home as I tried to distract myself from my raging thirst.

I heard the loud drumbeat of Jones' footsteps, followed by Edward's softer ones coming down the hall to the room. When Jones came in, he only held the door long enough not to be considered rude, until Edward put out his hand to hold it open as he followed the detective through.

I watched they way his eyebrows came together in a frown as he took in the scene, the concern that emanated from him as he hurried over slowly, sitting down next to me and taking my hand. He was so much better at this acting thing then I was.

"Are you all right?" he asked, and I could tell that his concern was genuine—he knew I didn't like to lie. "What's going on?"

"I'm fine," I said softly, clasping my free hand over our entwined ones. I knew what part I had to play here. "What did Carlisle tell you?"

Edward's eyes darted between me and the detectives, full of confusion. I had to hand it to him—he really was a brilliant actor. "He said that someone was attacked in your office last night and that you'd been brought it for questioning." He shook his head. "It's absurd. He said you weren't a suspect, but…"

Hogan spoke up and we turned simultaneously to look at him. The way he shuddered didn't go unnoticed by either of us. If he'd been uncomfortable before with just one vampire looking at him, it had nothing on how he felt now with two of us doing it. Jones had taken up a standing position at the wall behind Hogan, arms crossed over his chest. I wasn't sure if it was out of annoyance or subconscious self-preservation.

"As soon as you can verify Miss Masen's alibi, Mr Cullen, she'll be clear." His brown-hazel eyes were focused on Edward's eyebrows rather than his eyes. I was getting the faint impression that he wanted to be over with this as soon as possible. "Can you tell us where she was last night, Mr. Cullen?"

"Of course. She was with me." Like I would be anywhere else.

"And where was that, exactly?"

Edward's broad shoulders lifted a little in a shrug. "At her house. I just got back from overseas and since I'm living with my parents until I get settled into my new place, we opted to spend the night at hers." The partial truth just rolled of his tongue like nothing at all.

"You didn't take her out for dinner?"

Well, didn't that just sound like a personal jab at Edward's expense. I watched the hint of a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. He hadn't missed it either. His eyes glittered in amusement as he glanced at me. "No," he lied. It's not like I have our kind of cuisine lying around the house. "Bella's never been one for the fancy restaurants." At that, I couldn't help my small smile. That was true enough.

"When did you get back from overseas?"

"On Monday."

"And yesterday was the first day you'd seen each other?"

"Yes."

"Did you know she had business appointments for the evening?"

I wondered if I should be offended that he didn't at least ask me to leave the room while he questioned my story. Wasn't this sort of thing supposed to be done individually, where there was no chance for communication between the two that were being questioned? I watched him as he continued scribbling away on his notepad, noticing the increasing perspiration building on his brow. He was just in a rush to get this over with.

Again, Edward shrugged, but this time his expression was a bit sheepish. It was an adorable expression on him…maybe because I saw it so rarely.

"I did know she had one appointment, because I was there when she arranged it. But I called her anyway and asked her if she could cancel it for me." He looked at me suddenly, passion blazing in his eyes. "And I'm glad you did." He looked back at the detectives. "I'm sorry for what happened to Lanna—she was nice girl. But if Bella had stayed, who's to say it wouldn't have been her?" He looked back at me. "Carlisle told me he thought it was you, when the phone rang. He hadn't known that you'd already left and he was terrified."

Hogan nodded again (if I didn't know that his sense of self-preservation was high, I would have to wonder if that was all he could do) while Jones glared unhappily at mine and Edward's entwined hands.

"Miss Masen, what time did you leave the building?"

I frowned as I thought for a moment. Alice had already told me that Victoria had taken out the security cameras. When I left the building shortly after five, to call Edward about the phone calls inquiring about me, the cameras were still on. When I came back about an hour later, they were off line—no one had seen me re-enter the building.

"I think it was about a quarter past five."

"And your secretary, Mrs Bells, was still there?"

I nodded. "Yes." I flinched; Lanna's mutilated form slumped under my window flashing in front of my eyes. Edward untangled his hand from mine and replaced it with his other one as he wrapped it comfortingly around the back of my neck, under my hair. "As I left I asked her…" I shook my head. "I asked her if she'd been able to contact Mrs Sovent. She said she hadn't but she had some other things she needed to finish up before she left so she'd keep trying. She told me not to worry and to just go and have fun." I turned to Edward. "I wish she'd just left."

And I did. I had told her that there was no need for her to stay, but she was too sweet for her own good. Her absolute belief that the stuff-up had been her fault had kept her from going home like she should've and look what had happened. I think I finally understood, to some small degree, the agony Edward had gone through while I was human. Yet, I felt even worse now, because, not only I had been the one to almost finish killing her, I was now putting all these words in her mouth that she had never said. I felt horrible for relying on the fact that, if she dies, she won't be able to dispute anything we've said she said or did, or, if she does survive, that the trauma of the attack might negate anything she might say.

I felt absolutely wretched and Edward could sense that. He turned to the detectives. "Is there anything else, Detective?"

Hogan shook his head. "I think we're all done for today. Thankyou for speaking with us Miss Masen, Mr. Cullen."

"Will you let us know if anything changes?" I asked softly as we stood. "If you need any more answers?"

Hogan nodded, standing as well. "Of course."

Edward kept a hand on the small of my back as he guided me out the door. I heaved a heavy sigh as we left, grateful for the lies to be over with for the time being. The detectives stayed in the room. I heard Jones' low whistle through the sound proof walls.

"What was _that_?"

* * *

**Sorry for the wait, loves :C I was being a good girl and getting uni assignments done and working on getting the next couple of chapters written as well so that updates won't be anywhere near as long in coming. I'm hoping for one a week from now on...HOPING--I'm not making promises. I've also been caught up in a new story line for one of our favourite couples (yes, I do mean Bella and Edward). Hopefully that'll be up in the next week or so as well...**

**As usual, thankyou to everyone for the beautiful reviews...some of them are just so profound that they blow me away! It's incredible. Thankyou for all the alerts and favourites, as well XD And to people adding the story to communities! **

**Oh! And I almost forgot! _'It's Better When I Bleed For You'_ won another award for **BEST OVERALL STORY **over at the Twilight Fanfiction Awards! Thankyou so much to everyone who voted! There's a link on my profile to see the little banner I got :)**

**Much love!**

**xoxoxo**


	12. Part XII

**Part XII – Would you leave me unable to defend myself?…**

_Edward kept a hand on the small of my back as he guided me out the door. I heaved a heavy sigh as we left, grateful for the lies to be over with for the time being. The detectives stayed in the room. I heard Jones' low whistle through the sound proof walls._

"_What was _that_?"_

**BPOV**

I looked at Edward as we left. He shook his head with a small smile and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"The _Rookie_," he muttered with quiet emphasis, "just isn't used to feeling so vulnerable, particularly toward a woman." He chuckled. "You really did a number on him. It was rather enjoyable to watch."

I bit my lip, feeling a bit guilty. I had deliberately made him uncomfortable. Maybe I'd taken it a bit too far.

"He was annoying me," I muttered back in a poor attempt of justification.

He laughed quietly. "So I could see." He kissed my temple. "He was annoying me, too. He reminded me of Mike Newton, just a little too much—all those fantasies." A small growl rumbled in his chest. "They had me wanting to back-hand him into the wall."

I frowned, thinking for a moment… It took a few moments of scattered concentration—scattered because Edward's hand had moved back up to the back of my neck and his thumb was tracing slow circles on my skin—before I remembered. Oh. Mike. Baby-face, blonde hair…the golden retriever in a human body.

"You never wanted to back-hand Mike into a wall," I told him, trying to distract myself. I highly doubted the public area of the state police headquarters was a good place for a repeat of this morning's activities…as pleasurable as they had been.

There was a subtle gleam in his eyes as he raised an eyebrow at me—the kind of gleam that told me that his thoughts were about as close to our conversation as mine were…which wasn't very close at all. "Didn't I?" He frowned as he considered it. "No, I guess I didn't…" He shrugged. "Not just _a_ wall." At that, I lifted an eyebrow of my own, not missing the emphasis. "I always entertained the thought in Biology." He flashed his crooked grin and my eyes refused to look away for a _very_ long moment.

"Edward," I muttered reproachfully, when I could, reaching up to take his hand from my neck and holding onto it. It was just too distracting. "Mike Newton had nothing on you and you know it."

"I didn't like the way he thought about you." His voice became too quick and low for human ears as we walked into the waiting room. "Like he knew you better than you knew yourself, when all he saw when he looked at you was what he wanted to see."

I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that true of most people?"

He shook his head. "Yes. But…He had no idea who you were. He was missing all of your most important traits." He lifted our clasped hands and pressed his lips against my knuckles. "He was missing _you_."

Electricity seared up my arm as I watched him. "I think you're being biased again," I murmured. His eyes, a vibrant gold under the neon lights, were liquid honey as he gazed back. "You just didn't like him."

He smiled crookedly at me and kissed my knuckles again. I had to force myself to look away.

Carlisle was waiting for us at the other end of the room. He smiled at me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder—Edward refused to let go of me. I returned the one-armed hug (because I wouldn't let go of Edward, either) as he greeted me softly.

"Hello, Bella. It's wonderful to see you again."

"Hey, Carlisle."

"We shouldn't linger," Edward muttered, guiding us along and leading us out of the waiting room.

"How have you been?" Carlisle asked.

I gave him a wry smile before my eyes darted to Edward. His hand had tightened on mine, almost painfully, as a quiet, feral snarl tore out of him. I stared at him in surprise, not knowing what to make of the sound, even as he pulled on my arm, pulling me behind him. Carlisle looked around.

"Edward," I began, "what…?"

And then I smelt it. I hadn't consciously noticed it at the office last night—I was too crazed with thirst—and I hadn't consciously noticed it this morning—because I was concentrating on what I had to do. But part of my mind had noticed and had filed it away for future reference.

A vampire's scent.

And because it wasn't a scent I recognised, it could only be one person.

Victoria.

Each one of Lanna's terrified heartbeats was suddenly ringing in my ears, every painful gasp making me deaf to anything else. The image of Lanna's broken form collapsed under my window, blood staining her clothing and pooling around her was suddenly embedded in front of my eyes, the terror in her eyes blinding me more effectively then a blindfold.

And Edward.

My snarl was even more feral than Edward's and a lot louder, too.

Through the haunting, frantic beating in my ears, I heard Carlisle's warning as he whispered my name. I was aware of the _real_ heartbeats reverberating through the air as their owners moved around us. But the edge of my vision was taking on a red tinge—I was too furious to even make the effort to care. All I could think about was one thing.

Not. My. Mate.

I hated what she did to Lanna, but the anger that hatred created didn't even account for one millionth of the enraged emotions I felt. Majority of my bloodlust was generated by the knowledge that she wanted to hurt Edward. It didn't matter that she was after me, that she wanted to kill _me_—all that mattered was that she was trying to hurt _Edward_ by doing so.

With that thought, I tugged back on Edward's arm, trying to pull _him_ behind _me_. Now that I could smell her, I could hear her as well—the gentle _whooshing_ of air on its useless way in and out of her lungs as she remained practically motionless—and I didn't want him anywhere near her. But he refused to let me step in front of him, seeming just as determined to keep me out of her sight. Instead, we ended up mashed together, our arms entwined and tucked tight between our bodies.

We turned the corner into the public entrance and my eyes went straight to where she was standing in the darkest corner of the neon-lit room, her orange hair reflecting the light, making it look like a flame. My lips curled back from my teeth in another snarl, albeit quieter this time. Edward's side pressed harder against mine as he tried to pull me closer again. Suddenly, I felt like I was being restrained.

"What does she want?" Carlisle asked quietly, standing close on my other side.

Edward's voice was a low hiss when he replied, "To declare war."

Her face was twisted up in an unattractive sneer as she looked at us, her eyes a bright ruby-red.

"Why here?"

I felt Edward shrug. I refused to look away from her to see if Carlisle had caught Edward's non-verbal answer. She was glaring at me with enough hatred to rival mine and I could tell that she didn't like the way Edward and I were entwined around each other—it was probably salt in the wound for her. Well, she had no one to blame but herself for that one.

We came to a stop ten feet in front of her. The three of us stood in a line, the rest of the entrance lobby at our backs. Victoria stood alone with her back to the off-white wall. I couldn't understand why she would box herself in like that—a quick peripheral glance told me that we were just under the camera range; we would be able to move fast enough to dismember her and disappear with the pieces before anyone realised what had happened—until I saw the door to the maintenance personnel stairwell on her left. She had a quick escape route if she needed it.

The corner was silent as we glared at each other, until Carlisle broke it.

"Victoria," he greeted coolly.

She sneered at him, refusing to take her wild eyes from me. Edward hissed, low and soft while she managed to sneer and smile mockingly at me at the same time.

"How's your little secretary?" she asked in a shockingly high baby soprano voice. It wasn't anything like the wild, cat-like growl I'd imagined.

"Alive," I said shortly. My fingers were flexing involuntarily—all I really wanted to do was crush her into a pile of dust. I think the physical exertion required would be satisfying enough. Damn her for picking a public place—and the police headquarters, at that. While the humans that worked here ran around trying to piece together evidence that would lead them nowhere, the person they were looking for was in the very same building, perfectly at ease knowing they would never piece it together…and even if they did, they wouldn't be able to do anything at all.

"Maybe I should go to the hospital and finish her off?" she suggested, sickly sweet.

"Leave the human out of this," Carlisle demanded.

Victoria continued as if he hadn't spoken. "I have to hand it to her—she was a tough little human. She didn't even scream once. Although, truth be told, I did tear out her vocal cords before she really could." She flashed her teeth in a vicious smile as I snarled. "Even if I do let her live, she won't ever speak again."

The red tinting the edge of my vision began to spread across my eyes and my body tensed like I was about to pounce. Edward's arm around mine tightened even further. "Leave the human out of it," he echoed, his velvet voice dangerously soft.

Victoria's wild eyes shifted to him and she smiled another sneer. "That upsets you, doesn't it?" She glanced at me again. "You get upset over the human and you"—she looked back at Edward—"get upset because she's upset." She chuckled once, her sneering smile becoming contemplative, and took half a step back.

"Get used to it, Edward," she hissed. "You're going to pay for taking James from me." She glanced at Carlisle. "Even if it means I have to go through your entire coven, your mate is going to die." Her eyes came back to me and narrowed. Suddenly it was me holding Edward back while a low growl rumbled in his chest. The look on his face brought back vague human memories of alleyways and Italian food, and I knew I didn't want to know what she thinking.

Victoria seemed to realise the danger she had put herself in; she reached behind her for the maintenance door. With a last sneer at me, and another feral snarl from Edward, she was gone.

I turned to Edward. "Did she mean it?" I demanded.

He turned toward me even as he kept his eyes on the door she had disappeared through. "It depends," he uttered quietly, "on whether she decides it's worth the effort. She's not sure which will have the biggest impact on you—leaving Lanna alive and watching her struggle to rebuild her life or just killing her out right."

I hissed unhappily, closing my eyes and shaking my head. I didn't know which would have a greater impact on me either, so either way I'd be torn and Edward would hurt watching me hurt…which was exactly what Victoria wanted. It was obvious she wanted to drag this out as long as possible and torture both of us.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked softly, his hand cupping my cheek.

I opened my eyes. "I hate that I'm so easy to read. I'm mad that I let her see…"

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. "It's not that you're easy to read, Bella. We choose not to feed off humans and we make an extra effort to co-exist with them—and we can't do that unless we have compassion for them. And Victoria knows this. That's what she's drawing on."

I looked at Edward, but he was staring at the maintenance door again. I turned back to Carlisle.

"How bad is she?" I asked. "Can I… Can I see her?" I wasn't sure if it was a good idea—I didn't know how much she remembered…if she remembered that I had been the one to almost finish killing her. I shuddered at the thought. She wouldn't want me anywhere near her if she did and I wouldn't blame her.

Carlisle gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Of course you can see her," he said softly. He turned away from where Victoria had been. "She's heavily sedated though. She won't know you're there."

"That's all right," I muttered, relieved. "It's probably better that way, anyway." I don't think I'd ever be able to look her in the eyes again, if she survived.

Another soft growl and Edward turned away from the door to wrap his arms around me.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella," Carlisle said quietly, leading us over to the elevators. "Quite the contrary, actually. Don't let Victoria's deeds weigh you down."

Edward's arms tightened around me. "She'll never touch you, Bella," he whispered in my ear.

Abruptly my concerns jumped from Lanna to Edward. I didn't like that his focus was on me, although I couldn't expect it to be anywhere else. I had seen what he was capable of doing if he thought it would protect me and I wasn't about to let him run off and do something ridiculous. He should focus on keeping himself out of Harm's way.

My focus, of course, was him and as much as I wanted to go hunt down Victoria and tear her up and burn the pieces myself, I knew I was no match for her. Even though I'd been a vampire for the last eighty years, I'd never had a reason to learn how to properly fight. I had lived quietly amongst the humans, being unobtrusive and moving on whenever I started to look too young for how old I claimed to be. I had rarely crossed paths with any other vampires and I when I had, I had gone my way and they had gone theirs. Of course, I could let myself go to my instincts but they would never be enough against Victoria, who'd had centuries to hone her tracking and fighting skills. Obviously, it was a situation I had to rectify, and soon—before Edward did something stupid.

I glanced up at him as we waited for the elevator to take us down to the underground car park, my eyes lingering on the firm set of his jaw. He was furious, obviously, and I knew my request was not going to go down well—he had never taken well to my being in danger and I highly doubted that attitude had changed.

The three of us were silent in the elevator, standing in the middle of the little metal box, the five humans unlucky enough to be stuck with us keeping their backs pressed against the walls.

Edward's Lexus was parked four spaces to the right and a row behind Carlisle's Jaguar. We went our separate ways as Carlisle promised to meet us in his office at the hospital. Edward was quiet as we continued our little walk to his car and I was reluctant to voice my decision and worsen his mood.

Without a word, he unlocked the car and held the door for me. I stepped in, pausing to put my hand on the top of the frame, next to his. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes.

I took a deep breath.

"Edward, will you teach me how to fight?"

xoXox

He refused to speak about it as he drove to the hospital. I sat perfectly still, my head turned to stare out the window, fuming silently at Edward's stubbornness. His immediate reaction had been to bend the car doorframe out of shape as he shut his eyes and said no. I had opened my mouth to argue and he had opened his eyes to look at me pleadingly. My resolve to press the matter then and there had crumbled and dissolved, as he quietly muttered, "Not here."

I had stared at him for a moment before sighing and pressing my lips together. I gave him a pointed look as I got in silently, letting him know I wasn't going to let it go. We didn't say a word to each other as he drove, but our hands were tightly clasped and resting on his thigh.

Now Carlisle was leading us through the maze of corridors that made up the Illinois Masonic Hospital to one of the private rooms in the Emergency Room. Shame and fury raged equally strong through my being the closer we got to Lanna's room. I could smell her scent, slightly off due to the multiple transfusions she'd had. I could hear the slow beeping of machines monitoring her heart rate and helping her breathe, the gentle drip of the IV buried into her arm.

Carlisle opened the door to her room and led us in, closing the door quietly behind us. The curtains were drawn around the bed, hiding her from view.

"She's in a medically induced coma," he said softly as he walked toward the bed, "to help with the pain." He pulled aside the curtain and I winced at the sight in front of me.

She lay on the bed, her throat bandaged around a tube attached there to help her breathe. Wires connected her to the machines beeping beside the bed. There were bruises covering her face, accompanied by small scratches from the glass that had fallen on her when Edward had come through the window.

"She will recover," Carlisle continued as I stared at the heart monitor, watching the green line spike with every steady beat of her heart. "She's stabilised. She'll be on life support for a few weeks yet, though, until her throat heals, but heal it will."

"Her voice?" I asked.

"Victoria wasn't lying. Her larynx was severely damaged—too severely. There's nothing we can do for it. She'll have to undergo further surgery, depending on which method she wishes to adopt to help her speak again."

I had to look away. I hated seeing someone so profoundly innocent unconscious and fighting for life because of me. If only I hadn't left to make that phone call. If only I had insisted harder that she leave.

If only.

Edward followed me out past the enclosure of the curtains while Carlisle checked the chart at the foot of the bed.

"She was pregnant," I whispered to him as he put an arm around my waist.

His expression was pained as he whispered back, "Yes—she was."

I shook my head and buried my face in my hands, as Carlisle made sure the curtains hid her from view again.

"The embryo was too young," he explained, "and the trauma too great." He shook his head. "Even if she had been further along, I doubt the child would have made it."

"It's not fair!" I complained softly, my heart heavy for the unborn child and its mother.

"No," Carlisle sighed. "It's not."

"Have you spoken to her husband?" I asked. "Does he know?"

"About the pregnancy?" Carlisle shook his head. "They were entertaining suspicions but they hadn't had it confirmed. He had business in Texas this week, but he's on his way back."

So that's why Lanna hadn't been in any rush to get home last night, why she had been so willing to stay back. There had been no one to go home to. And the pregnancy. I didn't know which would be worse—knowing you're pregnant and then loosing the baby or loosing the baby and _then_ finding out you were pregnant.

I tilted my head back to look at the ceiling and heaved a heavy sigh. Victoria had so much to answer for. I looked back at the curtains surrounding the bed. And I would make sure she answered for it. Even if Edward refused to teach me how to fight, I still have my gift, my talent, whatever it is, to aid me. But first, I guess, I would have to figure out how it actually worked and what its limitations are. Carlisle would undoubtedly enjoy the chance to explore something new.

And I'm sure Emmett wouldn't have any hesitations about teaching me how to fight if Edward didn't.

"Edward," I muttered.

He sighed and his brow puckered unhappily, like he knew what I was about to say.

"I need to learn," I said softly. I waved a hand at the curtains around Lanna's bed. "When she comes after me again… Would you leave me unable to defend myself?"

A fierce look came into his eyes and he opened his mouth to speak. I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"You can't protect me forever," I whispered, cutting him off. "You _can't_." I put a hand on his cheek. "Please. I have to be able to defend myself." _You_, I amended silently. _I have to be able to defend you_.

He closed his eyes and sighed. "When you put it that way…I suppose we should get to work as soon as we can."

I sighed in relief. "Thankyou," I whispered.

"We should check in with Alice," Carlisle commented from the door. "Perhaps she will be able to see what Victoria is planning."

"Perhaps," Edward said, leading me out of the room as he followed Carlisle. "Victoria's thoughts were too erratic for me to make sense of them—she was hiding her plans from me. If she's figured out how to keep me blocked, it's possible the same may be true for Alice."

It was odd to see Carlisle grimace—I don't think I ever had before.

"Let us hope not," was all he said.

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**_Author's Note:_**

**_I'm so sorry, guys! I've been through some pretty hectic things lately and I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for an extended period of time, which is why this chapter isn't up to par with the others and why it's taken so long. I haven't forgotten the story, I just lost all motivation. I think the only reason you guys are getting this chapter now is because of all the beautiful and encouraging reviews and PM's you guys have been leaving. They've helped me write a little bit each day and I always go back to them when I'm feeling really stumped. So thankyou!_**

**_As I said, this chapter isn't up to par and I don't really want to post it because I feel like it's missing something but if I don't post it now, I don't know if I ever will. So I just figure I'll post it and move onto editing the next chapter, which is in Edward's POV..._**

**_Much love guys, and please keep those reviews coming!_**

**_x x x_**


	13. Part XIII

**Disclaimer:** I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own any Copyright to her novels or characters.. Yeah, that upsets me a bit..

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**Author's Note:**

**Do you like the sight of the disclaimer? It felt good to put it there..**

**I am chronically sorry for leaving all of you faithful readers hanging. I know I said the update would be soon, and I know that no one's interpretation of the word 'soon' translates into seven months down the track. I'm sorry! I wasn't quiet as ready as I thought I was.**

**BUT! Guess what! I finally got this chapter together and decided that this was as good as its going to get. I'm sorry if it's found wanting a bit (I'm not over the moon about it) but I can't keep it around any longer without destroying my muse completely. The next chapter IS in the works, from BPOV, and I think you're all going to enjoy it, because I'm feeling really good about it. **

**Thank you to everyone for being so supportive and understanding.**

**I really hope you do enjoy!**

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**Part XIII – Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?**

_"You can't protect me forever. You can't. Please. I have to be able to defend myself."_

"_We should check in with Alice. Perhaps she will be able to see what Victoria is planning."_

"_Perhaps. Victoria's thoughts were too erratic for me to make sense of them—she was hiding her plans from me. If she's figured out how to keep me blocked, it's possible the same may be true for Alice."_

**EPOV**

Apparently, the same _was_ true for Alice. I sat on the lounge opposite her as she rocked gently to and fro, watching the montage of useless images flash through her mind as she searched. Few images stood out long enough for either of us to determine their meaning. Only one was clear—Bella and Victoria facing off in a hazy cloud of strange shadows.

It was all too clear what that meant. Victoria had the future changing too abruptly, making decisions then changing them before anything could become tangible, making the paths of the future too unstable for certainty.

Only the outcome was clear.

It was getting more and more frustrating to watch with every passing second.

_Tell her to stop, Edward_. Jasper moved away from where he had been standing vigilant at the window. _It's distressing her_.

Call me selfish, but I didn't want to tell her to stop. I _needed_ to know what Victoria was planning. I _had_ to know how I was going to protect Bella from Victoria's next attack, mental or physical. I needed to do something that would prevent Bella from having to face Victoria alone. I needed to change the future. Bella may have been right in telling me that I wouldn't be able to protect her forever—but that was certainly not going to stop me from trying. Victoria would not go on tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer. She had decided her own fate when she had sent Laurent back to Forks eighty years ago.

But I could see Jasper's point. Alice's face was screwed up in concentration and her gentle rocking was becoming less and less gentle with the more she tried to see.

"Thankyou, Alice," I said, just loud enough to break through her concentration. "Why don't you take a break?"

She didn't even open her eyes. "No," she whispered. "I have to find her."

Jasper reached over the back of her chair to take her hand even as she reached for him. "Bella will be safe here with us," he said soothingly. "A few hours won't hurt."

She opened her eyes now, looking straight at me with a slightly guilty expression on her face.

As much as she loved her, Bella wasn't the only reason she was so reluctant to stop searching, even if only for a few hours.

In the only solid part of the vision, Bella stood _alone_ against Victoria.

Bella was as much a part of this family as I was. There was no possible way that any member of our family would let her face Victoria alone if we were there to prevent it. Thus, our absence in the vision was an ill omen. Victoria had already threatened to come through the whole family to get to Bella if she had to, and I knew that she had not been bluffing when she had made that threat.

And so, if the vision did not bode well for the family, it did not bode well for Jasper.

And Jasper must come first.

Her eyes were apologetic as she looked at me. _I'm sorry_, she thought. _But I can't. I just can't._

I raised an eyebrow at her and cast my eyes quickly to where Bella was, outside with Emmett. I understood exactly what she was going through. I, myself, couldn't figure out what Victoria had planned, so I went to the next available source—her. I would not begrudge her if she wanted to keep looking, to see if she could find a way to keep Jasper safe. I would not begrudge her putting Jasper before Bella. I knew how much she loved both of them and I knew it was hard enough for her as it was. To be truthful, it irritated me slightly that Bella's life would come second in the circumstance of any of my family loosing their mate, but the rational side of me understood perfectly. Jasper must come first for Alice—just as Bella must come first for me.

She gave me a small smile, understanding, before closing her eyes again. "Just a little bit longer, Jazz," she said.

Jasper sighed, knowing better than to argue. "Just a little bit," he muttered.

I got up and went to stand in front of the window, watching Emmett and Bella out in the yard while keeping tabs on what Alice was seeing. I winced, or maybe convulsed is a more accurate word, as I fought the urge to go out and tackle Emmett when he threw Bella over his shoulder like a rag doll.

She had wanted this; I had to remind myself, watching her roll and jump back to her feet. She wanted to be able to protect herself, and I had stepped down from being her teacher after the first ten minutes of being so, letting Emmett step in and take over. I couldn't stand seeing her prone on the ground, much less be the one who was doing it to her. I didn't like to think of why she needed to learn how to do this. I looked back over my shoulder at Alice as another image of Bella and Victoria facing off flickered through the haze.

I didn't like it at all.

There had to be a way I could stop it from getting to that.

"Edward, you're not helping," Alice muttered. "You're just adding to the mess."

"My apologies," I said quietly, turning back to the window, smirking at the loud crack as Bella landed a fist in the centre of Emmett's back. The smirk vanished quickly as Emmett took her feet out from under her, sending her down again.

But if there was no way I could prevent Bella and Victoria's face-off? Would Bella's training with Emmett, who was a decent enough fighter by all accounts but greatly advantaged by his superior strength, be enough to keep her alive? Victoria was cunning and had a good three centuries on Bella. I didn't know the extent of her abilities—I didn't know how well she could fight in physical combat, I didn't know how she would be able to manipulate her gift to suite her, if she could. There was too much unknown about her, and I was not going to leave Bella unprotected. I wanted her to be able to use everything around her to her own, best advantage.

"Jasper," I said. He came over to stand next to me, watching the scene outside. "Would you mind…helping?" I turned to him after watching Bella get knocked down again.

Jasper smiled, still looking out the window. "She's determined, isn't she?" he muttered.

I growled softly, not happy with the concept or the reason behind it. "Emmett's all about brute strength," I replied softly. "You could teach her some more…technical manoeuvres. Victoria won't fight fair, nor will the outcome be based on who is physically stronger. Emmett can teach her the basics, but… You've had more experience."

Jasper looked at me with a raised brow. "You really think it will come to that?" he asked sceptically.

Alice answered for me. "Jazz, you should go out and help."

Even though I was seeing the same images she was, hearing her say it made dread lance through me, momentarily stronger than before. "Please," I added.

He kept his mind blank as he considered our response. "Okay," he said quietly. "Do you want to let her keep going with Emmett for…?"

"No," I interrupted, wincing as I saw her go down once again out the corner of my eye.

There was a faint smile of amusement as he nodded—he found it amusing, my reluctance to leave Bella in Emmett's hands for any longer. "Very well," he said, and turned to head out. He cast a look over his shoulder at Alice. "Only a little longer," he repeated. She nodded without opening her eyes, waving him off.

"You should find something productive to do, too," Alice muttered. I turned to her, and she opened her eyes to look at me. _Standing there watching her is making you edgy, and you just keep coming up with different scenarios to try and protect her. And _that_ just keeps interfering. You're just making it harder for me to see. Shoo._

I sighed. I didn't know what to do. I didn't like standing around watching her getting thrown around like a rag doll, but even though I trusted them with my life, I couldn't bring myself to leave her in the care of my brothers. I was still as protective of her as I was when we first met—leaving her to fend for herself against Emmett and Jasper went against the grain.

Of course, if Jasper or Emmett hurt her, I wouldn't hesitate to throw either of them halfway to New York. Of course, Emmett probably wouldn't go that far if I threw him…but that wouldn't stop me from trying.

In the end, I ended up sitting at my piano, toying with the keys absentmindedly as I kept an eye on both Alice's visions and my brothers training Bella. I knew I was frustrating Alice, because toying with the keys was not exactly what she had in mind when she had told me to do something productive—it still left my mind free to wander and examine. She got up and went to the window, watching Bella dodge under Jasper's outstretched arm.

Then she thought of something that I hadn't even considered.

_Edward, what if Bella's the reason I can't see anything? What if she's the reason the future is all snarled up?_

I frowned. "How do you mean?"

She turned side on to the window, her eyes still trained on Jasper even as she turned her body to me. _Bella's gift._ She bit her lip, thinking it over. _She can virtually make herself completely undetectable. What if it's her gift that is getting in the way?_

"Then how would you be able to see her at all?" I asked. "You saw her at the office yesterday. And at the shops the day before."

"But I couldn't see her after…" _Laurent bit her_.

I pressed my lips together, took a deep breath to ease the resentful fury I felt at the thought. "I think it's obvious that it's a gift that she can use at a whim, like Jasper's. I just don't think she has fully mastered when and where she uses it." I got up from the piano, suddenly feeling restless—like there was an important fact I was missing, but not particularly willing to face. "I think it may be emotionally triggered, for the most part."

Alice finally turned away from the window to look at me. _At a whim_, she thought. _She chooses when she doesn't want to be found—like when she ran away from you on the street. And from us at the café._

Ah, there was my insecurity—acknowledgement of the fact that Bella _did_ have control over when and how she used her gift…that she had known exactly what she was doing when she had disappeared on me.

"What are you implying?" I asked, my voice sharp with the sudden revelation—a revelation I hadn't wanted. "You think Bella's _deliberately_ blocking her future?"

Outside, Bella stumbled slightly as Emmett took hold of her wrist. Jasper was teaching her how to land when she fell in order to get back up as quickly as possible. But when Emmett threw her over his head this time, her eyes flicked to the window, almost too quick for me to see, before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. Then she jumped back onto her feet to face Emmett off again.

"No! _No_! NO!" I shouted. I stormed outside, stepping between Bella and Emmett, taking hold of her wrist when she tried to step back from me. "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?"

She recoiled from me slightly before taking a deep breath and lifting her chin. She looked me square in the eyes but didn't speak. I found myself off-balance as I realised that I couldn't read her face. That had never happened before.

"What could you possibly be thinking?" I demanded, modulating my voice slightly, lowering it. I took her face between my hands. "What is going through this head of yours?" It genuinely hurt that I couldn't hear her thoughts, now more than ever, that she could possibly be thinking of keeping me out of something so vitally important. "Why are you doing this?"

Her eyes softened and her expression became sad.

"I can't loose you," she whispered. She shook her head in my hands. "I can't let her hurt you."

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Why? Why were her priorities always arranged in the most illogical order?

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked. "Just sit back and let you go off and face an enraged vampire that wants to tear you to pieces?"

Her eyebrow twitched and her shoulders lifted a little in a tiny shrug. "If you wouldn't mind."

I was so frustrated that I had to release her. I clenched my hands and tried to take deep calm breaths to prevent another outburst as Emmett snorted behind me. I wasn't the only one her words angered.

"Fat chance, Bells," he growled. "If anything, you'll be the one sitting back while we go after Victoria. You're the one she wants to kill, not us."

Bella's eyes widened in shock. "But she _will_ kill you if she has to!" She stepped back from me. "I won't let any of you risk yourselves like that for me!"

"You don't have a choice," Alice said. "Look, Bella—you can keep blocking the future from me, but it won't stop us from helping you. It will just mean that we'll be stumbling around blind and will increase the chance of one of us ending up hurt, or worse. Either way, we're going to help you. It would just be a lot more helpful if I could see what we needed to do."

I watched Bella's eyes as Alice's logic sank in. She looked at me, her eyes torn. She really didn't want me to be involved and I was both hurt and secretly pleased—hurt that she didn't want my help and pleased that she truly cared enough to want me to stay safe. I don't think it would ever cease to amaze me that she still loved me after all these years. But that didn't change how extremely frustrated I was, that she had tried to find a way to deal with Victoria herself.

Behind Alice, Jasper was focusing on Bella, using his gift to sooth her panic—panic that I assumed came from the thought of us getting involved in what she saw as her own problem. Her eyes darted to Jasper as she realised what he was doing but she sighed and let Alice's logic win her over.

Alice sighed as well, as images started playing through her mind again, much more specific and detailed.

"Thankyou, Bella." She danced up to her to hug her and kiss her cheek. 'It'll be fine, you'll see." She took Jasper's hand and the two of them disappeared into the trees. Within moments they were out of my range, and I was annoyed that Alice had left. Of course, she had left because she didn't want me seeing and making counter plans that would continue to snare the future up, but it annoyed me all the same.

Bella shook her head and refused to look at me. Instead, she turned to Emmett. "Where were we?"

"No," I said again, more controlled this time. "Enough training for one day. Besides, I think Emmett wants to go spend some time with Rosalie."

Emmett was happy to take the hint at face value. He smiled. "Tomorrow, Bells. You've got your work cut out for you, calming this one down." He disappeared around the side of the house, heading to the garage where Rosalie was happily wedged beneath the engine of his Hummer.

Bella stared at me for a moment. "Are you mad?"

I sighed and shook my head. Again I took her face in my hands. "I just don't understand how you think sometimes," I said gently, before pressing my lips to hers.

"I always think of you first," she whispered, sliding her hands around my neck. "Always." She pulled me back in for another, deeper kiss.

I growled quietly, so easily distracted by the feeling of her body as she pressed herself close to me. Her quiet, hungry snarl was enough to cut off every thought in my mind, except for those that had me walking her into the privacy of the trees.

There was quite the reversal of roles now as Bella was the one to strip my clothes off at a maddeningly slow pace whilst I tore at hers. The forest floor was soft velvet under our bodies as we sank down and came together. Again I lost myself in her—her sounds, her body, her soul. Nothing made me feel more complete than becoming one with her, our bodies fused together so tightly that there was no telling where my body ended and hers began.

She rolled us over, sitting on top of me and taking me inside her. She hummed as she stretched herself along my chest.

"Do you think we'll ever get sick of this?" she asked, her lips whispering over the skin on my neck. I had to close my eyes to concentrate for a moment, trying to focus on her words rather than the way she was moving her body against mine.

"Uh…" I frowned, trying to focus. She laughed against my skin. "No," I muttered. "No, I don't think so." She rocked against me and my eyes almost rolled up in my head. "I certainly hope not."

xoXox

"I can't see what Victoria's planning."

Alice's words had me pacing the room, snarling angrily. Even without Bella blocking herself from Alice's sight, the visions were still a messy haze. Bella still stood alone in some of them, in others I was next to her and occasionally the whole family was there.

And it could be any one of a million factors that changed whether or not Bella faced Victoria alone or not—the most obvious being that Victoria somehow manages to get Bella while she is alone, or she really does go through the whole family to get to her. Neither prospect was particularly appealing to me. In fact, none of the million were.

"Nothing at all?" I asked.

Alice just sighed and looked at me. Of course it was a stupid question. But I felt I had to ask it anyway.

"Maybe it wasn't me she's been watching all these years," Bella said, pausing as she flicked through one of her books to look at me.

The whole family looked at her, surprised by the thought. Bella shrugged, looking around. "It would make sense, wouldn't it? I mean…she blames you, Edward, for killing James. Maybe she did watch me for a time, but when she saw that you weren't around, particularly after I was changed, maybe she decided to watch you to find another way to get back at you."

Carlisle looked at me. "Surely we would have known."

I looked back at him dubiously. If Bella was right, there was no way I would have been aware of it. I had been too lost in my own pain to be listening to the thoughts of others. And Alice had been constantly watching my future, making sure I wasn't going to run off to Italy again or do something just as stupid.

"But it could explain how she's managed to hide herself from us," I muttered looking back to Alice. "If she'd watched us long enough to figure out how our gifts work."

Alice bobbed her head in acknowledgement, her gaze unfocused. She was searching through her visions again. "Whatever she's planning is going to take time to set up, that much I can see." She sighed, frustrated by the haze. "Bella, are you sure you're not blocking me, even subconsciously?"

Bella shook her head. "I'm not trying to," she qualified. "But that doesn't mean I'm not." Alice focused on her, her eyes narrowed angrily. Bella held up her hands. "Honestly, Alice, I'm not _trying_ to block you! But, having said that, I don't think I have complete control of it. I know I can use it when I want to, but sometimes it just happens—like the other day, when I left the café. I didn't think about not wanting to be followed because I was too busy thinking about everything else. I just wanted some time alone."

Carlisle sat forward, intensely intrigued. "Do you know what you do, Bella? Do you completely disappear, or do you just block your presence?"

I sat down next to her as she shrugged. "I'm not sure. I just know I can't be found."

"I wonder…" Carlisle mused.

"What?" Bella asked. But Carlisle was busy contemplating his own thoughts.

"He's curious to know if you can block yourself to individual people or if it's a generic thing that keeps you blocked from everyone around you while you use it," I told her, putting my arm around her shoulders.

She frowned. "I'm not sure. I've never tried."

"So try now," I suggested.

"Uh…Ok…Um…" She sat up straighter and closed her eyes. Carlisle and the others turned all their attention to her.

I never took my eyes off her and she never left my sight, but I saw it when she disappeared from Carlisle's, Esme's, Emmett's and Jasper's. It was odd to watch through their eyes. One moment she was sitting right next to me, my fingers toying with her mahogany curls, the next she was gone and my hand looked to be resting on the back of the lounge. Through my own eyes, I could still see her and my fingers were still twisting one of her curls.

"Incredible," I whispered.

"What?" Rosalie asked. She could still see Bella, and assumed the others could too.

Bella looked at her then at me. I looked at Emmett sitting next to Rose. "Emmett?" I asked.

"She's not there," he said. Rose looked at him and then back at Bella.

"Amazing." Carlisle's eyes were searching the spot Bella was sitting in, but not seeing her. "Who are you blocking, Bella?"

"You, Esme, Em and Jasper," she said.

Only Alice, Rosalie and I heard her. I relayed the information to Carlisle and his eyes lit up with wonder.

"Amazing," he repeated. "Can you smell her?" he asked the others. Esme shook her head, looking at me, while Emmett and Jasper said no. "I wonder if we can physically touch her?" he added. He stood up and held his hand out toward Bella, even though he couldn't see her. "Bella?"

She stood up and stepped toward him. When she was a foot away, Carlisle turned away. I laughed in disbelief as she paused, uncertain. When she got close, Carlisle had instinctively turned away. He had not consciously thought the action through, but something emanating from in front of him, right where I could see that Bella was standing, told him to turn.

She looked at me, confused. Carlisle seemed to have trouble turning around to see what I was laughing at.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"Right to your left, about a foot away," Alice said. "She was right in front of you, but you turned away from her."

Carlisle frowned and tried to turn back. "I…"

"Take his hand, Bella," I said. I wanted to see what would happen when she physically touched him. She stepped forward again, closing the distance, and Carlisle sidestepped away, knocking his legs against the lounge. Bella was now also close to Esme, who got up without a thought and headed toward the kitchen. I got up and took her hand, keeping her in the room.

"It's just Bella," I told her when she looked up at me, confused.

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking around the room for her.

Bella reached out and touched Carlisle's palm. He turned his back on her and walked away, stopping only when Alice stepped in front of him.

"She's repelling him." My voice was filled with awe, even as Bella looked at me, horrified. "When she gets close or touches him, it repels him." I laughed again.

Carlisle looked at me. "Has she touched me?" he asked, looking around the room trying to find her.

Bella let go of her gift and came back into everyone's view. "Right before you walked away from me," she said in mock-hurt.

Carlisle stared at her, amazed. "Absolutely incredible, Bella!"

"So you not only disappear without a trace, but you can also repel whoever you're hiding from," Jasper summed up. "Impressive."

"Ironic," I muttered. I shook my head. "As a human, you attracted all things dangerous. Now that you're strong enough to handle it all, you can repel it."

Alice laughed as Bella huffed.

Emmett lounged back in his seat, at ease now that Bella was back in sight, putting an arm around Rosalie. "That little trick is going to make hiding you from Victoria so much easier," he laughed.

Ah, Emmett and his big mouth.

Bella looked at him, her narrowing angrily. "I won't be hiding, Emmett. You may not let me do it by myself, but I will not be sitting on the side-lines watching…"

"Relax, Bells," Emmett said, holding up a placating hand. "I just meant it's going to make it a lot easier to bring Victoria down, that's all. Hey!" He sat up straight as an idea struck him. "What if you could expand your little talent?"

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. It was actually a really good idea. If Bella could expand her gift, send it out and cloak the rest of the family, then whatever Victoria was cooking up wouldn't matter. She wouldn't stand a chance against us if she couldn't see us. Of course, one option was that we could just pack up and leave, but what was the point in that? Victoria would still be out there, harbouring her grudge, and who knew what she would do out of vengeance if she lost track of us? And there was no point in living a life spent in hiding—from our own kind at least. That left us with the other option of using Bella's gift in the fight. It might be a dirty way to fight, but when it came to Bella's life and my family, I didn't care.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"Of course!" Carlisle exclaimed. Carlisle's thoughts, of course, were purely academic. He was too distracted by Bella's unparalleled gift, consumed by the enigma it presented, to be thinking of Victoria's threat. He gave no consideration of how useful her gift may be in the battle that was threatening to ensue. He was merely curious to know what more she could do with it. "Imagine if you could expand your gift out to include those around you!"

"A definite tactical advantage," Jasper agreed, his thoughts following a similar path to mine and Emmett's.

"But it won't be easy to master," Alice said, searching through the future again. "It'll take time—more time than we have."

"Aww, dang," Emmett drawled, slouching back onto the lounge. He liked the idea of being able to run around unseen. Knowing Emmett, I shuddered to think of the mischief he would get up to. Then I shook my head with a resigned smile as he thought of finally being able to sneak up on me. "Well, let the redhead see what's coming for her. No one picks a fight with a Cullen without taking up the consequences."


End file.
